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Step kid Abruptly switched sides??? Thoughts

kathycrosbyvt's picture

Long but please read...,Ok I saw a Similar post here that got me thinking about stepkid.

For the last five plus years step kid who is 13 has been complaining how he HATES BM and wants to live with us. SS would say BM favors her “new kids” with her new husband over him. BM would Blaim everything on him. BM would not help him with his homework, call him nasty names, and take away his toys for no reason. There has been many Occasions where he would break down crying because he would not wanna go back to BM. Every visit SS would complain about BM. Again this was not once or twice thing because BM Punished SS and he was pissed so he said nasty things about her. No this was a on going issue for FIVE YEARS. SS has even started calling her “the witch”. 

We have been working with an Attorney for the last two years trying to get full Custody of SS due to this. SS is Aware of this and all for it....intill last month 

SS and DH had a MINOR Argument, words were Exchanged and DH told SS he could go live with his mother if he did not like it

SS lost it. Threw DH computer at him which hit DH and broke. SS went on screaming/crying that He’s been LYING about BM and that he really loves her and that she is the best mother. SS went on screaming/crying that DH is a Awful dad and he knows DH is trying to brainwash him against BM who is really good to him. Both DH and I were SHOCKED at this turn of events. Just the day before SS was calling her the witch and complaining about her AS NORMAL. Now DH has always been honest with SS. BM is very controlling and made everything difficult for DH. If SS wanted to come over and BM said no DH would tell him BM said no. Things like this. SS does now both parents hate each other. 

Now after this Outburst SS went up to his room and came down “normal” like nothing happened. A WEEK later DH mentioned BM may not like him doing something. SS Demeanor immediately changed and he raised his voice and said I told you I don’t want to talk about my mother and walked away. SS has totally stopped complaining about BM cold turkey and Refers to her as mom. If DH even mentions BM SS Visibly becomes upset and walks away quietly. 

So don’t after FIVE years of telling us how he hates her SS over night thinks she’s the best mother ever. This tells me SS WAS lying about all the things he was saying about BM BUT why???? Now DH and I have a huge mess as we are in the final stages and paid Thousands to the attorney to get Custody and EVERYTHING has changed but why???

Any thoughts? 

Harry's picture

You don't want him moving in with you.  You must disengage from this circus.   The BM , BD and SS circus.   They do this for the drama,  they like drama. 

still learning's picture

SS has done a great job of paying his parents against each other to get what he wants and it worked.  I guarantee you that ss is telling BM that he hates you and his father too. Teenagers hate their parents, it's just part of the process. Do not get sucked into it. Be the adult, be the parent. Quit playing the game. 

Unless there is documented abuse DH will not likely get custody of ss even if ss wants it.  Judges generally do not pander to the whims of whiny kids.  Save your money, sock it away so you can send him AWAY to college. 

Survivingstephell's picture

The way to conteract PAS is to present facts and quesiton why and make him do critical thinking.  A 180 like this ususally has roots in the other parent.  Firm boundaries also IMO for breaking the computer.  That has to have consequences.  

Rags's picture

Hopefully daddy popped that little shit across the lips with the back of his hand and shut that shit down in a hurry.  And made him work off the cost of replacing the computer with particularly heinous nasty chores.  
 

smh

kathycrosbyvt's picture

SS always complained about BM. For years. Then basically one day flipped a nut and that day forward COMPLETELY stop saying ANYTHING negative about BM and shut down DH if he even remotely said anything negative about BM. SS for a fact is not talking negative about DH to BM now or ever. How do I know? Because BM would NEVER be able to keep it to herself. It would have been used against DH in family court or DH would have gotten a nasty email from BM. 

Honestly I think SS was lying(SS even said so) for the last five years about hating BM and making up stuff to make her look bad to DH. Then finally when DH made that comment about BM SS just lost it and the truth came out. But why would SS lie all those years about hating BM and make up stuff BM never did. Not for drama as it was Obvious it’s been bother SS for sometime. Then why after 5 years did SS blow up and now flip a nut if DH so much as says boo about BM to him

Kes's picture

Kids of this age do this a lot.  We had several attempts by both SDs to come and live with us when they were this age, which were resisted strenuously, if we had allowed it, it would have become a revolving door situation which is what you have now. If they are at all prone to drama they like to be constantly in the spotlight getting attention, and what better way?

justmakingthebest's picture

Stop all custody fights now. Leave the status quo. Do not do anything else and do not waste another penny on this fight.