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Help, need some suggestion.

jianli's picture

First of all, I never want to be mean to the kids. I am from China and Chinese parents buy kids gifts just like American parents. The difference is when a chinese kid does not play with old toys, generally parents decide what to do with them, especially expensive ones. However, my husbands told me it's different in US, the kids can do whatever with their gifts.

My husband divorced with his ex 6 years ago, with 3 kids, 13, 11, 9 year old. His ex guit the job as soon as she knew she was pregnant, so for so many years, my husband finacially support the kids, buying them presents. Especially after divorce, the kids always thought their mom bought their birthday present and Christmas presents, but actually she never worked, and those gifts were from their dad. Since they get another one from their dad, so they got double birthday presents and Christmas presents from their dad. My husband never thought too much about it, even his mom told him that the expensive gifts she bought for the kids are gone(she told the kids the gifts she bought should not go to their mom's place, but the kids just took them to their mom even without asking their dad). This year, the situation is different. MY husband and I have a daughter, and I really want to keep the Christmas gift we bought for them here, because I know sooner or later, they would not be any interested in these gifts and their mom would just put it in yard sale and sale them really cheap, and I'd like to keep it for our daughter, who is about 15 months now. The other reason I want to keep the gifts was because once my husband bought an expensive game machine box for the oldest daughter and she broken it somewhere, and her mom sued for this.

Last Christmas, we spent about 200 dollars for each of these 3 kids, and only Rock Band2 were keep here. You see, I only came here for about one year and a half,and just started working as a casher in Wal-mart with 7.65 dollar per hour. 200 per each of these 3 kids really means a lot to me, especially I have to bare my back pain to earn that 7.65 per hour. I don't object to buy them expensive gifts, but I really don't want them to bring the gifts to their mom's and never come back. I really want to save them for my daughter. This year the oldest girl and youngest girl, they both want a DSI even each of them has a DS. The oldest also want a computer drawing board which is over 260 dollars. Well, if they can keep all those presents here, I really don't mind to buy them.

My husband still insists that if it's the kids' gift, they have right to do whatever they want. He said I could put my name on all the gifts we want to keep, and let kids open those gifts, so they know they can't bring them back to their mom's as it's my gifts. I don't know whether it's a good idea, but I do know that the kids will be really mad at me. Therefor,I am here to ask whether there's any better solution about this?

dwbwjc's picture

I think putting your name on the gifts is a perfect idea. because then you dont have to explain to the kids why some gifts stay here and others go to their moms..with your name on the gifts..just explain that you purchased them and that these gifts will stay at your house..or make the presents "family" gifts..and tell the girls that the gifts need to stay here for when they visit with you guys..because its a family gift..or explain to them that you purchased these gifts for the girls to share..including your baby girl..
best of luck

Shell97's picture

I would go with the "Family Gift" idea...I have had to do that in the past with my own Skids. Because they thought that well, they are my gifts, I'm taking them home to BM's house. After the first year DH & I were together, I started the "Family Gift" thing. And it's been 10 years now and no problems. You just need to explain ti them that the "Family Gift" is for at your home when they come to visit, it can not go home to BM's house with them. And at their age, they should be able to understand. Good Luck!

livinthedream's picture

If you are working that hard for a paycheck....I can see why you may want to hold onto money for a massage or some sort of luxury for yourself!Not the skids.In my situation...alot of money goes out the door in child support. For birthdays & Christmas the rule is $50 gift each. We mainly give them money to spend on whatever they want. When the skids were little...all the gifts we bought stayed here.I just want to give you permission to go out and spend some of your hard earned money on ok with me.

jianli's picture

Thank you for all replies. Family gift is really a good idea. All I need say is that it's family gift, and we all can play with it. I may put one of kids' name on each gift and give them priority to play with it.

Again, thank you for help.