Where to find the patience?
Hi Everyone, I found this site over the weekend when I was going crazy and the thousands of like-minded posts gave me some comfort. So... thanks!
I am the step/bio dad in what I think is a fairly successful blended family. But right now I have increased stress and workload at work. It will get better, but it's been bad for a while. I work 5 full days and also work a few hours (or more) each weekend day. Then there is the baby, the house, cars, etc. So, there is no free time. That's not a good situation (for example, I have no time to spend with my wife at all right now), but again, it's not permanent, and hopefully we can begin having a few "date nights" a month again by mid-October. This has been going on for about 3 months now.
The problem is that my increased workload coincides with SD's becoming a teenager. She is a great girl, but, well, she's a teenager. Attitude, lots of requests, no thank-yous, etc. etc. Before I could work through this, but my tolerance level is much lower right now, and her behaviors often send me over the edge.
After three months of non-stop work, no free time at all, and a teenager, I'm depressed and tired. My wife was supportive but she's getting sick of me (and I can't blame her; she has an insane workload too). And while I was close to my SD, and think I still am, I worry that we will become distant because of this.
In the past we've worked fine because I had the energy to process negative things when they happened, take appropriate action, and then be happy and enjoyable--or at least, "present"--for the family. But now I'm always dour and upset and by looking at me you can tell I just wish i was somewhere else. When the SD or others make me mad, I don't bounce back, I don't smile. When I'm really mad I recite things to myself like "make it another 30 seconds, then 30 more seconds after that" or "they are having problems too, how can I be of help to them.." But lately it hasn't worked.
What to do? Where can I find the patience I need to be supportive? I reach inside for it and there is nothing there. I'm too exhausted. I guess I'm in the 9th round and I gotta roll with the punches, but still, any other suggestions?
Anyway, back to work. Thanks for a great site.
Steven Covey. Seven Habits
Steven Covey. Seven Habits of Highly Effective People and even more important...First Things First.
When I was a single mommy working crazy hours, these books saved my life. Maybe you've already read them? If so, read them again.
And remember that teenage girls are just horrible sometimes. If you look at my profile, you'll see that I am in teenage hell! Our oldest is twenty-one...a boy. Then we have a seventeen year old son. A sixteen (17 next month) year old GIRL. A fourteen year old GIRL. And a 9 year old son.
The girls drive me insane! When they are sweet, they are sooooo very sweet. But when they are bad, they are HORRIBLE!
Hang in there....it gets better when they go away to college.
Proud_arrow and mom2five, I
Proud_arrow and mom2five,
I just wanted to say a quick "thanks." Your posts had me laughing, and there was good advice in there.
I had a used copy of 7 habits somewhere but can't find it and never read it. I'll buy a new one!
After venting that out and reading the responses, yesterday went pretty well actually...
Perhaps you need to determine
Perhaps you need to determine which is more important impressing the boss or raising your family.
I'm told the Mormom Church, a very family oriented religion, has a saying that goes something like this:
A success in business and a failure in family is a failure in life.