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Sl*t shaming

Someoneelse's picture

Omg, so, I'm all for hating BM for things that she does that ACTUALLY effect your home. 


So this is about a post on Facebook stepmom group.  This lady was shaming BM for having multiple sex partners... she asked if BM was wrong for this, i told her that it wasn't my cup of tea, but BM's sex life is BM's business, not hers. To which she exasperated something along the lines of "i don't want my daughter to learn that it's ok to just jump from atop one man to the next"

... to which I replied, thank God she's not your daughter then..... she did not like this!  She then wrote something (that was obviously taken down immediately, because she had to screenshot it and repost it)... that was about how she just a much sd's mom as BM was... and that i was a c*nt for suggesting otherwise... and that her post was not about the b*tch BM sleeping around, that she wasn't appreciative of me being a negative Nancy...

I then told her that maybe she needed some help from a counselor or something because obviously she was very upset with BM's sexual activity and maybe she needed to talk through it with someone ....

These Facebook people scare me lmao

tog redux's picture

I don't get these people who decide they are just as much a mother to a child who came out of someone else's vagina, as the vagina-owner is, and that vagina-owner is still very active in the child's day-to-day life, AKA is THE MOM.  What is that about?  I get being attached to stepkids, seeing yourself as another parent or a help to the parents, but you are NOT equal to the child's mother just because you happened to marry their father. 

Also, I don't even want to know how she knows how many sexual partners BM has.

Someoneelse's picture

Exactly! I distance myself from being anything to sd, but i get that done people want to have SOME meaning to their step children's lives... but to be EQUAL to the parent is just not going to happen.  If for any reason she breaks up with DH, she's not going to have to deal with any decisions made, and won't be prevalent in sd's life....

Also the ONLY way she knows (that i can think of)  is that sd is telling her who is staying over at night.  Maybe she's questioning sd? I dunno, but I'm just confused as to why she's so upset with BM about who she's sleeping with, unless she's jealous that BM is so free to sleep with who ever she wants... 

Rags's picture

Though I would never settle for being equal to the opposition parent. I am far superior and I make damned sure that fact is absolutely clear to everyone in question.  I do that by being present, involved, an example, committed to my Skid's mom/my bride, raising him as my own, making him an integral part of my extended family which they are all fully engaged in making happen, and ..... making damned sure that any shit the SpermClan pulls is fully broadcast and confronted when they pull it.


Someoneelse's picture

but you know that you aren't just as much a dad as dad is (if dad is 100% involved and raising their child). You know that if the dad is 100% involved (as this BM was involved) that you aren't just as much a dad to that child.

Rags's picture

When a kid has two quality parents.  

Though when they don't have two quality BPs, biology really has zero relevance on  how much a StepDad or SM is a dad or mom Vs. how much a SpermDad or womb donor is. 

Ideally, all 4 potential parents to a kid, 2Bios, 2Steps are quality parents.  

Though that is not what STalk is about.  Most of us do not have a blended family situation where there is not a toxic opposition.

Unfortunately it is likely fairly rare for a divorced former family couple to both be of sufficient quality and maturity for both BPs to be 100%  involved.  For clarification, I do not think that a long distance visitation schedule precludes 100% involvement.  IMHO 100% involved is being present and engaged when a Skid is with that BP.

I have mixed feelings on my SS's situation growing up.  On the positive side, he had very little exposure to his waste of Skin SpermDad.  On the negative, his SpermDad did not give a shit enough about him to spend the COd time he did have with the kid.  During the toddler and very young child years my SS was pawned off on his GreatGrandParents. Two sets.   Once they all passed, SS spent 99%+ of his COd visitation time with SpermGrandHag.  Out of  ~49 COd visitation days per year (5wks Summer, ~1wk Winter, 1wk Spring) my SS laid eyes on his SpermDad ~3-5 days.  Almost never for an entire day. Usually for only a few hours of any day that SS actually saw the Spermidiot.  That was if they even bothered to take their COd visitation at all. There were a number of times in the 16 years we lived under the CO that they took no visitation for a year or more.

With the shit show that is the shallow and polluted half of my SS's gene pool, that they were less than reliable in their visitation, and his Spermidiot was nearly completely uninvolved,  turned out to be a great thing for my son.  That let him have a reasonably normal intact family upbringing with a mom and a dad who are both committed spouses, successful graduate degreed professionals, who raised him with standards of behavior and performance, and who have been absolutely staunch in having SS's back through his childhood and being parents to a viable adult man.  His three younger half sibs are sadly following the path that the SpermClan has generally followed for generations.   Infidelity, extreme struggles just existing, prison, etc.....

SeeYouNever's picture

Some women prefer to focus on the fact that BM is a slut rather than acknowledge that their husband has no standards.  After all he slept with this sl*t

Rags's picture

Good point.

Though the slut part may not have been apparent when the SM's DH became involved with the skank whore BM.

That was the case for me in my first marriage which by the grace of the low motility Gods I avoided sullying my gene pool during.

My XW was pregnant when she moved out though we had not been intimate in more than 8mos.  I was clueless.  Infidelity was not in my lexicon of life experiences until that marriage.  I found out she was pregnant a couple of months later when she ended up in the hospital during a miscarriage.  For some reason she found it important to call and tell me.

Let me tell  you, that was a knee bender but it also gave me room to forgive myself for the failed marriage though I really had nothing to forgive myself for.

I was all in. She was never in at all. But apparently every swinging Johnson she could get hold of was all in her pretty much the whole marriage.

Of course the surprise could also go in the direction of a BM who marries or spawns with a characterless POS XH/BioDad.

Someoneelse's picture

even so, who BM brings to her bed is still NONE of our business, especially if it means that she's too busy to be all up in our lives LMAO

Rags's picture

Though if those choices impact a kid who then brings the side effects into our home, then I suppose it does become our business. At least our business to do what we can to mitigate the consequences.

CLove's picture

I dont care about that, to be honest. People do what people do and make their own choices and Im not going to judge them. Its also very sexist, as in if a man did the same thing would we be saying anything?

But, now Im wondering with FB stepparenting group that is because Im a member of a few, and havent seen that yet.

Someoneelse's picture

That's exactly what i mean, i even mentioned that i thought this whole purity culture was so toxic and that she literally had all these women ganging together to judge a woman that they didn't even know.  

I'm pretty sure that she blocked me, i tried looking up the post/ any of her posts. It's in the group called warrior stepmom 

Rags's picture

Cancel culture at work.  Erase it and ... POOF.... it never happend. At least in the minds of the intellectually deficient.


Ashleytenorio17's picture

Wow!!! I mean who cares who BM sleeps with and legally that's not her daughter! If she thought so shE could try to adopt lol but this lady is concerning herself with something that truly non of her business. I stopped even trying to be half a mother to my SD who feels as if she would be betraying BM be liking Me... NO thanks, I have my Own kids

to really about . This Stepmom needs a hobby 

Someoneelse's picture

Exactly, like i couldn't imagine thinking I'm just a much "mom as bm" I'm more important in my home than BM... but dd has a mom, and i don't want to try to compete for sd against her own mom... that would literally drive me insane! And i could honestly care less if BM was having outfits at her house every night, as long a it meant she was so busy that she had no time to mess with my home.