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What is it with "Disney" Parents?

Polarbear's picture

I am totally trying to understand why my wife feels the need to buy her daughter(s)21,19 something every time she gets together with them. Can anyone enlighten me?

Delphi's picture

It's guilt. I deal with the same sh*t from my DH - he caters to SD's every whim - it's fear. And the kids know how to manipulate the cr*p out of the situation. As soon as they sense they're losing their power, they threaten with words like "I'm bored" or "you don't care about me" or some other cr*p...then the parent goes into hyper-sensitive mode and freaks out fearing the child will never see them again.

Polarbear's picture

Yeah, guilt I guess...I feel like she feels that she has to buy their love....which is so conditional. Even on Mother's Day, the oldest took her to a buffet, that she got food poisoning, gives her a card, then goes with her to Bath and Body Works where my wife buys her $30. of stuff. If she was a mother herself, I could justify that....but she's not. They other kid just called her that day. Did you ever try to talk to him? Because I just keep getting the usual, "Defensive Bio-Parent" response whenever her kids are brought up. They aren't my favorite people...

Delphi's picture

Yeah buying them things...taking them out...laying down the red carpet whenever they're around.

Yeah I've tried talking to DH numerous times...nothing has ever worked. I've heard responses from him like "why do you hate SD?" or "she loves you - why can't you love her?" or God knows what else. Stuff too stupid for me even to remember..and way to infuriating.

It's gotten to the point where I've had to re-instate my therapist lol. He's the only one who sees the sense in what I tell him, and who can empathize with me.

Polarbear's picture

Yeah, I thought I might try this site before the therapist with a few issues because not all therapists seem to understand the dynamics of this step-crap like those of us wading in it.

My DW went out with SD21 this weekend while I was working a 2nd job. I got a text saying she was going out with SD21, not sure where or for how long. In trying to reach her, I don't get a response for 2 1/2 hours...this woman has her cell with her always when I'm with her....so when she does respond back I'm a bit low on patience, but I say please let SD21 pay for her own lunch since she works, I'm sure she can afford it. Then the 2nd text..."Oh, and try not to get food poisoning this time". Right after that I discovered someone had used her credit card the day before twice in another state. So I tried once again to get a hold of her to see if she physically had the card on her. When she got home, her phone was in the trunk of SD21 car since she last spoke with me, and she hadn't heard it ring or chime for the texts.
After seeing the text, she threw a small present she had bought me at me, (don't worry, she bought something also for SD21 also, which when confronted with, she lied about, until I pulled the receipt out of her purse.) and told me that I didn't love her.....because I told her NOT to get food poisoning??? Really??? Was that too far??
I do everything for this woman....from her laundry, dishes, clean sheets on the bed, paying bills...she even gets love texts from me just about every weekday while she's at work....but I don't love her..... ahhhhhaaaarrrgghhhhh!

paul_in_utah's picture

Ah....the rare step-father on here....welcome.

You'll find that our challenges are pretty similar to what the ladies on here face, with one key exception: most step-fathers have to live full-time with their skids. Thankfully mine are adults now, but I spent many years pulling out my hair over issues similar to what you describe. There is no silver bullet, unfortunately, although sometimes it gets better when the kids get older or move away.