Survived the grad party
Yesterday was the day I had been dreading for weeks, SDs grad party, given by BM. I wasn't really anxious about seeing her for the first time since Chrstmas. It was that I assumed it would be her friends and BM's family, all of who I assume have heard the worst version of events in our relationship with SD, and therefore look at me as "evil SM". I had it built up into that it was going to be uncomfortable at best, humiliating at worst.
It was neither, I actually had a nice time. The original list included us, my son, and my inlaws for DH's side. For once, I was grateful for my mother in law's rude habit of inviting a bunch of people to someone else's party - she did that here with DH's extended family, even though he had told her *he* wasn't giving the party. Worked for me, especially because the first people we came to were his cousins who are awesome, and talking to them first helped me feel at ease. There were actually more people from DH's side than BM's side. Thanks, MIL! SD had her polite face on, and from the outside you would not know there were any issues between her and us. I left actually thinking maybe things will be ok, maybe this thawed the ice and she and DH can start to rebuild.
SS21 lives about an hour away, and had planned just to come for the party and home the same day. Friday night he called DH and said he just realized Sunday was Fathers day and asked if he could stay with us Sat night and take DH to breakfast. That was nice. After the party, he came back here and it came up about my son and I going, which I hadn't planned on but since they asked, this morning the 4 of us went out to breakfast. No one mentioned SD, and I did not ask. Later in the afternoon, DH got a text from her saying happy Father's day and that she hoped he enjoyed the breakfast she wasn't invited to. He said he responded that typically kids reach out to their dads to set something up to see them on fathers day instead of the other way around. There was more from her he didn't share with me but he was upset. So crazy how we can go from feeling optimistic about things one day, and realizing it's still mess the next.
I am wondering if SS actually did tell her/ask her beforehand. Clearly he told her at some point, she didn't have any other way of knowing that we went and she even knew what restaurant. Doesn't really matter because it's ridiculous either way, but if he had invited her (which I feel like he would have), it's kind of next level to use that as a reason to be mean to her father.
DH is feeling done, he is seeing a pattern in that she is pretty much touching every holiday or event with something crazy to use against him. He said he can't handle getting hurt like this over and over when there is literally nothing he can do about it. I don't know if that will stick, easy to say when you are hurt and angry. I am leaving their relationship up to them, I just hate to see him hurt. For me though, I feel like I have done what I need to do, and I'm ready to keep my distance from her. I heard some things out of BM yesterday, along with some other things DH revealed about his relationship with BM, that proves to me that SD is so negatively influenced toward DH and I that I don't think there is any fixing it on our side. I think it if anything will help, it's time and SD being out from under BM once she goes to college in the fall. But, there's a good chance that nothing will. Such a shame, things shouldn't be this hard between people who are supposed to love each other.