The things I have learned.....!!!!
So.. I have been a SM for 2 years... Here is what I have learned:
-MY "feelings," are mostly about how my husband reacts to his Daughter.
-The SD6 isn't super horrible it's her actions that are
-The only people who change/raise children are the parents, which means while under my roof it's my responsibility and right to enforce my rules
-My husband is MY husband before he is a father so it's MY way first.
-HE only has one wife, and if he wants me to be it, he will treat me like it and treat his child like his child.
-My feelings and wishes are valid
-There are times when it's ok for me to be selfish, I have a life too
-SD has 12 grandparents who give her gifts and love her, she isn't a victim.
-If we treat her a certain way because we feel guilty she will always be a victim
-She has gone on more vacations that I have in the last 2 years... so it's ok for me to go places with out her.
-SD wants me to treat her like a kid, not respect her like an adult
-SD wants to please me, I have to show her how
-My husband needs to know how I feel, even when the message is SO horrible and makes me look like a selfish brat.
-Wanting my husband to act like MY husband and have me as hit top priority isn't WRONG!
-My husband does not know more about parenting simply because he has reproduced
-If I ever have my own kids I will treat them differently that SD because they are different people and have different lives and values
-Baby mama will always be a slut, but SD will have a choice
-When SD asks why her parent's are not together and whats to know what happened I think it is our duty to be honest with her.
-My Husband and I need to be on the same page when it comes to the expectation we have for SD.
-I need to help my husband get over his guilt
-I will never love SD like my own, simply because she is not
-Taking a break from SD is perfectly normal, natural and necessary
-If my husband and I can't help SD become a responsible person who isn't a slut, she has no chance.
-SD will piss me off... SD will never go away.... SD will always ask for money... SD will learn how to impress me... SD may never want to impress me... SD will learn how to respect my financial contribution to her life...
So that's all I have for now..
I have learned that
I have learned that everything I have learned about NORMAL life is now not part of who I am anymore. There is no normal about how my life is right now.
And honestly, even after CS
And honestly, even after CS is done and all the crap, it is never the same. DH and I have to do a WILL to ensure loser doesn't end up with my money instead of our son, or all of DHs money instead of me...especially while she is an adult and our son is still a minor. It seems like my entire life will never be the same. I can't live where I want because of the stupid inheritance laws. I would live here forever if it weren't for that, but I can't take that risk...so I have to move and for now rent, so that if anything happens to my DH, I don't end up in a shithole. This is no doubt the biggest regret of my life. Not finishing college was no big deal in comparison to this. I have overcome that through hard work and make a very good living. But the whole blended BS, I will never be able to get rid of it. What a nightmare.