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Sorry if I'm pleased....

aharris72's picture

As we leave for the weekend. After so many arguments with BM over having our CO parenting time this summer, DF filed the motion for full custody yesterday of SS9.

Our attorney, in talking with BM's attorney, asked why it was that BM thought she could call all the shots. BM's attorney states, "because she has sole custody". Our attorney corrected him, "No, they have joint custody, and my client is never consulted on matters pertaining to SS9". BM's attorney said he'd have to go back and consult the file.

So not sure what's been going through his head. But obviously, he has just been going with whatever BM said and enforcing things as if she did have sole custody. Maybe the tune will change if he starts advising her correctly? IDK

All I know is that we're going to be out of cell range all weekend long, having a blast with our family on the lake when she gets her fat eyeballs on the paperwork.

I might, though, have to drive back to cell range on occasion to update my facebook. Funny how she has me blocked, yet always seems to know what I post. LOL Stalker.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

If your BM has you blocked on facebook, she has a mole checking out your page and reporting back to her.

Orange County Ca's picture

Being "Liked" on Facebook is like sitting at the "Cool" table in the insane asylum.

You'd actually drive somewhere to update Facebook?

byebyebirdie's picture


kathc's picture

Facts so far: Her attorney is too incompetent to even have asked for a copy of all pertinent files before agreeing to represent her. He has been going based on what she's telling him alone ("she has sole custody") and I'd be willing to bet he's going to drop her rather than be made a fool of in front of the judge.

SugarSpice's picture

how did you consent to be friends on facebook? bad move. i would never consent to this. what i choose to share is none of bms business. why did women time and time again agree to associate with bm. because they screwed the same guy?

Calypso1977's picture

honestly, you probably wont get full custody. you probably wont even get 50-50 unless they can prove that somehow your SS is in danger or being neglected.

i hope it goes better for you, but this will probably get nasty and be very drawn out which will cost you a lot of $$$.

remember - you getting full custody means BM will lose CS and she wont want that.

my fiance spent nearly $10K to get 50-50 custody in a near perfect scenario (we live 5 minutes from BM, kid wouldnt have school or activity issues, etc.). they finally "settled" which resulted in him getting less time with his kid that he originally had, and he ended up getting stuck with $500 in activity fees each year (which she's only asked for once, and then we never paid because my fiance was smart and said he'd pay the vendor directly, NOT just reimburse BM, and she dropped it at that).

Rags's picture

Oh the bottom 10%er idiots of the legal profession that gravitate to family law. How much fun it is to bare their idiot asses in court right along with their moron clients.

We shredded so many of the Sperm Clan's attorneys that they gave up on trying to find another one. }:) Blum 3

One letter from our shark attorney and their latest lawyer victim would quit.

Gotta love it.

QueenBeau's picture

Sounds like SD7 BM lawyer years ago. It was her cousin. BM lied to him and didn't tell him they had a previous parenting agreement. Totally made a fool of him.

aharris72's picture

You people crack me up complaining about the money you spend to make sure you get to be apart of your child's life. The DH and I both drive newer vehicles. What kind of parent would we be if we weren't willing to at least drop that same amount on legal fees? Crappy ones in my opinion.

BM is assuming that DF is the same as when he was with her. He worked hard, and didn't spend a dime (she did all of that). With me, we're partners. We work, save and spend our money together, for our blended family.

We will NOT let this child be used and manipulated and someday say.....while living a great life...."sorry kiddo, we just didn't want to spend $10,000 on helping you have a stable life".

We have my DD7 here, and he doesn't understand why she gets to live here, and spend all the time with HIS father. Then SS9 sees her BD and step mom come over and interact with us and that's confusing.

If BM wanted to get along, there would be no need for the legal battle. But to quote Billy Joel, "we didn't start the fire. though we didn't light it, but we're trying to fight it".

We want full custody, and she can keep her CS - we've made that clear! It's not about money. It's about a child.

Calypso1977's picture

good for you, your new cars and apparently your high horse.

not everyone has the luxury to drop thousands on legal fees and not everyone has the mental capacity to handle the mudslinging, false accusations and the like.

to insinuate that fathers who cant or wont invest money to fight for custody are somehow horrible people who only care about material goods simply isnt fair.

again, the kid isnt being abused or neglected, based on what youve posted. if that is happening, then absolutely, you find a way to pay and make it work.

the courts will NEVER give a father full custody. it just doesnt happen unless there is some extenuating circumstance. but PAS is very difficult to prove, and most judges still believe that a kid belongs with his mother for the majority of time.

how would you like it if your daughter's father tried to take her from you for full custody? im pretty sure youd be singing a different tune.

aharris72's picture

In fact, he did try, in the beginning. It's his right to do so. But he quickly saw that I didn't want his money (he pays no child support) he instead takes care of his daughter. He sees her whenever he wants, and whenever she wants. She's not PROPERTY.

It's not a "high horse" it's priorities. For me, I'm not going to drive a nice car then tell my child they're not worth it. I'd live in a box first, before I let any parent abuse a child that is in my care, even part time. My point was that I would do without for my kids.

And we believe not being allowed to spend time with one parent, mother or father, is abuse.

I'm not saying fathers who can't/won't fight only care about material goods, I'm just saying that this is America. And it's not uncommon that we collect welfare while talking on our Iphone 5.

Sounds like you've had a bad experience and that's too bad. But I also believe that your case is unique. Aspects might reflect mine, or other peoples. But to say in a general way that we won't be successful is coming from spite and bitterness on your part.

Honestly, I'd rather have the high horse you accuse me of than a heart full of resentment.

Calypso1977's picture

arent you just mother of the year.

and my case isnt unique. read these boards. or better yet, go read some of the boards.

not sure where your welfare comment comes from or why you think my fiance's priorities are out of whack.

come back in a year. id love to hear how your custody battle went. obtaining full custody is near impossible, unless you have bottomless resources at which point you can then bury the other party in paperwork and court expenses to the point that they give up.

Jsmom's picture

Courts do give full custody to fathers. Depends on the circumstances and the age and wants of the child. We also, have a good life and chose to spend thousands in court. First to fight for custody of SD18 and then giving up and then fighting for SS16 when he wanted to live with us.

You do what you have to when you know what is in the best interest of the child. We couldn't win against SDthen14's wishes to not live with us, but when SS wanted to live with the parents that had rules and stability, we did win and here in GA, it is what the kids want at 14. 10-15K in court battles and we would do it again.

SD18 lived with BM and is a train wreck at college now and SS16 is thriving here with us. We did what we could. Do what you know is right. You have a 50/50 shot, but if you don't try, you will regret that. DH wishes we had fought longer for SD, but we were told we couldn't win since she wanted to live with BM. Well she did and she has had three pregnancy scares (thank you twitter) and does lots of drugs and drinking. Graduated HS with a 1.2 GPA. She just started last week at a pathetic school and now we are just waiting for a phone call that tells us she is either dead or pregnant...

Calypso1977's picture

well, again, different circumstances.

from what OP has written, it sounds like the BM just doesnt want to follow the parenting plan. maybe some PAS. they wont take away her custody for those things. maybe some wrist slaps, but that's about it.

given what's happened with my SD ive read alot on PAS - its near impossible to prove and some judges still dont think its even a true concept that exists.

Jsmom's picture

Understood, but knowing what I know now, you have to try. We know BM was a somewhat decent parent, but she didn't know how to enforce any rules or boundaries. We had to fight. We knew my SD would turn out bad so we had to try. If we hadn't and she does die or OD's, we couldn't live with ourselves. You have to do what you have to ensure the child has a chance. BM is not a horrible person, she is just useless as a parent. So with a bi-polar child, you have to be a tough parent. She couldn't do it and SD is out of control. Now, SS is a good kid and just wanted rules. He is doing great.

We had to fight the PAS and take our chances. Unfortunately, there was no perfect scenario and SD lost as a result. She thinks she won.

Sports Fan's picture

The chances of a father getting full custody is a lot less than a 50/50 scenario, especially if the BM isn't in some way unfit. Like Calypso said, most courts are not going to move a child for the reasons OP stated. It is hard to even get 50/50 visitation with joint custody sometimes. Courts still favor BMs over BFs and the womens' rights groups will fight long and hard to keep it that way.

ocs's picture

My DH and I make great money, drive nice cars and live in a kick ass house. DH won't fight in court.

BM is a trainwreck, but stops just short of being a crack-meth whore. For this reason, DH won't push it in court. BM has made her own bed and has had to lay in it a few times, but a judge won't award to DH simply because BM is a bitch. She would have to have physically endangered SD and so far, we haven't been able to prove anything. Lights and power got turned off? She found a way to get them back before Child Welfare showed. Man living with her when he shouldn't be? Got rid of all traces of him before CWS got there. SD manipulated into doing what ever and saying whatever BM wants? YEP.

DH chose to fight back slowly and silently, and so far so good. Here, judges take into consideration what the kid wants at age 12. DH chose to make the kid start to critically think about living situations, and how different we all are. SD tried harder at school and with DH's encouragement and (yes $$ for special classes) help, has gotten into an amazing school.

Would that have happened if we chose to 'live in a box' and spend all of our money in court? I resent people and ideology that states "People who don't go broke in court are dead beat parents."

**NOTE**- this being the world wide web and all, people here are from all over. Not just America.

BTW- your BM is good.

~~We want full custody, and she can keep her CS - we've made that clear!~~ she has you thinking that is your idea...