So spoke to DH about calling the police..
On my last post Members recommended that if SS Threatened to hit or hit someone in my household to call the police. I brought this up to DH and here is his response....DH said if he called to police on SS if would be Disastrous. What DH means if SS would refuse to talk to them and if they tried to remove SS from the house SS would flip the F out. Meaning screaming, hitting the police and trying to run away. The police would Literally have to drag him out of the house. I totally agree with DH this would be how it would play out. Now I personally would love to see this go down. DH then went on to say if DH ever did this to SS, SS would hate him for life and never forgive him so DH won't do it. Again SS is very Vengeful and hold a grudge over very minor things so again I agree with DH about this. Again I would love this but don't see DH doing( divorce daddy guilt).
Ok DH.. here are your options
Ok DH.. here are your options.
1. Police will be called if your son threatens me. period.... BY me..
OR
2. If you are afraid to deal with the consequences.. they you will need to see your son ONLY outside of our home and away from my presence. And.. I hope you realize that your inability to act and parent has led to a place where you are literally afraid to discipline your son. This is on you... YOU let it get this far. You can't blame your EX.. you could have done the work when it would have mattered.. but you chose to ignore.. now the problem is big enough to do serious damage and I refuse to be put in the firing line any more.
That's it. If he won't deal with his kid.. the kid doesn't come to the home.
You are placing your safety
You are placing your safety in your SO's hands by allowing him to decide if the police are called. However, he has already told you he won't protect you from SS's abuse. You need to do it yourself & be prepared for the consequences. Do you really want to be with a man that is willing to throw you under the bus to maintain a relationship with SS by allowing you to be abused? I don't know how much clearer I can be.
Forgive me if I am wrong, but
Forgive me if I am wrong, but your SS isn't severely autistic or have any type of traumatic brain injury, right?
As long as those statements are true-
"Fine, DH, you don't have to call the police, I will. I will not be threatened or harmed in my home. You don't have to be the "bad guy". SS has to be held accountable and if you won't do it I will. And if you don't like it then BOTH of you can leave this house."
Cool so your DH is telling
Cool so your DH is telling you he will continue to be bullied and threatened by his son out of fear of "my kid won't like me". I hope you and DH have started having serious discussions of what will happen when SS assaults one of you. I would also get your affairs in order and work on having a next of kin, not DH, to deal with any funeral arrangements, should that occur.
ETA: It's pretty sad that you value your own safety so little that you would listen to a man who obvsiously has zero concern for you. If I ever told my DH I was afraid of somebody hurting me and he gaslight me the way your DH did you I would have zero respect for my DH. How can you tolerate a person who values your life and piece of mind so little?
just because daddy allows his
just because daddy allows his son to be a violent child doesn't mean you have to.
If DH doesn't curb this
If DH doesn't curb this behavior now, SS will engage in a life of crime and have constant problems with relationships and the law. He needs to set limits. It's called Tough Love.
If DH refuses, SS should be banned from your home, so you don't have to deal with this. If he's not willing to keep you safe, you need to leave.
If your SS is SO out of
If your SS is SO out of control that he would freak out in front of the police and hold a grudge against his father "forever", then you need to call the police because this child is seriously disturbed and needs consequences and/or professional help.
So your husband would rather you be in harms
Way and physically attacked by ss to avoid the drama? Its another case of keeping the current status quo and no teaching the kid about repercussions
your husband is also responsible for protecting you and not allowing you to remain in such an abusive toxic household
this is one reason why sd's have never come to our marital home because they excused and condoned the abuse of bio mum and her family towards my husband and since we have 2 young kids, he wants none of them here
You do it. It has to be done to minimize the risk to others
that this ill behaved turd of a man sized teen represents.
It appears that DH is focusing on his own fee fees rather than on resolving the problems at hand and getting this kid help.
I hope that DH can get his head on straight with all of this, stop deflecting, and take assertive effective action. For your safety if for nothing else.
Being frog marked in cuffs to the patrol car screaming, spitting, etc... will ultimately engage a sequence of events that may just get t his kid's attention before he turns 18 and ends up picking up soap in the prison showers for the lifers.
who cares what your DH says ,
who cares what your DH says ,, if you feel threatened , call the cops! i wish i did at the time when i turned around to see SS about to throw a rock at the back of my head when i was walking away,, in fact i actually wish he had of thrown the rock and it hit me, that would have saved further more times of him targeting me over the next year. call the cops on the brat
End of the day, what op husband is teaching his feral
Son and others is that this is an acceptable way to behave because ss is family so we don't call the cops on abusive physically threatening family.
essentially this cycle of dysfunction would never end. I could never remain in a toxic physically and verbally abusive environment like this. I wouldn't have any respect for this man.
when i had given birth to my newborn son, one day after finally falling asleep, we hear screaming and hubby wakes up. Turns out ss20 had non stop been playing video games to the point he was non coherent. He ran upstairs like he was possessed like a demon and demonic laughing.
hubby was unimpressed and asked what the bloody hell was wrong with him. A short while later knocks on our bedroom door and ss apologises to hubby claims there are bad spirits in his room.
right now i'm freaking out. Turns out no demons, this is what happens when an adult computer game addict is allowed to lock themself in a bedroom day and night and not interact with others.
i made it clear to my husband he was not going on overnight outstation visits and leave ss home with me and our newborn and 1 yr old daugher alone. Because if the same thing happened, i'd whack ss with hubby's golf clubs till unconscious and call the cops that he was out of control.
that was enough for me to deal with. I can't see when op is dealing with a verbally and physically abusive ss who actually has no remorse, is happy to be threatening others and a husband who is meant to be protecting her, is placing op in direct line of fire and harms way, telling her to suck it up.
as rags would say, this man is no partner and has no care or concern for you, has not made your safety a priority.
you already know this is not a safe place to be in so its time to ply hardball. Is home in both your names or are you both joint names on the mortgage and paying the mortgage? Then time to tell hubby ss is to move out immediately elsewhere, to his biomum, a facility that deals with troubles kids, if not, then you want out of this marriage.
don't live a life with this toxic emotional/financial baggage and be treated like dirt. Respect yourself and value your self worth. You know better, you know this isn't right. How can you respect a balless man like this and want to remain married to him. Don't be another statistic of crazed ss murders or tries to kill/harm stepparent. Living here is doing more damage to you and your future
That is some frightening stuff.
I hope that DH purged your home of his game addicted failed family progeny.
Ss still lives in marital home. Me and kids are in another
Country whilst i finished my university studies and covid pandemic hit and my country shut borders for over 2 yrs. we weren't allowed in or out of the country and minimal flight caps ensured everyday people and immediate family could not travel.
i got to a point 4 plus yrs into marriage that nothing had changed. When ss claimed there were bad spirits in the room, hubby called equivalent of a priest who said there was nothing in the room or ss, he had made that nonsense all up. His brain got fried from the video games.
i had warned my husband this is what will happen if you allow ss to not socialise with anyone and couped up in a room all day and night, our 2 young kids see him as a stranger.
hubby ended up buying a home in my country and put it in my name, he didn't trust his kids to behave ethically and fairly in the event he would die tomorrow so to counteract bio mums power and brainwashing over skids, hubby moved a large chunk of savings and bought home in my name so if anything happened to hubby and he passed away, I wouldn't have to deal with bio mum and skid shitshow.
i could just fly back to my country and not deal with their crap. Hubbys life insurance policy for work is also allocated to me. Hubby said of he were to die, skids would all be adults and should be financially independent or job capable (whether hey want to is another story) whilst our 2 minor kids aren't capable of getting jobs yet and have not benefited financially like skids have off hubby.
there is too much toxic crap with skids I don't wanna deal with