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Stepson/changing custody papers

bsikes93's picture

Submitted by bsikes93 on Mon, 07/13/2020 - 9:13am

Forums: 
General Discussion

Long story short my step son asked me and his dad to invite his mom over because he wanted to talk to her with us there because he was scared to talk to her alone. So we did. And he proceeded to call her out on a lot of lies and reasons why he didn't want to live with her anymore (he is only 7), and it broke my heart. To our surprise she basically said yeah you can live with your dad because I can't take care of you like I need to.... so now he is living with us. My question is, with this being a mutual agreement between parents, how do we go about getting the custody papers changed to where we are the primary custody holders and she only gets him every other weekend? Because legally the paperwork still states we only get him every other weekend. In the past 4 months she's only seen him maybe 7 or 8 days in total. 

beebeel's picture

Submitted by beebeel on Mon, 07/13/2020 - 9:20am

Dad needs to call a lawyer and have them write up a new court order. Bm will need to sign it. Some states have the forms available online and he can do it himself if affording a lawyer is an issue.

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Mon, 07/13/2020 - 9:33am

and If dad has been ordered to pay support.. and that has continued despite the change in homes... expect BM to sqwack..lol

bsikes93's picture

Submitted by bsikes93 on Mon, 07/13/2020 - 10:18am

They have always been pretty eye to eye on child support. Everything's always been pretty mutual since the divorce. He even mentioned not enforcing child support on her, we just Want him in our home for the stability. She lives with her parents and spends all of her money on herself and cv partying and tattoos and piercings and not her son. He has had more asthma problems in the past year due to living in a chain smoking household and she swears its him pretending to get attention. So the money is the part of our worries 

Maxwell09's picture

Submitted by Maxwell09 on Mon, 07/13/2020 - 12:36pm

Be careful with this because some Bms will change course as soon as it becomes official because they hold on to the thought that they can change their mind whenever they want when they originally agree to it. Putting it in court papers means there's no threat of her being able to change her mind. Some also change up when child support gets canceled.
 

If I were your DH, I would go about two weeks with the new schedule to set into place then get a lawyer to draw up papers for her to sign off on. This way if she tries to change her mind, y'all can threaten court on the grounds that she agreed to it and have been doing it now for (it'll be about a month before you get everything drawn up and settled) a month or so. 

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Mon, 07/13/2020 - 12:58pm

First you let SS control you ininviting BM into your home. Second you let BM dump her kid onto you. Third you don't want BM to pay any money for SS support.  
So BM will be out having a good time going to Disney with her exter money and you will be camping with SS in the back yard.   You really should be concerned about being used.  Remember when SS gets around 15. He will think BM is MOY and you are the evil SM.  DH will think it's all your fault.  All you have left is credit card bills and Facebook pictures 

Cookieboom's picture

Submitted by Cookieboom on Mon, 07/13/2020 - 1:17pm

Please see my post....BF's xw did this and came back a year later. I told him to go to court and get emergency primary custody.  He did not.  Now BF owes $15000 in back CS and she has convinced Ds to say he wants to live with her.   Ds hates me for no reason and told Bf to dump me or he will never see him again....Good luck

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Thu, 07/16/2020 - 12:55am

I would suggest working with a very experienced dad focused attorney and file for temporary custody while the formal court process unfolds.

If BM will sign a change of custody document from DH's lawyer that is great. If not... get ready for backlash, waffling and court.

The toxic blended family opposition will often go to insane ends to cause pain to the quality side of the equation.  Change of custody efforts when they don't get their way, attempts to increase or eliminate CS (depending on which side they are on, interferance in visitation, rediculous interpretation of the Ts&Cs of the CO, etc.....

IMHO the best approach is a firm hand that is pleasant but be ready to make it less than pleasant if she waffles.

Good luck.