Told DH today, I think I want out
He really surprised me and asked me what I thought we needed to fix. REALLY?? Now, after all of the talking, the crying and finally the bitching. It takes me really making a decision to talk about taking the steps to leave this hell.
I just laid it all on the line. In so many words, I said, your children are rude, dirty and just get under my skin. They won't clean up after themselves, they don't listen to me any longer, I am NOT raising a 4 year old that you and bitch BM dropped in my lap. I do LOVE his children, the two of them that weren't put here on earth to destroy me, I am willing to help raise, to be a positive role model in their lives, but EVERYTHING in our home has to change starting TODAY or me, my children and my tax refund will be relocating to an apartment and that's FINAL. He started crying, said he loves me and my kids and doesn't want to end things, at least not without trying everything in his power to fix it first. We are making a chore list for all of the kids, I make going shopping this weekend and my bedroom becomes MINE again. He talked with BM about SD4, since we have no legal rights to her, we cannot do anything for her as far as school, day care, Dr. appts. So we are getting her moved into an apartment and paying her rent for 2 months and I am doing her taxes so she can pay her rent up. I am sure we will have her back in two or three months but at least this time, he will have leverage to FORCE her into court. He will NEVER be dad legally but she can sign custody over to him. (she won't right now, but when she is ready to start getting high and being a slut again, she will do whatever it takes to get him to take her) Then SD4 can be in daycare while he is at school and work. I have been raising kids since I was 10 and started watching my sisters while my parents worked, I just don't have patience or energy for a 4 year old, with VERY high energy levels full time. I wish I did, but I don't.
Sorry so long, I wished I had talked to him a long time ago, I may not have as much resentment as I have right now, I really hope that we can work through it and get to know each other again. Maybe it will work, maybe it won't but at least I can show my children that quitting is NOT an option until ALL avenue's have been exhausted.
Well, I hope all the changes
Well, I hope all the changes take place and your DH sticks to those changes. He does sound dedicated and I hope he can put actions behind his words.
I think that if your DH sticks to his word and you let go of your resentment (easier said than done, I know) then I think y'all have an excellent chance of working things out. Best of luck too and keep us updated!
i think that by u putting ur
i think that by u putting ur foot down speaks loudly to him. i was blogging earlier about how i think that this is important. you as a sm should be able to parent the skids like you would ur own flesh and blood. anything other than that is difficult. it is ur home and u should have a say so.
it took a while for my bd to see it my way but after putting and keeping my foot down he has agreed to let my rules be enforced as long as they are reasonable. we make decisions together and do not disagree in front of any of the kids.
i am happy that u did that and do not give up. good for u
YES, GUILTZILLA all of the
YES, GUILTZILLA all of the way, but they live with us full time. The chore list didn't get done last night, we spent the night trying to come up with compromises on what is acceptable behavior and what isn't. I am so tired of hearing "daddy, buy me this, daddy I want this, daddy will you get me this, daddy.. daddy.. daddy.. I could scream. They don't do anything to deserve anything at this point. SD4 has zero social skills, it's not her fault, her mom is a low life scum who expects TV to raise her kids will she is bopping someone in the other room for dope. But, I have asked her so many times not to interrupt people when they speak, I finally lost it today and he seen first hand just how finished that I really am.
As for parenting them, I have always had a say so in the rules, he just never backed me up until it involved something he wants or needs then, he had my back. Also, SD10 could never do any wrong, and if she and SS8 (my heart) did the exact same things the punishment for him was way worse, I hate that and I won't sit by and watch it ANY longer. He knows NOW, either you step up to the plate and PARENT and have my back when I do, get off your ass and help out when your home and train his kids to do something/anything productive or I AM OUT.
Let's just hope that he REALLY means it, or I will miss him but I will have my peaceful life without headaches.
Just remember to follow
Just remember to follow through with that ultimatum or else it's only words and will carry no impact on his behavior. Great job for standing up for yourself!
Stay Strong and yes, follow
Stay Strong and yes, follow through. We didn't have this situation 'til 2yrs ago. now I find myself with the dame "tax delema" once a yr. I have yet to "follow through" I made a promise to one of my SS that I would not just up and leave like so many others in his life. He's gonna watch me grow old like it or not! guess I'm doin' what's best for all the kids in my mind. In reality, You gotta do you, gotta do what's best for you and yours because in the long run, you will feel nothing but resentment towards your man and situation and anger with yourself-GL