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What I think about sm and bm contacting each other

Anon2009's picture

Unless they get along, I think the two people who created the child(ren) should be the ones communicating with each other about said child(ren) and if they cannot peacefully do that, use a third party. That simple. I don't want to talk to bm-ever.

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

Agreed. I have no reason to talk to BM. Ever. Never have, probably never will.

EvilWickedSM's picture

I agree.

YellowBelly's picture

Totally agree. There is no reason for me to talk to her. Even if there was a reason, there is no way to have a normal conversation with the bi polar crazy prostitute!

learningallthetime's picture

This was how I operated too. Communication was up to ex and BM. I only ever answered door or went to BM's house when ex had surgery. I would never answer phone, it could go to VM. If ex was out, I was call him and relay the message so he could respond.

This is also what ex and I are attempting now. BM never wanted to deal with me, and I understood that. I was ex's family, not hers. She did not choose to have me in the children's lives, he did. Regardless of my relationship with skids, she had the option to not have a relationship with me.

When ex's GF tells me I should be grateful for everything she does for my son I simply say, I was not involved in that decision, so owe you nothing. What you choose to do, you do for ex, not for me. If you were not there, ex would have to figure out the change, it would mean nothing to me, and make no difference to me.

I am happy to be civil, if it ever gets there. I was civil with BM when I dealt with her. In fact, BM and I are still civil and communicate regarding the skids and BS6. If ex fell off a cliff, we would want the half-sibs to see each other, so civility counts. Plus BM recognizes now how nice I was to deal with - she is dealing with GF too, and has similar problems. Luckily for her she is remarried, so GF does not feel as threatened as by me (all we can figure it to be!).

Disneyfan's picture

Well said.

The BPs didn't need a middle man when they created their children. They shouldn't need one now.

I'm so grateful that my son's SM is secure in her role as wife. In 16 years we have never texted, emailed or spoken on the phone. We do chitchat when we see each other but we have never discussed any parenting issues.

TASHA1983's picture

I agree with you all about never wanting to deal with BM...HOWEVER in my case I prefer to handle BM myself. Allow me to explain, in the past before I came along bf and bm would communicate via talk/text on the phone and it was usually never pretty. So when I came into the pic I volunteered to take this on. All of her calls/texts go to MY phone. She doesnt know that though, she just knows that bf got a new number (I am on his phone plan). So...when she calls ALL calls go straight to vmail and then if a reply is deemed necessary she gets a text back. When she texts, she will either get ignored or unless it is skid realted she will get a short, to the point reply. Period! I must also mention that bf is aware of these texts/calls. I will fwd texts to him or call him and tell him what is going on.

This works great for us! He doesnt have to deal with BM at all and I handle bm bullshit MY WAY! }:)

FirstLady's picture

She doesn't know the replies are coming from you?? LOL! That's hysterical. You're better than me. He laid down with that troll, he can deal with her crazy.

TASHA1983's picture

Nope! She has NO CLUE! }:)

BF told me that he trusts me and that I can say whatever I want to her. He knows that I will not say anything that would give her any ammo against him and what not.

I prefer it this way. I have read waaaay too many horror stories on ST where BMs and DH/BF are all nicey nicey or have no boundaries etc. and I am NOT going to put up with that shit EVER! So I think that it is definitley better to handle BM than to wonder wtf is going on or being said/done that I don't know about. Not that I don't trust my man but I don't want to have to wonder/worry...there are no guarentees in life so my BF and I believe that it is our job to "Preserve & protect" what we have. So if that means that I take the reigns and deal with BM so I don't have to feel that way then so be it. Smile

imjustthemaid's picture

I agree. There was a time where BM would only contact me. We have full custody so she would text me asking if its ok that she pick up SD. I always felt weird about SD's mother asking me if she could see her!! Then for awhile she thought she was my friend. Texting every single day about something. It got weird and DH did not like it. I wonder if he said something to her because one day she just stopped and I haven't heard from her in years!!

hereiam's picture

In 16+ years, I have talked to BM about 3 times (very briefly). That's 3 times too many, but she has never pulled the crap with me that she has with DH. She wants everyone to think she's friendly and sane. Those who truly know her, know better.

Jsmom's picture

I have spoken to BM two times in 8 years. Three email chains over the years of her being a bitch when we were in litigation with her over SD. Since then, nothing. As it should be!!!!

I do not ever want to have to talk to that woman again. THe kids all have cell phones and they can communicate with DH themselves as needed. DH refuses to talk with her either.

stressed-mom's picture

I have no issue picking up and communicating about SD4 from BM2. This all started because she started a new job and I work right around the corner from her house so she asked DH if it was ok if I picked up SD4 on my way home. I get off work at 5 and she has to work at 6 so it works. We have never had any fallen out or awkwardness or bad vibes so all is well. Anything pertaining to SD4, BM2 and DH talk. I do not talk to BM2 about that stuff. The only thing we do discuss is SD4 dance stuff. BM2 will let me know what is going on, basically because she knows that I am the one that gets her ready and takes her to dance.

BM1, I have absolutely no contact with. The only contact I would prefer is my foot in her ass. However, its not just me. Nobody has contact with BM1 (except the random jackass she sucks in every night.) She doesn't call/text/visit/email, nothing. She is nothing but baby making trash. Shes been pregnant 7 times, that I know of, since SD8 was born. She has 2 boys, both special needs (Probably due to her drug use), and both by different fathers. (I think she has them, she may have lost them by now) she had 3 abortions, and she is currently pregnant with another spawn from god only knows who.

aggravated1's picture

God, no. I read that whole thread earlier-and here is my take.

I have an ex. When he had a steady GF, I would RATHER have talked to her. I divorced him for a reason-we didn't get along. I figured I had a better shot getting along with someone new than with someone I already knew I couldn't communicate with.

My DH has an ex. There were many many many times that I had to be the mediator/communicator between them. Know why? They are divorced for a reason. They don't get along. Well, I hate her guts too, but I didnt then. I did it to foster some peace in our households-and trust me, she was more than happy for me to do it.

UNTIL-she started thinking she was losing control of DH. Then she wanted all communication to go through him which was fine with me. I bet a million dollars that that previous OP's kids SM doesnt like her either. But BM on our side didnt want to go to email communication-she wanted to TALK to DH. If you have something to say, why does it matter how you say it?

Then she wanted him to do all drop off/pick ups, but it was ok for her DH to do it when she was busy.

I don't buy it. I think a normal response is to be relieved that you dont have to deal with your ex anymore, for people that have a healthy outlook and have moved on. Its only the people that HAVENT moved on and are still hung up on their ex that nit pick this shit to death.

New second wife-step-mom's picture

This is strictly my opinion so for what it's worth, here goes.

In most cases I think it is a) in the BM's (and skids) best interest to try to "get along" with the SM and b) I think everything goes smoother when BM and SM can communicate. I also think when SM can communicate with the BM and vice versa that there is less room for emotion compared to the Ex's communicating. Whether that emotion is anger or manipulation.

I know in my sit BM uses every means possible to draw some emotion out of DH most of the time she plays the victim or uses some kind of manipulation to make him feel sorry for her.

TBH, I think it would be more business like if I communicated with her instead of DH. She couldn't pull that manipulation with me because I see right thru her tactics.

I would like to add I am a BM too and I still feel the same way about my BKids even though they are grown. But I would rather deal with their dad's GF than with him. There is just too much water under that bridge and too much room for emotion (anger). With her it is like meeting or talking to a colleague.

thebrokenrecordmachine's picture

Ive talked to her yay! not!, after her prying about me...Nope dont want to talk to her.
I wasnt married to her, SO was....he can deal with her.
If you have a normal BM then it could work.

learningallthetime's picture

I have friends who are divorced and all the communication is between the SM and SF - that way the exes do not have to talk and it seems to work well - maybe I can convince my BF to do this?! After all, they have no beef with each other, they do not know each other!

Jellybeam's picture

Every time BM opens her mouth, I wanna spit in it. Then poke her in the eyes, help her take a nap and then kick her when she's down. I HATE her and I don't want to talk to her ever again.