for those of you who havent read prior blogs, please do so before commenting. this will make much more sense to you.

okay, well i have decided to leave and get counseling. the session i just had, we talked about me being more involved with sd11 and her current life, instead of focusing on the past, to try and form some sort of relationship. yes, i am leaving, but bd3 is sd11's half sister, so i will still be in contact with sd11 after departure, even if only briefly.

so, every morning i say "good morning, would you like breakfast?"

before she leaves for school, i say "have a good day". sd11: hi

upon return home, i ask "how was school?" fine

before bed i say, "good night, see you in the AM". night.

honestly, there isnt much other conversation going on between us. sd11 has completed her task to push me away and shut me out of her life. just this afternoon, as she barges through the front door from school, she grabs bf and pulls him in the room cause she needed to "talk privatly". i was not allowed ot hear the news. bf pointed out to sd that what she says to him she can say to me. the topic? boys. why doesnt she want me to know? cause im a girl. she'd rather talk to daddy about boy issues? no....she just doesnt want to talk to ME.

i have made plenty of mistakes the last 5yrs with her. plenty. i wont go into a lie that says i did all i could. well, i feel i have, but i will also admit my mistakes.

bm lives in tx and clearly displays she doesnt want to have anything to do with sd. sd's grandma lives in pa. and sd's aunt is too busy with her 2 kids and work and popping pills to 'deal with life' to deal with sd. so sd has NO MOTHER FIGURE but ME and she doesnt want it. so i washed my hands of it.

bf has no comment. not yet anyways. im sure he will once she starts having real problems only mommys can handle (although i know plenty of daddys who deal with it all). sd11 doesnt want me. and this has nothing to do with me leaving, she has always been sneaky about things since i met her. never wants me to know anything.

ok im done for now.