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Some stuff seems small but then others seems big.

ajl's picture

Hi everyone. I hate that it seems I’m complaining or venting constantly but I have no one else. So for that reason this forum counties to be invaluable for me.

 

ss13 stays here for the summer and it’s a burden. Not financially but things that I’m required to do, but I’ve done well with moving past it and settling in. For the most part.

We bought and live on a small farm. I have a 4 year old and 2 year old, “ours” kids. 

 

We have all kinds of animals. Goats, chickens, ducks, cats, horses. I love it.

Our children help me take care of them. It’s a blessing. 

 

My issue is that everything that me and our kids do that is new- kids riding horses with me, us holding goats, kids doing farm work. It’s never documented unless I ask. My hubs has no “time to do  pic or video” button to record these things. 

But, interestingly when SS does anything around here, like picks up a pitch fork or gets a pony ride from me the phone is out recording every moment. Like everything that he does which is mostly nothing outside of video games is recorded but our kids get no air time.  

Clearly this hurts me for obvious reasons but mostly because I have to ask for my recordings of my fun stuff with out little ones and stuff I love teaching my children, but SS gets all the attention and photos and videos. 

Im kinda done now. I continue to withdraw  and I probably won’t return until He goes home at the end of the summer. 

 

Im not sure what I’m asking for. Maybe just support or to know I’m not alone. All I know is that I don’t feel like me and the burden feels heavy, which isn’t normal for me. Typically I feel light and happy. It’s going to be a long 8 weeks.

thanks for reading. I truly appreciate even being able to type this out. It helps. 

 

 

 

 

somethingwicked's picture

Don't blame the skid.Blame your blockhead DH.

He's the one playing Cecil B DeMille and choosing not to electronically  document ,you or his stepkid 4 or your "ours" child.

You should sit him down and share your feelings expressed here with him.He may not even be aware he is excluding the younger kids .

Does he not see his teen son much? What are  the CO visitation parameters?

He should include all the family members rather than through his actions possibly  create  feelings of competition or being ignored.

 And reading through again perhaps your DH is trying to encourage his son away from video games  and hoping to get outside more and so he is filming his teen  and playing back the footage to inspire his kid.OR maybe he wants kid to have a "what I did this summer" to show the EX that  Daddee is an involved parent (at the expense of the rest of the family time) 

Maybe your DH  is more able to relate to his  young teen aged son rather than the much younger children .

These suggestions are possible explanations for  your DH's documentary choice but in no way  are  a pass or an excuse for his exclusionary behavior ~merely an observation.

You are going to have to discuss your feelings ~disappointment or  your anxiety for  the younger kids,that they  are not important to him or whatever you are feeing~ with your husband . And also listen to his side as he may not even realize his is excluding the other members of the family from these memory making times .

Summer just started. Get this worked out so that it is a good and memorable and happy summer for the entire family. Good Luck.

marblefawn's picture

All you have to do is take a daily look at StepTalk to see you're not alone!!! There is no word count here, so vent away!

You know you're keeping count, right? And you know that can't come to any good, right? So this is a small thing, but it's big to you, so it matters. But it's still a small thing, so fix as much of it as you can.

When your kids have a pony ride planned for the day, tell your husband that morning that you'd like him to record it. He'll probably do it, right? You don't have to say you feel his treatment of the kids is uneven -- you're simply setting a request/expectation for your husband. (Maybe he's not the type to take a direct request like this, but maybe he is.) You might never be able to get him to pick up the camera on his own, but you can specifically ask him to do it because it's important to you.

If he still won't do it, you have a different problem (a guy who doesn't think meeting his wife's simple request is important is a different problem than a guy who's just thick in the head). But I think if you make a reasonable request without hassling him about why you're making it, he'll know what you want and he'll either rise to the occasion or not. Give it a try. These men are so freaking thick, he won't even realize you think there's a bigger issue behind it. But just in case there isn't a bigger issue behind it, just in case he's nothing more than thick brained, set the expectation and see if he gives results.

I've learned that sometimes in the past (I think it was actually our therapist who noticed this) I didn't make my needs crystal clear to my husband. I thought I had, but to him, I wasn't giving a direct request or my "ask" was muddled in other stuff he couldn't decipher. We women tend to cover up our needs and hope we get what we want by chance. Tell your husband exactly what you want -- "TAKE VIDEO, HONEY!!!!" If he can't make it happen, let us know and we'll get him on the right path for you. Biggrin But first you have to be sure you are being really clear.

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

Disengage from his other kid 100%. No DuH home no skid. Do nothing for or with him.

i agree with the others: tell that asshole directly that you need him to take photos and videos of his other children. Tell him exactly when and where.

if he doesn’t do it then do not jump at his requests anymore. Do not go anywhere with stepdemon nor spend a penny of your money on him.

Harry's picture

He so much in love with DS he take care of him in the summer,  not dumping him on you