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Two sets of medicines at both houses?

Yolanda's picture

My SO and his ex are so diligent about continuing to see each other 2-3 times a week to pass their son's medicine back and forth. It takes at least 45 min each time. Meanwhile I constantly hear from him how little time he has, and his lack of time activity interferes with our relationship many nights...

The reason for going back and forth used to be because the dog also changed houses, and apparently the son (9.5yo), couldn't stand being without the dog. But circumstances changed and we have the dog fulltime now, and the son has literally never mentioned or seemed to notice once. 

There is also a baby rattle toy stuffed animal miniature "blanket" sort of thing that the 9.5 year old son "cannot be without". But the time, extra communication and unnecessary constant visits between my SO and his ex seem unhealthy? The way their custody is set up, it works out that they drop the kid off at school and the other parent picks him up... no hassle, no every few days home visits. 

If the medicines are so life threateningly important I cannot understand why they don't split the medicines between the two houses. I'm afraid I'll sound crazy and jealous if I tell him to do this. I've mentioned it in the past, but the dog and the toy thing have come up as reasons why they "have to". It's also usually a hang-out for 15 minutes "drop off". 

How do you do medicines and must-have items between houses? 

Ellismakey12's picture

The kid is almost 10 years old WHY does daddy need to walk him to the door??? That would piss me off too. My DH just pulls up and SS jumps out of the car with school bag and everything he brought with him to our house. We wait till BM opens the door to make sure the old bag is home then drive off.  Hes been doing this since he was 9.

tog redux's picture

This is a child who "can't sleep" without his "rattle blanket" at 9.5.  Of course he can't manage the 25 feet to the door!  Poor Precious might get lost!

hereiam's picture

My husband saw his ex-wife ONLY during regular pick ups and drop offs, and not even then when my SD reached a certain age.

What is the point of pick ups/drop offs being done at school, if they are seeing each other 2-3 times a week, anyway?

My DH would rather hang out with the Devil himself on a regular basis, than see his ex 3 times a week.

 

Yolanda's picture

Sorry I made it confusing. They don't do them at school. I meant, for instance: if dad has son on the weekend then he will drop him off at school Mon morning and mom will pick son up from school Mon afternoon. THEN, later in the evening dad will drive to mom's house to give them medicine and stuffed animal. 

Winterglow's picture

What kind of meds are we talking about? And why does it take him 45 minutes to hand them over?

Yolanda's picture

Three prescription allergy meds. (2 inhalers, one pill) Honestly the kid doesn't even have a spare at school and they don't carry the inhalers around with them. 45 min because 15 min driving each way, 15 min hanging out. 

Jcksjj's picture

Okay so one inhaler at each house and send half the pills to each house. And 15 minutes hanging out? Uh no. Especially not if its supposedly cutting into his time at home.

ndc's picture

That's true for controlled substances, but if the kid is 50/50 at the two houses you could take a 30 day supply and give 15 to mom and 15 to dad.  It seems ludicrous to run back and forth to deliver medicines.  

MrsStepMom's picture

Oh for sure. Just seemed like the only logical reason for driving so much so often. Otherwise it’s ridiculous. 

Jcksjj's picture

Lol the dog went back and forth also? Sorry but good God unless it was a therapy dog no. 

My personal opinion is they're using the kid as an excuse for extra contact or brainwashed with societal of images of what "good coparenting" constitutes. If it is really that difficult to do the back and forth when he is 9.5 then there needs to be a rearranging of custody time. What kind of medicine is this? If it is something he needs daily I think one of the parents picking it up monthly and dropping half off once a month is reasonable.

tog redux's picture

This whole situation is insane.  They are infantilizing this poor child, who is almost 10 years old, with his rattle blanket and his need to be walked to the door.  Your BF and BM still seem very enmeshed.  There is coparenting, and there is ridiculous over-involvement, and this is the latter. I would be horrified and disgusted by the way he treats his son.

Yolanda's picture

YES thank you. It is insane. (I'm not disgusted but otherwise agree). He'll be home soon and say he has to "go drop off the medicines!", right at dinnertime. Ugh! I'm going to have to take a break from reading this thread until after then, otherwise I'll be regretfully unpleasant to him. 

Curious Georgetta's picture

These people have decided how they wish to interact and parent.  You have decided that  you are unhappy with the decision that they have made.

They should be free to parent as they so choose. You should not have to stay in a situation that makes you dissatisfied.

Why are you staying?  He is not asking you to approve of it agree with his parenting style.  You are imposing this unhappiness up in yourself. 

Find a partner who shares your views on parenting .

 

Step-girlfriend's picture

Yes, because if you share the same view on parenting you always agree with the way they handle everything....

So, CG, when you started dating a divorced dad with skids, did you just say him and BM should be "free to parent as they choose" and either accept it all, or did you leave the relationship when you didn't agree with one aspect? In your experience.

Step-girlfriend's picture

This is straight-up nonsense. SD9 has meds- 2 bottles of liquid meds that she MUST take 3x a day for a life-threatening condition. She also has 2 pieces of medical equipment that can get kind of bulky to carry around. We drop skids off at school every-other Thursday morning, Crazy picks them up after school. Guess what else gets dropped off at school with SD when we drop her? Her meds, and both pieces of medical equipment. The school knows about it and they put the meds in a refridgerator until Crazy picks skids up. There is no special drop-offs, and these are meds that require refridgeration. This has gone on for the past 2 years now, since SD was 7.

I would be uncomfortable with this situation if I were you. As Tog said, they are infantilizing SS, and it seems he enjoys these med pickups/dropoffs, since he can't seem to let them go and needs to spend 15 minutes talking to her each time. There are several different solutions for him to not need to do this (split the meds, send them with SS), yet he's ignoring both.

Yolanda's picture

Wow I wish my SO and his ex would aspire to your level of commitment when it comes to making their lives as divorced people work efficiently. 

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

He's almost 10. The meds should either be split OR the kid is old enough he could probalby transport them at pick up and drop off without help. He's old enough he can hand them to the other parent.

Ispofacto's picture

Voldemort and DH each keep their own set of inhaler and meds at their houses, filled independently at their own pharmacies.

Your DH is still married to your BM.

 

Thisisnotus's picture

Just start riding with DH when he goes to drop off the medicines. The 15 minute hang out will end and step kid will likley just walk himself to the door. Easy!!!

In my extremely odd situation...BM and my EXH are direct neighbors...literally next door.DH often has me ride with him becauese if DH is alone BM will try to start some nonsense and she's an alcoholic so depending on her level of sobriety....he never knows what to expect. I have no contact with my EXH so mine are dropped off/picked up by me every other Sunday with zero communication....

Yolanda's picture

In the past I went with him and he still always asks because he knows I'm weird about it, but it's just a big waste of time. Plus I felt like a clingy suspicious girlfriend always going with him lol. 

STaround's picture

Will not pay for additional prescriptions.  In theory, you can save a bottle and split the pills, but this situation is not so cut and dried

Yolanda's picture

If a doctor writes a 60 or 90 day prescription, depending on insurance plan, they will pay. I get 90 day supply on all of mine. It's stunningly doable for them to not drive the medicines back and forth. It would probably take less effort than texting back and forth to arrange one of their drop-offs. 

Yolanda's picture

That is good info actually, thank you for that. Yikes, I never take a prescription bottle when traveling.

I definitely don't intend to make any decisions for them. If they go this route, I imagine the logistics of how to legally "split" them is up to the pharmacist or doctor. 

flmomma08's picture

I'm sorry but it sounds like the meds are an excuse to see each other. Why don't they get a second inhaler and split the pills up? What they're doing makes absolutely no sense. My SD has allergy meds and she has them at both houses.

Rags's picture

Each house should have a cache of meds.  End of issue.

Kids with asthma learn pretty quickly to keep an inhaler in their pocket.  When they are gasping for breath and turning blue is is not something they are likely to forget twice.  At least that was the case for me when I suffered from fairly severe childhood asthma.

Mommabearboo's picture

Get two sets of the meds. Problem solved. If DH or his ex are not willing to do so, I hate to tell you that they might want to still keep that little connection between the two of them. I mean it’s way cheaper to get two sets of meds then paying for gas and take away the time he has with you!