Words of encouragement, suggestions, general HELP needed
SS12 is the most horrible spoiled loud mouth RUDE disrespectful needy brat ever. I purposefully work(nurse) during his two week day visits but the every other weekends I can't and it's unbelievably awful. It's rare I can get through the weekend with out tears at some point.
According to the divorce agreement DH gets TWO 7 day vacations with SS over the summer. One week in July and one in August. It's pure hell and I start dreading it months ahead of time. This year DH purposefully scheduled the two vacation periods over BM's weekend. What does that mean? It means in July and August instead of two weekends a month we will have SS three weekends out of four since DH vacation weeks overlap BM's weekends! The whole summer I'm only getting two weekends that are Brat free!
Now with Covid19 lockdown who knows if I can even get away and go visit family/friends. I may not even be able to get away to a movie for a few hours. I maybe stuck dealing with this monster.
Talking to DH about his demon spawn is pointless and does no good.
Not sure if anyone can offer any suggestions or advice in getting through this summer with my insanity intact but I'm open for any help
Feeling for you
I know that summer dread so well. I had 5 kids here all summer, all day after day, for years. I see you have just the one, i dont see you mentioning BKs. That is almost worse since our 5 kind of entertsined each other. I would start getting really depressed this time of year, working up to summer vacation. I wish I had a cure for you. I see you work, that is one thing that helped, when I went back to work. I'm assuming your SS has all the electronics, that has to help some. Any local friends? Any friends you can import? How about a visit to Grandma? Camp?
I wish
SS has few Friends imagine that and it's only at school friends mostly they never visit outside of school. SS has grandparents but find them boring as they don't wait on SS hand and foot and DH won't force him to stay with them. SS goes to camp but this summer camp is NOT going to be open due to the virus.
Yes of course SS has every electronic from IPhone to Nintendo switch to Xbox. This Definitely helps and I Encourage him to play on these so I can get a break but daddy dearest hates them so he is Constantly trying to discourage SS
Why didn't he ask you if that
Why didn't he ask you if that was acceptable to you? He should have. That is the issue. The Skids being there more than they should is just a result of DH's sneaky crap. You need to give DH clarity that this cannot and will not happen again and that this time... you will be at work or on a break somewhere since he chose to not speak with you before setting up this summer's Skid visit.
Wine? probably would be my
Wine? probably would be my solution. No hotels are open here, (UK) nor likely to be in the forseeable future. I suppose you could buy a tent and go camping if you are in a place with reliable good weather.
Plan some weekend, or longer,
Plan some weekend, or longer, trips with friends this summer. If DH can't be bothered to ask if it's okay with you to have SS more often, then leave him behind and take your own vacation
Purposefully schedule other
Purposefully schedule other things you will need to be doing during these vacations - things you can't cancel. Especially since DH didn't discuss with you first. I will purposefully schedule dentist, eye, regular check ups, hair appt, manicure, etc. all on SD week so I get some alone time. Since you're working as a nurse, I would think it would be really hard for you to take 2 weeks off just whenever DH planned something, anyway? He shouldn't get mad at you for having other things to do during that time.
I will also schedule weekend trips to go visit my sister or parents. They are both 2 - 3 hours away, so it's a good chunk of the weekends. I "invite" them as well, however with BM being ALL over the place. DH never can schedule anything permanently with her. So I just end up going by myself anyway
sorry you are going through all that
When we were 2 weeks on/off, even though SD14 munchkin is really sweet, for some reason everything she did/said bugged the heck out of me. EVERYTHING. And thats with a great kid, I couldnt imagine the hell of being with rude kids.
Yes I’m pissed off about DH Decision
I Purposely went through the calendar ahead of time and picked out vacation weeks that would NOT over lap BM's weekend. DH Immediately turned them down Purposely wanting to take BM's weekends so it increases his parenting time. I was pissed and told DH by him doing this we will ONLY have ONE weekend a month during the summer alone for us to do something without SS. DH got pissed back saying his Usual crap that he wants more time with the brat, I'm selfish for Trying to deny him his son Blah blah blah
That is gaslighting and if
That is gaslighting and if this is even close to a regular thing, IMHO this is grounds for you to immediately go for his throat in an aggressive full confrontation divorce.
You are not the problem here. DH and his prior failure of a family, his continued failed parenting of the StepSpawn by not modeling a commited respecful relationship with his life partner and his dedicated failure as a husband to you are the problems. Blaming you and ridiculing you about denying him access to his kids is just toxic bullshit and a pathetic attempt at smoke and mirrors.
I truly hope you can be happy. Either with or without him and his prior failed family members.
The first thing to do is to
The first thing to do is to get his dad to address his rude behavior and if he won't then you do not have to put up with anyone being rude to you. Learn about disengagement if you don't do this already. Don't do anything for the boy, let his dad do it all. If SS asks you for something tell him to ask his dad.
As for keeping busy, if you can't leave the house I would get really into a hobby that you can focus on that while he is there. Reading, crafting, decorating, gardening, hiking, volunteering...anything that will keep you occupied and away from your SS.
Yes! Hobbies are great! I
Yes! Hobbies are great! I took up crochet and am almost done crocheting my cocoon to hide from SD lol
to OP, bummmer... my soul dies a little each time i look at the schedule and see that we get SD more than expected