Victims and Snowflakes
Like many schools, SS15's school is working on developing its action plan for returning to school. He does not go to the same high school as my DD15, but they all seem to be coming up with the same hybrid learning approach - partially online and partially at school. Standard seems to be that for families with either a child or other member at high risk, there is an option to continue 100% virtual learning.
In my experience, most kids are more on the side of feeling invincible unless really told otherwise (brainwashed) by a parent. SS is overweight, completely non-athletic and lazy but would not be considered high risk, medically. Like his batshit crazy mother, he has anxiety, and in the past this caused him to miss a lot of school. I think in 6th grade there was not one full week he attended due to his freak-outs which would cause him to be "sick". He's gotten a bit better about this and seemed to have accepted that attending school is not optional though he still has an IEP for his supposed ADHD (I do think that is real...not the hyperactivity but the inability to focus and to organize himself).
So I just found out that with backing from BM, SS is pitching a fit about returning to school and wants to continue online! I was incredulous! My DD15 cannot wait to return to school (and hopefully there will still be a swim season). DS19/DD20 are looking forward to return to their Big 10 campus. But SS wants to continue to live his life from his bedroom and his mother doesn't want to push him because he is a victim and a snowflake just like she is. Absolutely unbelievable. In my opinion, as a parent my role is to encourage my children to push themselves to grow, outside of their comfort zones, to take reasonable risks and to be independent. Yes I am worried about Covid, but this could be around a long time. People need to continue to live their lives, with reasonable modifications for safety. SS almost did not complete his freshman year of high school because online learning did not provide the structure and discipline he needs. And his stupid mother is going to let him waste his sophomore year too, so he will not only be an academic but also a social failure as well as failure to launch!?
I told DH this is a hill to die on.There is no reason that kid should not go to school. He will not be living in my basement, that's for sure! Has anyone ever heard of this level of crazy and bad coddling parenting?
Be thankful that your son is "normal"
If you can avoid it, don't get yourself stressed out about this now. Everyone is not going to progress at the same rate and he may end up getting a GED, it doesn't mean he is going to live in your basement, because you are not going to allow it, which you will actually be able to control. No matter what, you cannot control other people and what they do. If he does have ADHD he likely does have a problem managing the associated anxiety, and his mother may not be helping by "coddling" him, but that is on her.He will live in her basement, should it come to that. Perhaps you can suggest that there is teletherapy available to help him manage his issues, because just having him 'buck up' will not work, nor will allowing him to drown in the horrible pool of ADHD and unmanaged cosymptoms. Just like you mentioned, what 'nomal' teen does not want to go back and join the 'real' world? I am sure his time at home is no day at the beach, but he won't learn about codependent behavior until it is too late, because he is a child. What a sad way to spend what should be some of the best times of his life. It is sad that his mother is exacerbating his symptoms by not being more proactive.
Kudos on being a good parent and enforcing your strong stance on maintaining normalcy during these trying and unknown times. I hope your son and family remain healthy and continue to prosper.
Your post is the perfect
Your post is the perfect example of the differences between a good parent and a POS parent.
Your kids are lucky to have you. They thrive and will continue to thrive. Your Skid.... not so much. He will be holding on to BM's skirt for the rest of her life. Hopefully she lives a long, long time to keep this kid out of your life as much as possible.
I think BM may be right
Given where we are in terms of spread, and yes I looked at your state and you aren't red yet, I would not put my child back in the classroom. You say snowflake I say prudent. There is absolutely no way the schools can achieve even a modicum of safety. This new normal means we change the way we live and interact. This desire to return to normalcy is exactly what happened with the Spanish flu and why we can't stop the spread in this country.
I COMPLETELY agree with being cautious
But I get that there are a ton of kids who are going to take advantage of the situation (online classes) and parents who are not willing to parent who will turn it into a disaster.
DS made a huge, hard decision to transfer schools to one close to home. And what makes me feel better about it is he found a great little place that's his alone and in a small building so there won't be extra exposure. I trust him to be careful. He's definitely not a kid who thinks he's immortal. (Ran into two of those at the grocery store today. They wanted something behind me and without even asking me to move, much less saying excuse me or waiting, they came right up to me and the things behind me as if I wasn't even there. And who knows which one of us could be a carrier of C19 and not know it yet.)
I can’t imagine the schools are going to have enough staff
Professors, RAs, Teachers, aides, admin staff, janitors; bus drivers, coaches, etc. no way to keep them safe and by pushing kids back to school we are putting their lives AND living at risk. I can't believe anyone supports reopenning schools until we are able to contain the spread. And we are very,very, very far from that.
Anxious kids are enjoying not
Anxious kids are enjoying not dealing with the stresses of school - social kids are missing their friends.
I don't think it's necessarily odd that he doesn't really want to get back to school - not all kids love school.
yes it is scary but...
I totally agree with everyone who has pointed out the risks. I am very nervous about my kids going back. It will never be an easy decision and you can only go with probability of getting sick/infecting the family vs what is lost in not returning to school. I am extremely fit yet have asthma (since birth) so I have no idea what would happen if I get covid. My kids are all thankfully asthma-free and very healthy, but you never know how it will go. I am scared.
For SS though, he requires a lot of structure and direction, which BM (ironically a former teacher...she is utterly useless) did not provide during the March-June period of time he was home. But even worse then academically is the fact SS has the anxiety and confidence problem, so if he gets 'out of practice' and never puts himself out of his comfort zone (literally his bedroom) he will lose what little he has gained in the last 3 or 4 years. So yes it is normal to be worried about the possibility of infection, but that needs to be separated from the fear of going to school that he's had all of his life. This could become the excuse. It is not an easy situation for anybody. BM makes it far worse by telling SS he is a victim and treating him as if the rules need to be relaxed for him when in a few short years life will not accomodate how 'special and fragile' he is.
I honestly am
I honestly am baffled by the agrument that the schools should open in person. The virus is hitting at record levels right now. It is very possible that the teachers will refuse to go back. I highly doubt that the schools will reopen in the majority of the country. Hopefully parents like this BM will get with the program and take the online programs seriously once it becomes clear that they are here to stay and not just a "wait and see" bandaid.
There is some evidence that
There is some evidence that kids don't catch or transmit COVID very easily - but it's limited evidence, and that's not the basis for the push for schools to reopen, of course, not REALLY.
We are at 1% COVID rate here and have been given the go ahead to open, with strict guidelines.
I'm going to bet that schools WILL reopen in many places, even those with very high COVID rates. There is a lot of ignorance around COVID, and people who listen to leaders who don't really have their best interests at heart.
You know Georgia and Arizona will open their schools, and probably not even insist on masks.
I am really
I am really hoping that they don't. You are right that the push to open has NOTHING to do with health precautions or the actual transmission issues. Given that there is still such controversy over whether businesses can require masks, you may be right that some states will open schools without a mask mandate. But that will not prevent a teacher strike. That is what is being contemplated here in the event that there is a required opening. Teachers simply refusing to return to the classrooms and only agreeing to teach virtually.
So far, no rumblings of that
So far, no rumblings of teachers striking here, but again, COVID is low and many schools are doing a hybrid approach - some in person, some remote, so it may be possible for teachers who want to stay remote to do so, while those who want to return can come back.
As a manager, I will say - a good chunk of my staff wanted to return to regular, in-person therapy sessions (in big rooms with masks and face shields). Remote work is not for everyone, so I'm guessing there are some teachers willing to come back - of course, the union will take whatever position the majority takes.