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STalking for 16yrs... and 1wk.

Rags's picture

Thanks for letting me blather on STalk.

This place has been a life saver for me during our minor SKid years... and beyond.

Be safe, take care of yourselves, defend yourselves and your marriages from the toxic failed family baggage, and live your best lives.

I'm still working on all of it.  Even with the toxic failed family baggage long in the past.  That baggage being... the SpermClan of course.  The Unicorn SKid, is no baggage at all.

Sincere regards,



Give rose


Kes's picture

I have 13 yrs and 2 months here!  I often feel ST saved my marriage in the early years. I have come close to leaving DH because of BM, the SDs and the way DH failed to stand up for me, but never as close as in 2022-3, when I was subjected to a barrage of verbal abuse by SD29, with the result that I have now estranged myself from her, and refuse to be in her presence. However, DH has been working hard in therapy for the last 2 yrs, so I am keeping on for the time being. 

classyNJ's picture

Has been a journey  LOL.  I just wish I had joined sooner rather than right before I lost my Sh*t.


Harry's picture

That the way I was feeling was normal,  I wasn't the crazy one.  To cut through the B.S.    your SO giving you BS. as its for the kids,  NO, its for you.   The ex treated them like dirt, does nothing, but they still love them.  They still care more about the ex. They try to keep things like special times with tge ex.   You can't go to certain places because great memories with the ex.

I have PTSD ,  like we all have PTSD. it's a requirement.  

Rags's picture

SPPTSD from being married to Hope-ium addicted mates with failed family baggage.

That makes perfect sense.

Dash 1

queen-B's picture

I almost never post, but read here all the time and have learned so much and avoided so many issues thanks to you all!  Rags - you in particular, I love your style....and I have an SS I love dearly in the AF with gaming/depression issues so your insights are completely on point to help me help him.  I feel your pain and wish you, your lovely bride, and your son the very best.  Thank you, and thank you to everyone here who shares their struggles so the rest of us can benefit! *give_rose*

Rags's picture

Loving them can be so challenging when they avoid loving themselves at all cost.

I got a kick in the pants from the STalker community recently that has moved me to a better more supportive place with the struggles my kid and my bride deal with regardiing anxiety, etc..

"What can I do to help you right now?"

They think I have lost my damned mind, but... it is getting them to engage and us to all talk through it.

Also, it looks like SS is in large part dealing with the chronic side effects of Long Covid.  He and his med team seem to be aligning and working on it together.  His therapist, his shrink, and his neurologist are all three enagaging with him due to his assertiveness and the massive research he has done and his informed questions to the team.

Keep it up kid.  Just another reason I am so proud to be your dad. Now... pull your head out of your ass and get on with your life!


Aniki-Moderator's picture

Closing in on 10 years of STalking. 10 years ago, I'd've never thought we'd be in the happy place we are today. *smile*

Rags's picture

Seeing success for those of us who accomplish it in the blended family adventure is heart swelling.


NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

but this is my second time.  I made a new account once.  My step kids were 9 and 10 when I met them and are now 23 and 24. My steplife has certainly changed the decade plus I've been here.  I was here cause of BM and the older stepdaughter.  The younger one was my little buddy.  I butted heads bad with the older one.  So it seems so strange to me that I have a great relationship with the older one and none at all with the younger one.  Honestly, I do feel like I had a roll in older SD's growth and maturity and that she did listen to me and take what I said to heart.  Younger SD kept coming over completely at the end of 8th grade and was solely raised by her mom and she has a hard, sad life.  

Rags's picture

Tragically, some SKids make choices when they are young that ruin their lives.  It gutts those of us who do care when they do it. However, we cannot sacrifice our own lives on a forelorn hope to recover theirs.  At 23, she and she alone owns her choices.

Sigh's picture

Don't post often but read everday! The things I've learned here have kept me sane. That and moving far away from the Skids has of sight out of mind!


Rags's picture

Distance simplifies SParent life.   Even in the CP household. Distance from the blended family opposition minimizes the drama the opposition side can inject into the far away CP home.  

Long distance visitation limits visitation which limits Skid exposure to a toxic opposition.

It made our 16+ years under a CO manageable.

Sigh's picture

We would not still be togearther! His kids were young adults at the time we 1st got togeather. My experiences with them and hubby's FOO could have won a day-time EMMY for Maury Povic. 

The 2 SD's are still bat-shit crazy as are the rest of them. Now, I just shrug it off and roll my eyes. 

Best thing I've learned from this site was "Not my monkeys...not my circus" and disengaged.

Took a few years to get there. Over time because of my disengagement from the SD's my husband started seeing them and their poor life choices for what it is. Also, the juxtaposition of how my son's have always treated him with kindness and respect.


StepUltimate's picture

... although I lurked for a few months before I joined and blogged.

I appreciate StepTalk SO MUCH! Being part of a safe, anonymous community that totally "gets it" when my family and longtime friends just cannot relate to the StepRealm has been a major lifesaver. The wisdom, experience, encouragemant, and support of this online, international community is PRICELESS! 

I would probably be curled up in fetal position trying to suck my thumb while constrained by an "I Love Me" jacket (=straightjacket) in a padded room by this point if ya'll hadn't been here, instead of being free and healing 1 year after my divorce was finalized and 2 months after paying off my divorce bill.

Thank you and happy fRiDaY everyone! ♡♡