Is this a sign of things to come, or just different parenting styles?
My sil and her kids father are no longer together. She is a lazy parent, and he is a classic friend parent. So right off the bad my two neices don't have the best shot at being successful.
Sil voluntarily gave bd primary custody of the girls, and only wanted every other weekend visitation...AND she gets child support from him to take her girls those 4 days a month. She skips out on about half of her weekends to go partying. Bd called her on it once and sil literally paid bd's grandma 50 bucks to keep the kids on her weekend.
Bd let's them pretty much run wild.
But yesterday sil posted (well reposted, cause it was taken at bd's house) a picture of the younger neice. She is over 2.5, but not quite three years. She had a pacifier in her mouth and a bottle in her hand.
Isn't she way too old to be drinking out of a bottle? My son (who is only a few months older than her) stopped using a bottle at 14 months.
Isn't she too old to still walk around with a pacifier in her mouth? I never gave one to my son, so maybe its not as weird as I think it is.
My SD was overly babied and it has contributed to so many of the problems I am dealing with now. SD was still on the bottle at 4.5 when she came to live with us ! Is my sweet little neice on the same coddled path that ruined my SD? Or is this not as unusual as I think it is?
I see a LOT of people letting
I see a LOT of people letting their kids have bottles and pacifiers way beyond an appropriate time. Her little teeth will be rotting out of her head. My son stopped using a bottle at 12 months. He used a pacifier until 3 months and then refused to take it. The pacifier isn't as big a deal. Its a comfort thing and with the divorce and pretty much abandonment by her mother, I understand that, but the bottle is disturbing. THose poor kids have no chance. If the father was a "friend" before, he'll be overcompensating even more since the mother doesn't want them. They'll be out of control soon.
My DS had pacifiers until
My DS had pacifiers until 2.5. I regularly took him to a pediatric dentist and his teeth are fine. The dentist said its no big deal until 3 as long as I didnt let him go around with it all the time. He did say docs tend to tell people no later than 1, but in his opinion, as long as the dental hygiene is otherwise good, and he didn't see any sign of it hurting the teeth, he didn't think it was a big deal.
I think the problem is the kind of people who let their kids run around with pacifiers past 2 are generally not the kind to regularly brush teeth and take the kids to the dentist every six months.
Yes, neice barely barely
Yes, neice barely barely talks. It's quite striking when BSstb3 and niece 2.5 are together. My son speaks perfectly, in complete sentences, appropriate tense ect ect, and she will barely put two words together.
Ok, maybe its not that
Ok, maybe its not that unusual if most of you are saying that your kids used a pacifier at 2.5 years. I just find it crazy to see a kid my sons age with a pacifier constantly stuck in her mouth.
But I strongly dislike pacifiers anyways, so maybe I am just biased. I cringe internally even when I see infants being given pacifiers. But to each their own I guess. I know a lot of people wouldn't agree with some of the parenting choices I make.
But the bottle thing still seems too much at this point. Their older daughter was still getting an occasional bottle at 5 yrs old. It's way beyond the norm how these two over indulge their kids. They are so afraid of the kid being unhappy they let them do whatever they want.
I don't believe in kids
I don't believe in kids having "things" to rely on to soothe themselves (bottles, pacifiers, blankets, stuffed animals) once they are old enough to self-soothe. I breastfed both my daughters until they were 1. But I was working, so during the day they were fed using bottles. Both of them were off a bottle by age 1 and off the pacifier by age 2 (I gave both pacifiers because my sister sucked her thumb and you can't take the thumb away). And neither has any overwhelming emotional attachment to a blanket or stuffed animal. It can be done.
Draco, I had a really good reaction from both of my BDs by simply talking to them (on their 2nd birthdays) about how now that they were BIG kids, they didn't need a pacifier any more. About a month before that I had only let them have the pacifier at night, and then when they turned 2 I explained to them that big kids didn't use pacifiers and other babies needed the pacifiers. Both gave them up more or less willingly. I think I kept one just in case there was a meltdown and got all the rest of them out of the house. Out of sight, out of mind.
So your 2 year old isn't
So your 2 year old isn't allowed to have a teddy bear to soothe them when they're alone or afraid? Harsh.
Why is that harsh? My
Why is that harsh?
My children did not have that either, nor did they want it. They were safe, happy, self assured kids who didn't need a "crutch."
I don't get why that is a bad thing.
It's bad because your words
It's bad because your words APPEAR to be judgmental toward parents who provide comfort objects for their children, as if your way is somehow better and raises more self reliant children.
Many experts actually believe providing a transitional comfort object while children are small actually makes them MORE confident, rather than less.
What are you talking
What are you talking about??????
You were the one who said someone else was "harsh" in their parenting......weren't you the judgemental one? Good Lord.
What do you want me to say? I am sorry my kids were well adjusted individuals without needing a comfort object, and I guess your kids had their reasons for needing one?
How is that?
I guess I would say you've
I guess I would say you've definitely convinced me you're neither harsh nor judgmental.
Congratulations! You won the Internet.
LOL. That was funny.
LOL. That was funny.
Yes, dear. Whatever you say,
Yes, dear. Whatever you say, dear. Now go pet your fluffy blankie.
I don't think she means that
I don't think she means that she doesn't allow her kids to have blankets and stuffed animals.
My son has a ton of blankies and stuffed animals, but I didn't let him get overly attached or obsessed with any particular one. I didn't want him to develop a crutch where he NEEDED one particular item in order to self soothe. He is now very flexable and easy going.
Peanut, you are correct. My
Peanut, you are correct. My kids DO have blankets and stuffed animals. But they do not have that unnatural attachment to them that leaves parents scrambling frantically if a particular special one is lost while the unnaturally bonded child screeches in the background. DeeDee, please do not read into my words based on your own bias and then call me harsh. Thank you.
I completely agree with not
I completely agree with not wanting my kids to develop those attachments to physical items. Which is why I never used a pacifier. It's just not healthy to have instant and constant soothing like that. They become dependant on them because they never learn to deal with anything or to self soothe. It's the start of the constant entitlement and need to always he satisfied. No need to try or work through anything.
I breast fed bioson until he was 2.5 (ive know a lot of people don't agree with this but it was a conscious decision from the start) and he had absolutely no issues giving it up when I told him we were done. Because he has been learning to self soothe himself without it since the day he was born, as he couldn't walk around all day with my boob in his mouth.
I breastfed my kids, and they
I breastfed my kids, and they used bottles for a bit, too. Those ended at age 1. None of them ever had pacifiers.
However, I think if this kid has a bottle and pacifier...so what? My best friend's oldest kid LOVED the pacifier. She was soooo freaked out that he just wouldnt' give it up. It was kinda cute. I smiled and told her that it was highly improbable that he would leave for college with it, so not to worry so much.
He gave it up not long after. The world still spun.
Honestly, though, I can think of a million times I've thought someone should parent differently, and I'm sure other have thought that about me.