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What should I do

Kitten6943's picture

Submitted by Kitten6943 on Tue, 12/27/2016 - 10:12am

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So I have been with this guy for 6years now he has an 11 year old son and a 12 year old daughter. Well hin and his ex wife sat me down along with her new husband and told us we could raise the kids as if they are ours, make rules, discipline, etc. Well here recently things have been on a crash course. Everytime i make a rule for the kids and they go to her my husback d gets calls and texthe of her complaining about everything I do when he tells me it's ok. What do I do? Because at this point I'm confused

uofarkchick's picture

Submitted by uofarkchick on Tue, 12/27/2016 - 10:24am

Then you need to say something to your husband. Either he sticks up for you to his ex and his kids or he can be 100% responsible for his own children. It's not fair to expect you to have all the responsibility and none of the authority.

Is_What_It_Is's picture

Submitted by Is_What_It_Is on Tue, 12/27/2016 - 10:28am

Doesn't matter what they told you - let your DH deal with his kids. In a perfect world, it may work for steps to make the rules and discipline the skids - but this isn't a perfect world. Trying to do this will lead to resentment and hatred for all involved. Let the bio's deal with the kids.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Tue, 12/27/2016 - 10:48am

his ex wife sat me down along with her new husband and told us we could raise the kids as if they are ours

I would have replied, "No,thanks."

Any adult can make rules for their own home (and don't need permission from others, outside of the home), like people must clean up after themselves, no running in and out, or whatever.

When it comes to the more personal, parenting side of it, like rules about homework or teeth brushing, the bio parent can raise their own kids.

Discipline needs to come from the bio parent. Now, I have told my SD, "You can't play with that, it's not yours," stuff like that, but real discipline should be left to the parent.

However you and your DH decide to run your home, your DH should tell his ex to butt out of stuff concerning your household.

Kitten6943's picture

Submitted by Kitten6943 on Mon, 01/02/2017 - 10:00pm

I have discussed this with him. He has,said he will sticky with it but there is nothing proving this to me. He said his kids happiness is what matters most. Which I can understand but at the same time you have to discipline them

ChiefGrownup's picture

Submitted by ChiefGrownup on Tue, 01/03/2017 - 9:08pm

His kids "happiness" matters most? What about his kids best interest? They are not the same.

If he does not trust you to handle his kids then he should never, ever leave them with you. If he does leave them with you, he should trust you.

Tell him to pick one.

Acratopotes's picture

Submitted by Acratopotes on Wed, 01/04/2017 - 8:40am

this is a very easy answer - disengage....

these kids are not yours, you have no right to discipline or teach them anything, leave that all up to mummy dearest and daddy - your life will be much easier once you decide this...

If the kids come to you with a question - reply with ASK YOUR DAD/MUM.... I'm a b!tch I add on which I'm not eff off

If your skids needs something make sure it's not from your wallet, they can wait till their parents buy it for them, keep your money separate, you buy them nothing not even a second hand chewed up bubblegum....
If they do not clean, wait till Daddy is home and tell him - I can't live like this, deal with it, either get your snots to clean or do it yourself you have half an hour before I trash everything.... and keep your word..

Immediately block BM - she has no business calling or texting you... if she has a problem she can contact the father not you