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Three times the headache :(

Whatevereh's picture

I would really appreciate it if someone can give me some advice on the following issues. I'm mentally exhausted, physically exhausted, and financially exhausted from his kids and his family. 

Problem One:

I gave up my cozy apartment and moved in with him. I should have never done that. The first red flag was when we were dating is he was driving his mother on long commutes back and forth to work. We missed out on alot of things because his mother would not get a bus, get a drive with a co-worker, or take a cab. He has even left my Birthday party to go pick up his mother. The second red flag was she lived in the apartment over him. She never offered gas money or repairs on his vehicle knowing he was retired early and he would go without to continue paying for all the gas, the up keep, and insurance to  accommodate her. 

Problem Two:

The second red flag was when I meet his two girls. The youngest I was ok with. The other one then was 14. She was rude, selfish, and had a narc personality. I noticed by the way he spoke about them that the oldest one ruled the roost at daddies house. No rules at all. he would cook and serve all meals right to their rooms, they just leave there mess all over the place, leave the dishes in the living room , leave dirty dishes in the bedroom, and he supplied a never ending cupboard full of treats. 

Problem Three:

His loser sister who has been on welfare all her life. She drinks beer like its water and goes threw a case a day. She comes to his place unannounced sits there with her kid all day and drinks beer after beer, bums smokes, she doesn't care if its suppertime she still sits there. Her kid is a brat and will not stay out of stuff. She doesn't correct the kid and if you do she will rip you a new one and throw a big shit show right in your house. 

Today situation:

Like an idiot I gave up my cozy little place and moved in with him. he had nothing when I moved in. His mother would come down stairs and totally ignore me, I missed alot of things because we couldn't go places because she had to work, and he had little money to do anything because his went to buying junk food when his kids came every second weekend and paying Hugh gas bills to drive his mother back and forth to work. So like the fool ,I am, I started paying more and more until I literally had as much as him '"nothing"

I wasn't even moved in three months when his ex couldn't handle his oldest daughter and sent her to live with him. It was a nightmare she moved in and marked her territory as queen bee of the house. Im sad to say but he let her. Everything was now all about this selfish, bossy, annoying narc kid. I couldn't even look sideways at the kid without papa bear making excuses for her or ripping me a new one. It just got worse as she dropped out of school, started hanging around with druggies, stealing everything from the house, smoking pot, pushing her dad around, screaming like a banshee, and neighbors calling cops. We fought no stop and a few times i was told to leave because I hated his daughter and hes tired of my constant complaining, Really?! His other daughter would not come around because she hated her sister. I finally had it and left. Of course, five days later hes contacting me to come back and things will change, They did change he put his foot down and she left and now lives with her loser boyfriend sofa hoping, his mother retired, and he told his loser sister to get out. His other daughter comes but shes  no problem. She know brings her plates out, is nice to me, and I enjoy having her here. So life has got better .. So I thought 

I saved up and bought a fixer upper house, we started connecting and again and I thought the past bs was behind us. NOT! As soon as I signed the papers he announced his mom was moving in with us. i was upset because this was never discussed with me. All of the sudden his mom was now acting like me and her were best friends. The women never even acknowledged me before, Now all the sudden she wants to be my new best friend. she was told she would only be gave a bedroom. he starts getting rid of our stuff. i was ok with that I was excited about getting my house and wanted to buy new stuff. Move in day she comes with everything in her place including the dust bunnies under her bed. The women starts unpacking and starts adding all her dishes, pots and pans, and silver ware into my cupboards. She has her table in my kitchen. i cannot even move in my garage because her stuff is all packed in there solid.

My living room has her sofa, love seat, coffee table, and end tables. My bathroom the same. The women is so cheap she will not even offer to buy a loaf of bread. she eats like a hog. We have caught her listening at the bedroom door. i work nights and need to sleep in the day shes constantly calling for him to do this, do that, I need this, and go get that. Im being woke up constantly. the last time I was woken up was her screaming at him. WHO SLEEPS ALL DAY. more or less he told her to quiet down because I was sleeping. The women is healthy as a horse and walks every morning. She cant do dishes, pick up after herself, and will not cook herself even a can of soup. He caters in all her meals to her. She started bitching to him about me but she was shocked when he told her shes the problem not me. she constantly is complaining about the house this isn't fixed that isn't fixed. All she does is I want, I want, and I want and its never ending. 

She bought her cat with her. My cat is fixed, flea collar, spoiled, the best of all treats and food, and we both baby him. Her cat is not fixed, has fleas, pees all over the house, pees on the furniture, she feeds her cat our stuff, and refuses to change its liter box. My house now smells like a toilet. I have washed and cleaned my sheets so much I had to toss them in the garbage. Her idea to solve the problem is for  me to get rid of my cat. she wont pay to get it fixed, she wont look after it, she wont clean any of the messes it makes, and she wont get rid of it. We got into a Hugh fight and I told him to take his mother and get out. Now the mother is keeping the cat in her room. It cries all the time. Shes being a total witch now. Shes been telling me cry fat and I need to lose weight, Oh don't seat on that lawn chair you will go threw it, you think you could clean the house, and etc 

His sister is coming over more. Shes doing the same things she did before. On the way out she gets passed wads of cash. His mother has money coming out her ying yang. She will use me for anything she can get off me, She will do that same to him. i mean, the woman wont even offer to sping for a loaf of bread. If we go out she asks us to pick up stuff, She has used all my tylenol, drunk all my good coffee, drunk all my pop, and now she is even using my shampoo. I hate her

Thanks for reading this. I have no idea how to deal with this miserable old hag ... any suggestions Sad

 

 

 

 

 

Winterglow's picture

Hold on, YOU saved and bought this place and HE decided to move his mother in? Seriously? Even if you are both owners, neither gets to move anyone in without discussing it with the other and having their blessing FIRST. What do you do? You tell your useless, spineless, ball-less wonder that he can either deal with the situation his way and find his mother another place to live ASAP or you will have her legally evicted. Then go straight to your local court house and find out how to do so.

And stop bending over backwards to make your bf happy because he is doing bugger all for your happiness and well-being. You deserve better, so much better.

SteppedOut's picture

Please kick all of these trashy people out of your home. Including your bf, what a jerk and user he is! You are better than this. 

Kes's picture

I could say more, but SteppedOut was succinct.  Get them all out of YOUR house and start having a life again. 

SeeYouNever's picture

While he's out driving his mom around change the locks. Call the non emergency line and say you don't feel safe with them in your house. If they want to get their stuff tell them they need to call the police for an escort. 

You are going to end up with less than nothing if you don't do something. They need to get out of your house. Just kicking them out will do no good because they will destroy the place on the way out. 

Harry's picture

Nothing is going to change.  They all are users.  They all want to be supported .   So either you spend your life supporting his mother and sister .

Or Two. Throw all of them out.  Let them find someone else to support them. 

Exjuliemccoy's picture

You married beneath you into a dysfunctional family of trashy bottom feeders. They will suck you dry if you permit it. And you ARE permitting it.

There's no fixing this. He was able to lure you back once, and look where that got you - used and abused while he enables his mother. 

Because of his unresolved mommy issues and because of the sick dance they are caught up in, there is no winnable solution for you. The skid problems and dirtbag sister are just more layers of dysfunction. And the longer you stay with this man, the more likely he'll have a claim on your home.

You need to get some advice from a good divorce attorney ASAP. Save yourself!

CLove's picture

Please do the following:

1. Kick them out. TODAY. And get the locks changed. Because you dont feel safe.

2. If you are married (I didnt see anything about that), then see a lawyer. If not, get rid of this man.

3. Sweety I mean this in the best way possible: with all the money that you save not having them around anymore, you will be able to afford a great therapist to work through the issues that are causing you to be in this current situation.

The dude is using you.

The mother is abusing you.

This is easy. Get them out of YOUR HOUSE,

nappisan's picture

Im confused???? How do you deal with that miserable hag??? Its your idiot BF you need to deal with! he sounds like an absolute scumbag and either you have self esteem issues or something but who in their right mind would allow all this to happen? your not married to him neither do you share children.  Kick him out today and his scumbag tribe can follow his lazy broke ass out 

Whatevereh's picture

He does contribute. he pays for the hydro, cable, internet, and most of the groceries. I opened my eyes and took a look at my spending and bank withdrawals. We decided before we moved in here that we don't use the home phone or watch the cable. The only thing we use is the Internet. Oh of course she needed her cable in her room with all the channels, super speed internet to play her games, and a home phone for her loser daughter can call her and come over to get money.

I really took a look at where my money goes. i buy more groceries then I thought, i pay for more gas then I thought, and he mostly smokes off me. I noticed in his groceries there ain't much he buys that is for me. Expensive ice tea that his daughter drinks 4 litres of a day and alot of treats for her to gulp down 24/7, meat to cook his mama all the big meals and makes sure she eats well, and etc.

i have a broken house to fix but since we been here he hasn't done anything but make sure his mama room has internet, full cable, and phone. he made sure his kids room was fixed and has all the same in it . All he does is cater to mamas never ending demands and cater to his kid when shes here. She comes for weeks now. 

I guess, i will have to figure out a way to get this house fixed on my own, Since he isn't getting off his but to do anything to much. I have no children or parents. I don't need a broken house with three bedrooms. 

I started after reading some of your awesome advice that i can do better. Ive been gaslighted so long i really needed others options as he has me starting to think im the issue here.

Thank you for all the kind awesome advice its nice to be told that Im not the issue Smile

Winterglow's picture

Now take another look at your accounts and see how much you'd save on almost everything if they were all gone. Once they're out, the chances are that you'd save so much money that you'd be able to pay someone to fix up (maybe not full time but still...) your home. OTOH, you could sell it as is and get yourself a nice little studio or 1 bedroom place.

Don't put up with this crap any longer. They are sucking in money that could be going towards your retirement. Why throw it away like that?

Rags's picture

Time to evict the MIL.  Either she goes, or they both go.  Or ... take your income, all of the belongings that are not nailed down, leave, sell them or donate them to charity for the tax break and GTF out of this shit show by cahngking the locks and putting them on the curb.

Every day you allow any of them to stay, you are making the same stupic decision over and over again.

And btw, he did not let his prior failed family pelvic spewtum mark her territiory as queen bee, you did. It is your house. So, evict the entire shallow and polluted gene pool, stop being their safe haven beck and call girl an dget on with your life, in your home without the baggage.

Take care of you.