Who is out of line, me or him?
Ok, I am in need of some advice. Before I get down to my current problem, let me give you some background. I am engaged to a man who as two children and a very controlling ex. I have a son, and my sons BF isn't in the picture. My son is almost 3 years old and my fiance has been his "dad" since he was 4 months old.
In the course of our relationship, the majority of our problems have been because of his ex wife. I am not blaming her for all of our problems, I am just saying that 9 times out of 10 the drama that we have in our relationship stems from something that she has done or said. For example she makes comments to the children that contradicts any and everything that I say trying to make me look bad in the kids' eyes. The children who are aged 6 and 10 still suck their thumbs, and we have tried everything in our power to get them to stop, but she allows them to do it because she is in her 30's and still sucks her thumb. She tells the kids to tell us when we tell them to stop sucking their thumbs that they will quit sucking their thumbs when we stop smoking.
She has even threatened to TRY to have me put in jail for discipling the six year for doing a head stand on the couch and almost knocking a large picture on his head. I would never do anything to physically harm those babies, and she knows that, she just doesn't like the fact that my fiance gave me permission to discipline the children. NOW before I get all the comments from people who don't believe in spanking their children let me just say this. It is not illegal in the state that I live to spank your children on their butts as long as you don't leave bruises or welps. I respect that some people don't like spanking, but it I chose to impliment it in my house. Please refrain from leaving comments about child abuse, because I don't abuse any child. There is a huge difference in abuse and spanking. I repect your choice, please respect mine. Now, if the ex didn't believe in spanking, I would absolutely respect that, BUT she does. She spanks the kids and allows her mother to spank the kids, her sister, her brother in law, my fiance's brother and my fiance and never had a bad word to say, but when I spanked him for doing something that could actually hurt him, she flips out and threatens to have me arrested(For the record, the spanking consisted of ONE pat on the butt and a scolding. His football coach hits him harder on the butt, but it hurt his feelings because he was in trouble.)
So long story short, we have had issues and I really don't like this woman but I remain civil for the kids sake. This brings me to my problem. My fiance's best friend is the husband of her sister. Before we had all the drama that we have had, I never really felt comfortable around them. Especially when they start talking about the ex. I never say anything just because I know that is her sister and brother in law, and even though they are talking bad about her, if I were to say something it would get right back to her and cause problems. It irks me when her brother in law sits there and talks about how he can't stand her and the very next day is on her facebook acting like the are best friends. I have tried to warn my fiance that they are two faced, but he refuses to see it. Well recently the brother in law as started making rude comments to me on facebook, but he colors them with humor so they can be chalked up as a joke if I were to complain. He has went as far as to call me trailer trash. I showed the comments to my fiance and he just shrugs them off saying that he is just joking. Well it bothers me. I know he isn't joking, he and his wife don't like me because the ex doesn't like me.
Well they invited us to go out with them to bars for his birthday party and the ex was also invited. I told my fiance that I wasn't comfortable going, especially to a bar where the would be drinking. Nothing good would come of it. I also said that I would rather him not go because I am not comfortable with him going out drinking with his ex wife. She has voiced plenty of times in the past that she doesn't want him with me and Lord only knows what she would try if I am not there and there is alcohol involved. My fiance asked me if I was trying to make him chose between me and his friends. I told him that was not what I was trying to do. I don't mind if he goes out with his other friends at all, it is just this particular group of "friends" that I would rather not see him go out with. I personally think that it is a no brainer. If he didn't feel comfortable around someone, I would force him to hang out with them and then if he refused, I wouldn't leave him at home while I went out with them, especially if it happened to be my ex that absolutely hates him. Well he went out with them any how and left me at home because I didn't want to go.
Is it just me, or is this extremely wrong? Am I wrong for not wanting him to go out with these people? I try very hard to not be a jealous person and I do trust him. But I don't trust her and I don't trust alcohol. Am I overthinking things or does anyone else see a problem with this???