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Nowhere to hide: Introvert SM needs help getting out of the house!

bd-sm's picture

Hi there STalkers!

TL:DR - where do STalkers hide from their skids, when they can't hide in their bedrooms?

Some background - I'm a childless SM to two. SS8 has significant behavioural issues - potentially ODD or ADHD. Violent and sexually inappropriate, meltdowns and screaming are a pretty normal part of our lives at this stage. I'm entirely disengaged, which is the only thing that has helped DH start to see the degree to which the behaviour is problematic, but it's all "Woe is me, his mother is making him like this and there is nothing I can do, I just have to let him do whatever he wants or else he won't want to come around anymore", so I'm not expecting any change in the behaviour in the forseeable future.

I live in south-eastern Australia, in a very small detatched house. I know most STalkers are US-based, and houses in metropolitan Australia are much smaller than in the US in general, but in terms of square footage my place would qualify for that 'tiny house hunters' show.
During the week, I love it - vacuuming is a breeze.
When the skids are around on the weekends, there isn't a single room in the house you can't hear them from if they're talking at their normal volume, even with headphones on. It goes from my perfect little dream cottage to a claustrophobic nightmare.

Normally, DH takes the kids out fairly regularly on the weekends, and I happily pay for whatever theme park or play center they want to go to and lunch (DH works part-time on a low income, it's the only option if they're going to be taken out) to get some peace and quiet.
We're in the middle of a hideously cold winter though, easily the worst in the time DH and I have lived together, and he's decided (understandably) that it's too cold and wet to make the skids leave the house at all when they're around every weekend.

We're approaching another weekend, and cabin fever is an understatement. I am going to end up on True Crime if I'm locked in a tiny box with the skids for the next two days. It's going to be like The Shining. The last few weeks, I've had a panic attack almost every weekend - something that previously hadn't happened since highschool. I'm approaching the point where I'm scared I'm going to snap and hit one of them (obviously NOT okay and to be avoided at all costs!).

I'm normally an absolute hermit who would prefer to spend all her weekends reading, baking, gardening and doing things around the house. I have no social network in my area (And no local library, which would be my default).
I need some pointers. I have to evacuate my tiny house for as much of the day as I can for the next two days, and damned if I know where to go. It's freezing cold and bucketing rain every day, I can't drive at the moment (medical), and we're flat broke to the point where pottering around the city and getting a manicure and lunch would bring about the apocalypse.

Where do you ladies hide out, when you have to escape the skids and can't have privacy to do so anywhere in your own home? I know I'm not the only STalkers whose skids have free run of their bedrooms despite begging and pleading with DH. Has anyone found a zen sanctuary to be their home-away-from-home, when their home is taken over?

Last In Line's picture

Headphones? (edit: I see you have tried that, perhaps better ones or noise cancelling ones?)

Honestly I have no idea what sort of options you have in Australia as far as places to go. When I need out of the house to avoid whatever is driving me crazy, I usually make an antique store/thrift shop day out of it. I can spend HOURS in those sorts of places and spend very little.

When the weather is nice, I can usually kill some time going to parks/gardens/museums/whatever and taking pictures.

I have a pretty good ability to shut out the world around me when I'm really into something, so if I'm stuck at home with some sort of craziness, I'll work on hunting down new music and making playlists or I'll edit my latest photos.

ESMOD's picture

Are you or dh handy? Maybe you could build a littlE potting shed or craft hut? Away in the yard?

New_to_this's picture

I feel for you. When I was in a smaller house with the skids, I regularly had to find ways to leave the house. I'm now in a bigger house with lots of room, so I can easily get away from them at home. I also think that it's important that you have a sanctuary in your house and that should be a priority for you and your husband. Kick everyone out of the kitchen and do some baking or rearrange your house so that there is no reason for the skids to go into your bedroom. If there is a tv or other items in your bedroom that's enticing for the kids, put it in a different room. Or just tell them they are not allowed in your room. I think your husband really needs to step up with this one.

Some places that I go to other than the library are-
Starbucks, Panera Bread, a bookstore - wifi and I can sit there for hours and it's fine
Local Recreation center - a day pass isn't expensive since its run by the county. I can swim and use the gym.
Long walks in the neighborhood or at a park
Mall - I don't have to buy anything and can walk around or sit in the food court with a good book.
Museums on their pay what you can days

Rags's picture

If I need to get out and there are few other alternatives .... I go to work. Weekends at work are quiet, I can get a lot of alone time, and I don't have the irritation of being exposed to people who are irritating me.

Evil3's picture

I had the same issue with my DH when it came to kids in the bedroom. I installed a lock on the bedroom door myself and I would simply go in there and lock myself in when the feral brats were at our house. I worked shift work and the SKs would still come into our bedroom and wake me up over stupid things like wanting to pet the cat, so I took charge and installed the lock myself. You have to remind yourself that you are 50% of your marriage. Go spring for the lock (no pun intended) and install it yourself if you have to. If you really can't do it, call someone and pay for it to be done. Bedroom problem is solved. In my room, I hoarded books, put in a TV and computer and I got my time to myself. I think the activities you pick might depend on whether or not you have decent transportation. Can you get yourself to a place with a library and spend the day there? How about what New to This said about getting a recreation pass. In Canada, even small towns have a rec centre and a person can spend a day there swimming, lifting weights, craft clubs, special interest classes, other fitness classes and even reading. The ones where I live have coffee shops within the rec centres and one even has a library attached to it. Can you make your way to such a place? Oh, one thing I did was I joined a knitting club. It was free and we all met at a coffee shop and it was very inexpensive because we only had to spring for a drink and we'd sit there and gab and knit for hours. What about your local churches? Quite a few of the ones where I live have sports teams and clubs and people don't even have to attend church to belong. Or you can volunteer at something through a church. One time, I asked a neighbour if I could help him walk his dog. That way, I got away from the SKs, got my canine cuddles in and my neighbour liked his dog getting fawned on. Does someone near you have pets that need attention? Something like that is always fun.

still learning's picture

Have DH dig a hole in the yard then after it rains tell the skids to go swim in the "pool."