So, our SD's biomom has a boyfriend (possibly fiance because they talk about marriage but it's undetermined) they have dated for two years and he moved into her place last year after she became pregnant with their baby. Things were okay at first, but since then it has really gone down hill. Boyfriend believes he is a strong authoritative person who is going to "fix" the kid's behaviors and tries to push being their dad into them. Her half sisters (5 and 8yo) call him dad because theirs is absent and they are desperate for a father figure. He had joked and pressured my SD about wanting her to call him dad, even though he's only been living there for a few months and she is 12 years old, it's not like she's known him for long. Very alarming. Recently he has started to speak on behalf of biomom instead of her being the one who is talking in our group chats and personal messages. Today, he really crossed a line by saying HE wanted us all to change the pick up snd drop off arrangements to fit his own convenience, and then made it sound like we were selfish and unwilling when we said no because it didn't work for our schedules (and biomom just doesn't like driving, that's why she doesn't like to do pick ups, they are absolutely in a position where they can continue our current arrangement) I am afraid of the emotional repercussions when my SD returns to her biomoms house, they usually take out their frustration on her by venting to her about our coparenting problems even though that is very distressing for her. My husband did a great job of putting down boundaries and ignoring the slander that was coming from the two of them. They were essentially upset that we said we'd be flexible for a month, and then return to the court agreement pickup. They claimed this was selfish and unwilling on our part and they would only settle for the changes they wanted. It's not much of a choice on their part, they'd have to contest the actual custody agreement if it were important enough. I am feeling so much anger and frustration about this boyfriend. My SD says he is verbally, emotionally and somewhat physically abusive to her sisters and it breaks my heart. (Hard angry spanking, slaps them on the side of the head when it's not needed) she describes him as being someone with anger problems who takes it out on her and the other kids. We haven't found a new counselor that she is comfortable speaking with yet, and I cannot wait until we are able to connnect with someone she feels safe speaking to so she can have extra support.