My old posts are long gone but I used to come on this forum every night and post often. I was being used as a babysitting by HCBM and my SO didn't respect me as a parent yet used me as one. I felt like a single mom while also being told "she's MY daughter". SD(then 6) was a full on mini wife who needed daddy every second of the day, it took me 2 YEARS to get her out of my bed, and SS12 fought all day long with with dad. I was miserable. All we did was fight about SD. This forum made me realize that I HAD to disengage from them. All of them. 2/3 years in, I put my foot down. I went from being a total dormat to full on NACHO. Sparing the details....it caused a LOT of fighting at first... but the whole family has benefited so much. It was mainly his relationship with SD that caused the issues so, since he actually had to parent her, he finally got to see how she REALLY was... and it wasnt so "cute" anymore. His parenting style changed completely.

SO and I had a long conversation a few months ago about how he wanted me to step back up with the kids. I made it clear why I made this choice, and that I would step back up only in certain areas, ONLY if he did not act the way he did before. He agreed. So here we are.  

 SS mellowed out over time, I wasnt *too* worried about him. SD is 11 now and she is no longer a mini wife at all.  She is very independent. She has her own friends, interests, hobbies, etc. She's more social and is no longer glued to her dad everywhere we go. She does her own cleaning, laundry, housework...hell she even makes ME breakfast every Saturday morning. I took her out on a shopping spree over the weekend and it was great. Thank you for the all the advice. Things are so much better.