Want to tell DH that SS12 should live with bm until he can work out his issues w/my pregnancy/baby
Forums:
He lives with us. EVVVVVEEEEEEERRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIINNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGg is a fucking issue. Everything is a problem, everything requires a huge therapy session and he is so dramatic about it - "woe is me, my life is terrible, woe is me!!".
I'm 24 weeks pregnant and I need this kid gone. I'm afraid I'm going to lose the baby because of all this stress.
ss12 doesn't want a baby in the house, he hates it there, he wishes I wouldn't give birth, he doesn't want it, blahhhhhhh blahhhhhhhhh blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. WTF!
has ss always lived with his
has ss always lived with his dad? where is bm?
Yep. BM is both
Yep. BM is both mentally/physically disabled and lives with her equally disabled parents.
The fact that bm is a piece of shit has nothing to do with me so why should I keep suffering for it?
Does your DH say anything to
Does your DH say anything to him? If he doesn't you may want to just straight up tell DH how you feel and what you think. Otherwise, SS is going to continue and either you will do two things 1. just up and leave, or 2. Snap at him. Myself I would snap at DH and SS, but I don't have that issue with SS. SS doesn't even really seem to care whether or not he is getting another brother.
I don't think you will lose the baby, you just need to figure out a way to get some time to yourself. Maybe even make DH and SS leave a few hours during the week or if DH and SS are still awake at night go lay down in your room where it is quiet. If your door locks, lock it!
I don't have the SS doesn't want baby born I have the "way to many complaints about every little thing from SS and SS fighting with BD anytime DH is out of site!" I am beyond stressed and my due date is June 4th and I feel he won't even make it to the beginning of June.
I tell dh all the time all
I tell dh all the time all day everyday and he thinks its just pregnancy hormones. I keep telling him "yeah, its pregnancy hormones. The issues w/ss12 JUST started, right??!?!
SS12 gets offended and then when i ask him anything, he puts his head down and shrugs his shoulders and says "i dont know" as quietly as possible.
So i say nothing.
These damned kids - they have NOOOO idea wtf they're doing to us!!!!
Oh I totally understand the
Oh I totally understand the "its just hormones" comment. So I have gotten to the point I now don't even bother saying anything. I write everything I feel down. For me, if SS is offended by what I say, I honestly do not care one bit. I have even said he complains to damn much like his mother, which his dad agrees with me, but doesn't say so in front of SS.
But DH knows that now I am just going through the motions every single day. I am not really putting anything into anything I do anymore. Which he tries to get me to talk about, but I just look at him and walk off or just stare at him. What really sucks for him is that he is a trained psychologist and he sees everything before anything is actually said. He says its a curse, I say its a blessing. Considering that if he can see it, then he will either do one of two things. 1. find a way to fix, what I have already told him, and what he can see. or 2. watch as I basically slip away.
I dont care if ss12 gets
I dont care if ss12 gets offended either. I disengaged LOooooooooong ago. However, the more shit he talks behind my back, the more his mother talks shit, the more shit he brings home, the more dh parents him out of guilt, etc....im done
yep - dh is a psych nurse and he knows exactly whats going on. He sees me slipping away too and isn't doing anything to improve the situation w/ss12 except therapy 1x a week.
UMMMM, this kid needs to be put somewhere - a mental hospital, his mothers, somewhere other than my house!
I wonder - did WE know what
I wonder - did WE know what we were doing to OUR parents? Did we care?
I'm sorry you feel this way
I'm sorry you feel this way but SS is not your problem, your DH is. The one you should be raising hell with is him and how he parented his kid. If your DH has and had full custody, he screwed up his kid, so why does BM have to get the aftermath? Also, if Bm is physically and mentally disabled, it's unfair to expect her to have the same ability as a normal mom.
You need to disengage and your DH needs to tell ss if he can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.
Getting rid of him is not the answer and I think in this case the one who needs to bear responsibility is your DH. Fully.
absolutely could not agree
absolutely could not agree more.
I tell DH all the time this is HIS fault. He says "I will..." "I plan on...." "I'm going to...."
then doesnt follow through on anyyyyy of it. I dont trust him at all anymore. He says one thing and does another and its fucking this kid up. It'll fuck his new kid up too - i cant have it.
i disengaged long ago but dh tells me how horrible it makes him feel, how if i loved him, i would try to have a relationship w/ss12, etc
I tell dh that when ss12 talks shit about me to say "you're not going to speak about her like that. This conversation is over". Does he listen? NOPE
how do you stay disengaged
how do you stay disengaged when the child lives in your home? I know this has been discussed, but I don't see how it's possible. your dh has his son in therapy, that's good. i'm sure this kid feels your dislike of him, so if he lives full time with someone who dislikes him, i'm positive his life DOES suck. i'm definitely NOT one to say "you knew what you were getting into", but you did know that your dh had full custody of his son, and now you want him gone? that doesn't sound like it's going to happen, the kid has nowhere to go. should he just toss his kid in the street? if life is really that miserable for you, maybe you and your dh should have some marriage counseling or you should move out. sounds like you grind on your dh daily about his son. i'm sure he's miserable, too.
I come home from work, hang
I come home from work, hang out on the couch, eat dinner in front of the tv while DH and ss12 eat dinner in the kitchen. I keep busy - do laundry, clean, etc.
Things were PERFECT at the beginning - ss12 (he was eight at the time i met him) I was giving him all the motherly love he could handle. BM got wind of it and told him he's not allowed to have a relationship w/me. So he listened.
What else could I do? I'm not going to continue trying to have a relationship with him when he talks shit about me, makes offensive drawings, tells DH he doesnt want me to live there, etc. This has nothing to do with me. he made the choice to listen to his mother and see me as the enemy.
I have a kid on the way, I'm not going to just "ignore" the unhealthy way DH parents his own child. I will not have him parent our child that way. I'm not going to have him fuck this kid up too. So yea, every day I mention the unhealthy way he parents his kid - I don't have time to be wasting and waiting for him to figure it out. My child will be here in 3 months.
I regret not saying anything
I regret not saying anything to my bf about sd. So much!!!! My pregnancy was terrible because of that. If I were you if blame it on my hormones.
I never thought about it like
I never thought about it like that but you're definitely right. I know moms are the most important people in most children's lives and what they say goes; they are the matriarch, the decision-makers, the go-to people, etc.
Your husband is in between a
Your husband is in between a rock and a hard place. I feel for him, I think he is trying to hold it all together with two unwilling participants- you and the ex. The kid is not going anywhere, and no way in hell I would send my kid to a mentally and physically disabled person's home. That is crazy, your SS is likely fearful/jealous/anxious of the arrival of a sibling. Unfortunately you and your husband will have to come to some sort of understanding or compromise to make your family work.