You are here

Boyfriend Alert

StepMomAnon's picture

So, our SD's biomom has a boyfriend (possibly fiance because they talk about marriage but it's undetermined) they have dated for two years and he moved into her place last year after she became pregnant with their baby. Things were okay at first, but since then it has really gone down hill. Boyfriend believes he is a strong authoritative person who is going to "fix" the kid's behaviors and tries to push being their dad into them. Her half sisters (5 and 8yo) call him dad because theirs is absent and they are desperate for a father figure. He had joked and pressured my SD about wanting her to call him dad, even though he's only been living there for a few months and she is 12 years old, it's not like she's known him for long. Very alarming. Recently he has started to speak on behalf of biomom instead of her being the one who is talking in our group chats and personal messages. Today, he really crossed a line by saying HE wanted us all to change the pick up snd drop off arrangements to fit his own convenience, and then made it sound like we were selfish and unwilling when we said no because it didn't work for our schedules (and biomom just doesn't like driving, that's why she doesn't like to do pick ups, they are absolutely in a position where they can continue our current arrangement) I am afraid of the emotional repercussions when my SD returns to her biomoms house, they usually take out their frustration on her by venting to her about our coparenting problems even though that is very distressing for her. My husband did a great job of putting down boundaries and ignoring the slander that was coming from the two of them. They were essentially upset that we said we'd be flexible for a month, and then return to the court agreement pickup. They claimed this was selfish and unwilling on our part and they would only settle for the changes they wanted. It's not much of a choice on their part, they'd have to contest the actual custody agreement if it were important enough. I am feeling so much anger and frustration about this boyfriend. My SD says he is verbally, emotionally and somewhat physically abusive to her sisters and it breaks my heart. (Hard angry spanking, slaps them on the side of the head when it's not needed) she describes him as being someone with anger problems who takes it out on her and the other kids. We haven't found a new counselor that she is comfortable speaking with yet, and I cannot wait until we are able to connnect with someone she feels safe speaking to so she can have extra support. 


yougotthis's picture

I don't understand pushing someone to call you Mom or Dad. If the kid wants to fine but why push that? 

I've been in my SD life since she was just 2 and she does not call me Mom nor would I ever expect her to, no matter how shitty of one she does have, she has a Mother. She tells people proudly that I am her Step Mom and that's all I need.

This guy sounds like a real douche.

StepMomAnon's picture

Agreed. Her ex husband also insisted on being called "dad" and "daddy" when my SD was little and he ended up leaving their family including his biological kids with her. You'd think biomom would be more caustious about that kind of thing because it really broke all their hearts when that guy left them. My SD calls me Mom, but it was completely her own choice and I've been parenting her alongside my husband for over 9 years. I believe very strongly in it being their choice and respecting their feelings on it I matter what they choose. 

1st3rd5thWEInHell's picture

I would be celebrating and throwing rose petals at the feet of this kind stranger if he accepted to be with BM2 and act as a parent. Trust me, its best to have one person parenting than dealing with 2 bio parents doing 0 parenting at all

I would be grabbing drinks and providing encouragement lol....LIFE SAVER

Unfortunately, BM2 doesnt want to have a serious relationship because "her kids arent ready" looool more like she knows no one would put up with them and her haha

StepMomAnon's picture

I wish we were comfortable with him, we really tried and unfortunately he makes my SD very uncomfortable and upset a lot, it's not a good situation. I trust her completely and I know she wouldn't lie about it, so I believe her when she tells me she doesn't like him for good reason. 

yougotthis's picture

I don't agree with spanking or smacking children, let alone someone elses so this is a red flag for me. 

I know some people spank their kids and that's their decision and fine everyone parents differently, but I would never ever spank or smack someone elses child.

1st3rd5thWEInHell's picture

I know this is probably going to shock some ppl, but clearly the brat doesnt like him because he enforces rules unlike her actual parents


That bf is in for a rude awakening when BioHo and her kids will turn against him and scream abuse and all kinds of shit lol

advice.only2's picture

Well doesn't this walking testosterone neck beard sound like a peach. I would just remind SD the guy lays a hand on her, leave the house, call the police and then her dad to come and get her.

lieutenant_dad's picture


And if she doesn't feel comfortable talking to you, OP, or her dad that she should speak up to a teacher or school counselor. She also needs to be told that she can call 911 if he ever hurts her, her sisters, or her mom.

I'd also be documenting every single time you're made aware that something is happening, and don't be afraid to call CPS if you all feel it is warranted.

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

I agree SP should never put Thier hands on someone else's kids. Time out, take things away that's fine. This guy sounds like he has some issues.