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dadpets's picture

I need help with a situation involving skids sister,she is 6 i shall call her LEE.She has been coming on holidays with them at my decision for a year now,as her BF has nothing to do with her and grandparents refuse to acnowledge her as their blood,i cant leave her there with BM while i take my skids for hols,i know from past experience that she wont do anything with her that dosent involve turning on the tv.i have since met a wonderful woman with skids of her own,this puts our family up to 8.My gf does not want to accept LEE into our life and refuses to include her in activities with other skids,she says that she is afraid of getting close to her and losing her if BM decides that she cant come anymore.i have seen the look on LEE's face when she talks about her BF,she's crushed. Is it wrong of me to bring her,is gf right in her decision? i feel sick at the thought of telling LEE she cant come anymore.

toriandred's picture

I wouldn't want to leave the little girl out. That is just wrong. LEE is an innocent child and deserves to be included in the family activities along with her siblings. I think your gf needs to see that.

misguided's picture

That is just mean. I understand not wanting to get hurt but at the expense of a six year old girl is not right. Your GF needs to suck it up and you need to put your foot down on this one.

stuknaz's picture

That is cruel.. Don't leave Lee out! Your girlfriend is making up excuses as far as why Lee shouldn't come as well. Imagine if you were Lee. Sad

"And this too shall pass..."

Orange County Ca's picture

Let me understand:

Your new girlfriend is afraid of being hurt. She is an adult.

This little kid, apparently without a friend in the world.....

Ahhh, what was your question again?

melis070179's picture

I would say as long as Lee knows you aren't her dad, and you aren't playing daddy, then coming at holidays shouldnt be too big of a deal. If this little girl thinks you're dad, and you're playing daddy, you will run into problems not having any rights over her and your GF wanting to keep her distance. Does your GF not like the BM? I can see your GF's point in not wanting you to play daddy to your ex-wife's child, especially if she doesnt like BM, but as long as it is occasional and there are clear boundaries, your GF should compromise on this if her only reason is being scared of BM taking her away. My dad and stepmom used to let my stepbrother come to visits with me occasionally. It can become a VERY tricky situation though so be me, I've dealt with a stepchild's siblings before.

"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"

dadpets's picture

LEE knows im not her dad,although she does call me dad,which came from when she was about 2 years old and was staying over,i entered the relationship when her older children were only 3 and 6,we split up after 4 years together..very complex after the split,lots of moving me for work,her for relationships,and arguing,a very difficult time. GF sees BM as a slack mother,she has talked to my kids about her,she was diplomatic about it,kept her opinion to herself,i guess she wanted a different outlook then the one i gave her,they turned out to be the same.GF has also mentioned that she thinks BM is doing this so she gets time to herself and a babysitter.BM has and probably would take her away again if it suited her.

Abalyn's picture

My nephew is my brother's child. He has a half brother and half sister that have a different dad. They are all my family. They all three go camping with us, come over for sleepovers, get Christmas gifts, etc. If my husband didn't accept that they were part of the family, we probably wouldn't have married.

Ask your GF this - If we are to marry and something should happen to me, you would have no rights to my children and their mother would have no requirement to continue a relationship. Is that a possibility you can live with? Because, really, Lee is no different.

Family is more than DNA, it's an attachment of the heart. I would wonder if she has more reasons for trying to exclude this child, because she faces that same possibility with you and your children.

>>>Blended families - Like throwing a bunch of perfectly good lives in a blender, whipping them like a cyclone, and hoping that whatever you're left with doesn't have to be poured down the drain because it's too nauseating to stomach!<<<

melis070179's picture

I too think there is a little more to the story...I think GF probably sees a future with him and doesnt want to take on another "stepchild" if its not his kid, and I can't blame her there, honestly, and if I hadnt been through it myself, I probably wouldnt think I would feel that way. So I wonder if his relationship with Lee is a little more complex than just visiting at holidays...

"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"

dadpets's picture

thank u Crystal,BM is a child of an abusive upbringing,unfortunately i have only had her tell me this,and from past experience,i cant believe a word that comes out of her mouth.BM refused to let LEE come with us after we went through the legal process,had no probleem with that,when i mentioned this situation to her she went ballistic,i try to deal with her as little as possible now.i only want LEE to have a quality time growing up,to experience (in my opinion) a normal household,i will explain this,where the parents actually provide emotionally and financially to her well-being.