You are here

Unhappy, we had a fight today!

jianli's picture

Maybe I interfered too much about Stepkids' Chritsmas presents, even my husband did not say it directly, I definitely understand what he means_____He decides what to buy for his kids with ex because he makes money!

I came to US on July 5th, 2008, gave birth to our daughter on Sep 2rd,2008. Nov 8th 2009 I got my first job in Wal-mart, Cashier for holiday hiring. Dec, 18th I was laid off because of bad economy. That's the happiest time in my life in US because I made money and I could start saving money for our daughter. I planed after Christmas, I'd save 50 dollars a week for my daughter and save the rest to pay the loan of the house, but I was told that all temperory associates have to go 2 weeks earlier this year and I was one of it. My daughter is almost 16 months, but I did not save one penny for her yet. She is growing up quick, I need to save money for her education, but unfortunately, we had no money to save for her. After child support and house loan, each week we 3 only have 120 dollar more than the 3 stepkids, but beside grocery, we have to pay electricity, water, phone, tv,internet, gas, tax, medical bills, 100 days of stepkids expenses while with us ect. I had to work hard on the burget so that our debt won't go up easily, but what do I get finally? He works and makes money, so it is "his" money and he decides how to spent? Even I am not a very generous person, I am not a mean stepmother. All I required is to buy gifts we could keep here. I agree to buy SD13 a tablet which cost 199.99, but she must bring it back when she does not need it any more. I agree to buy expensive helicopter for SS11, but not agree to buy him something(I don't know what exactly it is, boy's toy) valued 50-90 dollars which I know will never come back. I don't agree to buy Sd9 2 toys valued over 30 dollars because she will definetely bring them to her BM and they will never come back. I agree to buy SS11 and SD9 game chairs because I know those are something they could not take to their mom and we can keep. If I can, I'd rather give each of them 50 dollar cash, in that way we'd save a lot moeny. However, tonight, we fought because of my disaagreement and I finally understand that's not "our" money, but "his".

I won't say one more word about stepkids' christmas gifts, I won't suggest him how to spend money, but I will require him to pay the same amount money for our daughter each week, after her expenses, i am sure I can save her at least 30 dollars a week. Whether he is capable to pay it or not should not be my concern. My daugher is his daughter, and he should treat them the same, should not him?

soverysad's picture

So sorry you are going through this jianli. DH should not being buying presents to send to BM's house. Stick to your guns. If he can afford to give his first three children $, he should be giving your baby together the same $ for her future.

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

kidsaplenty's picture

I could not exist in a marriage where it was your or my money, for me the money needs to be ours and we decide how to spend it. I can understand why you are displeased with things as is.

jianli's picture

We did not talk till now. Whenever he is quiet, I feel like a stranger here and extremly want to go back to China:(

Letty's picture

I know where you're coming from. My guy always says he wants me to do the budgeting and to just tell him how much i need from him for bills, but then when he gets paid something new always comes up, or his paycheck isn't as big as he thought it was going to be, or he lost money somewhere. i drives me crazy to the point where i told him that his money is now his money. we'll split the rent and bills, but other then that, he needs to track his own spending because i spend way to much on his smoking and snacks and gas then i have to go without the extras i want, or rearrange bill payments because of it.