You are here

Update - I should have my head examined

Redsonya's picture

Sorry all, I feel like I am on a rollercoaster ride and dragging you all with me, but I just have to vent.

So after agreeing to my list of conditions to move back in two weeks ago, I asked DH to consider whether it would be a good idea to live apart for six months. Let him get things worked out with his kids, let me think, etc. He didn't like that idea, but has now decided that if I don't want to have BM's nephew over for every visitation that we have the skids for, then he should probably move back to their town and live apart from me since he needs to "put his kids first like I put mine first". Oh really? Driving a three year old 4 to 8 hours every weekend to pick up and drop off the skids, and bring SS17 to her minimum wage job is in DD3's best interest? Supporting DH so that he can support his lazy ass exwife and kids instead of putting that money into an account for DD3's college is in her best interest? Dropping DD3 off with my family to take DD17 to visit colleges for 4 days was in her best interest? No - I have been putting him and his spawn first or at least equal to my DD3. It just hasn't been the other way around EVER.

I will be putting DD3 and myself first NOW - over my dead body will I cave and spend a full week of Xmas vacation with BM's horrible nephew. Frankly, he will never set foot in this house again, regardless of what happens with me and DH. He is a 14 year old with a screw loose that DH has not adopted or has any legal right/obligation to. Not interested in allowing him around my 3 year old.

ownedbypedro's picture

oh honey, I can just FEEL your frustration and I am so sorry!!

I can't believe he is putting the visitation of bm's nephew even on the table - it is a NON issue, the freak doesn't have any business coming to YOUR home!

How the hell is that even putting his kids first..are they joined at the hip with their cousin or something?

In my humble "been dragged through the mud myself" opinion, you should STOP doing anything at all for them - all that stuff you mentioned, then maybe he'll SEE that you were putting them first.

Plus...he previously AGREED no more bm's nephew, right? How the hell is having the nephew there any benefit to ANYONE except the nephew and the bm?

I'm not "yelling" at you here sweetie, I'm just allllll fired up by your post because of crap I've been through and this just hits a nerve with me. I've probably been of no help to you at all...just wanted to offer my support and empathy.

Redsonya's picture

BM has a family gene pool that would make bacteria cringe. The nephew's mom is a recovered drug addict and DH and BM raised him. I get it. I haven't said anything for more than a year, but enough is enough. BM is raking us over the coals in court making all kinds of allegations and requesting supervised visitation to try to get more money out of DH, calling me names, and generally being an all around bitch. However, she does like to push the nephew out the door for visitation every weekend so she can drink herself into a stupor and have threesomes with her ugly friends. The newphew is awful and frankly, I find myself watching him around my DD3 constantly and do not let them be alone in a room. He is just not all there.

Just to make things even more fun - dumbass DH offered to let his brother use his truck (aka our truck since I have paid $3000 in repairs over the last year and live in a community property state). His brother is a blazing alcoholic who was in for his second DUI a month ago, drinks every day, including while driving, has no license or insurance, and actually had an alcoholic seizure a couple months back. Brilliant right? Especially after a long discussion about putting us first and not in danger of lawsuits or anything else to help people like his brother. Nope - DH is not worth this much trouble.

I let him know that it was good to finally see that I rank in the following order of priorities: 1. his kids, 2. his ex wifes idiot nephew 3. his ex wife 4. his brother 5. work and then if no one else is around or he feels like getting laid 6. me.

ownedbypedro's picture

I feel awful that I don't have some words to help you. I guess if I did I wouldn't be living apart from my own husband. For what it's worth, I think you're doing the right thing. He obviously isn't going to change and put you first.

Please take care of yourself. Be good to yourself. Focus on your precious little girl, focus on YOU.