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SS12 very odd clingy behavior

LoriwVT96's picture

Now MOST kids get to a age where privacy and friends become more important than parents. I remember at a pre-teen/teen spending hours in my room talking on the phone/reading/watching tv/playing video games or hanging out with my friends. I have waited 6 LONG years for this to finally happen with SS12 BUT if anything hes gotten more clingy/dependent on DH when he's over. Which by the way is 40 percent of the time. SS12 has a older brother who was not like this. The older brother would have friends over, go over for sleep overs could entertain himself in his room. SS12 NEVER goes in his room except to sleep. Never reads/plays by himself. The only thing he will do by himself is games on his phone or play with the dog but needs to do both in whatever room DH is in or the main living room which is the main hub of the house to say. The few friends he does have SS has no interest in having them over. We have asked. When SS is over if I want to talk to DH without SS looming over listening in I have to try to either stay up past midnight as thats the time they BOTH go to bed or try and grab DH's ear first thing in the morning before SS gets up.

Anyone else ever had this problem and what age can I expect some relief?

Rags's picture

You will have some relief when your DH grows a pair and starts applying boundaries and enforcing behavioral standards on his child.

That is when you will have some relief.

This is not the kid. This is the results of your DH being an abject failure as a parent. Until your DH catches a clue nothing will change.  Ever.

Mcwilliams293's picture

DW SS was about 6 when we got together, he was same way had to be on DW hip all the time so much so that he would intentional be disruptive at school so the school would have to call DW to go get him, which was literaly everyday. It was so bad I was caalled back from deployement to the Middle East by her and his therapist. So I am sorry to say at that age he will never grow out of it and will only get worse and he will only get more brazen as my DW has let my SS do to me, they  both act as if SS is the husband and I'm the insurance and a paycheck. SS calls DW at least 15 times a day and has to see DW at least 8 times a week.

Since SS has been 16 we have spent over 28,000 dollars in purchased vehicles and repairs to vehicles he was allowed to drive and have due to DW guilt of past divorce from SS Bio and SS first SD. every time DW phone rings its always about needing money, we also have and still pay SS cell bill. This nightmare will never end for me but hav Bio D and SD that am raising in this house with DW.

1wonder woman's picture

My SO and I live together and he has a daughter is 12 years old. I know exactly how you are feeling... we have his daughter sleep over on weekends and she sleeps over I have noticed she will not just go to her room play video games or watch her TV by herself not like my two kids use to do. I even decorated her room up hoping that she'd spend more time in her room. Nope.  Last visit I watched her order her Dad around for hours non stop like he is her maid... Dad get me a drink Dad get me a snack... Dad carry me to bed...Dad sit beside me... she is very controlling and manipulative just like her mom.  Grrrr... drives me crazy...I had a talk with my SO about how she treats him and he said next time he will say no and put her in her place.  She is very clingy to her Dad too.  She tries to stay up late with him too.  But I speak up I set a bed time I have to or the kid would be up until her Dad goes to sleep. Heck when he was married to his ex-wife the kid always slept in her parents bed and her mom refused to make her sleep in her own bed... to this day she sleeps with her mom.  Now that is something thank God my SO will not allow her to do he makes his kid sleep in her own bed.  My SO does support me when I say Ok it's bedtime... he makes her go to bed.  Yes she will whine and make her Dad even carry her to her bedroom like she is 3... When she is around her Dad she is constantly on her cell phone text her mom non stop or she is playing games. My SO never will look at his daughters cell phone either she keeps it locked ...My kids were raised differently... I was this over protective parent and my SO is not far far from it.... I always checked my kids phones and computers. We have even busted the kid several times doing live video chats with her mom in our home and even when we'd be in the car or out to dinner and she would sit her phone down at the dinner table and we had no clue that her mom was seeing us eat dinner hearing our conversation... really pissed me off! Yep... his kid was having anxiety so bad she could not eat now we know why... her mom put her kid up to doing this crap... Here the whole time his ex-wife was spying on us. His ex-wife will text the kid even when we are in the movie theater during the movie non stop... well last time I made her give her give her phone to her Dad... I talked to her afterwards and I laid down the rules.  She will be watching a movie with her dad in our home and the whole time she is texting her mom... I told the kid it is rude and disrespectful ... this is your time to spend with her Dad not your mom. I recently busted his kid putting her mom on walkie talkie on her smart watch... her Mom could hear everything we were talking about I saw the kid looking down at her smart watch and sure enough I noticed her mom was listening in on our conversation during dinner.... grrrr.... what I have to put up with is crazy! But I make my SO discipline his kid trust me if I was not so demanding he would let the kid and his ex-wife do what ever.  

You two have to be on the same page when he has his kid if not you will not be happy... set some ground rules and make the kid go to bed at a certain time. I know how you feel trust me not fun.