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Advice on dealing with a true blue WENCH!

Alcxg5's picture

DH was served court papers by his ex-wife for an increase in child support. DH has two daughters with her, ages 9 & 11. To all you seasoned ladies out there, are there any pointers you can give me that will help DH in court? The below are key issues regarding our situation:

1. DH's ex is remarried and voluntarily UNEMPLOYED. I feel like her voluntary unemployment should not be our financial burden. I have 4 bio children with DH and work full-time.
2. DH's ex lost her government assistance when she remarried a few months ago. The included her government Medicaid insurance for herself and the girls. She said we needed to add the girls to our insurance plan (I am the policy holder for insurance). I added the girls to my medical plan however, I couldn't provide them with dental/vision coverage because my plan doesn't accept step children unless we had physical custody. DH's job only offers a crappy medical plan, not dental/vision. She asked for documentation stating that we couldn't provide dental/vision because she found out she could ADD THE GIRLS FOR FREE TO HER HUSBANDS PLAN, but needed documentation to show they weren't receiving coverage from elsewhere. Once we have her the documentation, she changed her tune and stalled on getting them off my plan. If she has the chance to give them FULL COVERAGE for FREE in her husband's plan, why should we suffer paying for an additional plan?'
3. Will the judge take in to consideration that he has 4 children, 4 years old and under with me?
4. Any additional advice that would help us is greatly appreciate! She's trying to milk us...

Alcxg5's picture

I forgot to mention that DH's ex also has 4 children of her own. Aside from the 2 daughters she has with DH, she also now has two young sons with her current husband.

irishgirl0727's picture

No the court will not take other children and current household expenses into consideration. Most states have a set percentage for child support regardless of household responsibilities. I don't know what state your in but ours sends a review notice every 3 years that the custodial parent can choose to ignore or file. So the review is likely a standard review, if he is making less they will adjust accordingly. The amount of child support has no bearing on whether she is working or not.
Insurance companies and the courts do require proof if the court ordered parent is unable to provide coverage, you as the wife are not obligated to carry coverage on his children, he is if it is court ordered. If she is going to start having them covered the court order will need to be modified to reflect that. Most of this seems fairly straight forward and typical, I really do not see where she is going out of her way to make things harder for you, it sounds to me like typical state child support services crap. I have a feeling you are allowing your animosity to cloud the reality of the situation.

ESMOD's picture

My skids are both on my insurance (at 18 and 22).. I have been with their father for 14 years and married for 10. His support agreement said "he" had to provide insurance for the kids (medical bills to be split equally). As a self employed person with his own business...and me having a full time job with benefits, it really made sense to just go on the family plan at my job. It is like $600/year extra to have the two girls covered with med/vision/dental. If I had insisted he get his own policy for them it would have cost our collective budget a LOT more. Of course the ex never pays her half of the bills.. but that's another story.

I think the decision to carry them on the insurance is separate from the decision on who pays for the bills that come from actual use of the policy. I'm not on the hook for anything more than what they deduct from my pay for the premiums.

Disneyfan's picture

You mentioned BM's husband several times. He does not have to provide anything for your husband's children. You made the CHOICE to put them on your insurance, but he isn't required to do the same.

I hate the idea of a parent making the choice to be a SAHM, then looking to the ex and current husband to provide support for the kids.

I'm thrilled that the kids are no longer receiving government assistance. They have two able bodied parents who should be providing for them. The rest of us should not be on the hook because their parents can't or won't provide what they need.

Disneyfan's picture


DrowningAnchor11's picture

Some of the things you're asking about vary state by state... I saw a lot of people say that they won't consider additional children in the calculation. Where I live, they do. It's treated sort of like tax deductions. They use that to decrease available income. In your case, this would not effect your DH at all. BM and DH both have 6 kids, so their income deduction would be identical. If DH had 4 more kids after the divorce and BM had none, your DH would receive a larger deduction which would probably lower his support. Long story short is...even if your state considers your children in the calculation, it won't make a difference because they will consider BM's as well.

As far as BM being unemployed, some states will infer income based off of her ability to work. If she's voluntarily unemployed, they will consider what she could make if she were working. If you have proof she is voluntarily unemployed, take that with you. When it comes to insurance, defer to the CO. If your DH is supposed to provide insurance, he should do so..unless you are okay having them insured through your provider (we actually intend to do this when FDH and I get married since my insurance is 1/3 the cost of FDH's). I would not count on the SF to provide insurance at all... I just think it's asking for trouble.

DrowningAnchor11's picture

I did misread that, my bad... I agree about the bigger issue...It doesn't make sense to me that BM would be voluntarily unemployed when she has 4 kids ...

Disneyfan's picture

In NY you do not have to work in order to have dad on the hook for day care. If she decides to attend school full time, dad is screwed.

As a matter of fact, dad would have to pay, but would have no say in the center mom decides to use. So could pick a center that is $120 a week on the other side of the city instead of the free one two blocks from her house. YUP, the ex almost got screwed by this.

ESMOD's picture

Re the insurance, she may have found out it was possible to add the kids but not free. With 4 kids in her home, while it may seem "voluntary" to be unemployed, the child care cost of 4 kiddos might really outweigh the benefit of any money she might have earned.. so your DH is going to need to pony up for the kids he created and left and you both are going to have to work to support the FOUR more you created. Yeah, the horse has left the barn on that one but does he really earn enough to support 6 kids? That is a pretty hefty load there. The bottom line is that unfortunately, it's not his first kids' fault he decided to have more with someone else and they shouldn't suffer for it. I hope he stays well involved in their lives and doesn't abandon them for his 'new family'. I'm not trying to be too hard on him/you, but in this case, it's easy to see how kids could be shortchanged and that kindof sucks for them.. they didn't ask for the situation.

ESMOD's picture

In this case.. the dude did have input whether he had the 4 more though so it is really on him that he is in this bind to a certain extent. Now the EX has also added to her burden and that may be why she isn't working.. and that certainly isn't the fault of the OP's DH.. but unfortunately once he and the EX decided to no longer make decisions together.. it became possible for the ex to make decisions that ultimately do impact him since he had kids with her.

No, I don't think the younger kids should be short changed, but they are going to make him responsible for the older ones and the fact that mom doesn't work will probably work to her favor. The funny thing is that a judge will sometimes tell a man he must get a job to pay CS...

nursejacque24's picture

I have learned that the answers to these questions are entirely dependent upon which state you reside. My husband is currently preparing to go back to court with his ex wife, as she has asked for more child support. This is in Colorado. His attorney told him that us having a child together would factor into the equation somehow... not exactly sure but any other biological dependents would be added into the "forumla" they use. I however am recieving child support from my ex through the state of New Mexico, and it doesn't matter how many other biological dependents you have; the formula for child support is not effected by this factor.

We are also dealing with voluntary unemployment or employment that does not match her qualifications (she is a paramedic/LPN working in a job position where she only works 9 months out of the year). We are trying to fight that she could be making much more money (as she was in a previous job), and we should not have to pay for her to have a 3 month vacation every year. I am interested to see what the judge ends up saying.

The insurance issue I think is probably different case by case. We have my step son and bio daughter on my husband's insurance (my daughter is his step daughter). I don't know if I would be willing to carry his son on my insurance, if that were the case.

I'm sorry you are going through this, too. It is NO fun. Causes many fights in our household, unfortunately. Best of luck to you.