You are here

Sec. Clearance and evil adult stepkid

NobodyMom's picture

This is a tough and odd question I have and hoping someone may have some experience on this issue.  I have to update security questionaire for my job and now I am married with 3 adult stepkids and stepkids should be listed (I do not need to list their phone numbers but give their address if available).  Youngest SS I have a pretty good relationship with and still lives at home.  older SS just an OK relationship (military and often deployed and don't really speak with much anymore).  adult SD have no relationship with (if you see my past postings you will know why). Honestly she is dead to me.  I never ask about her, nor does DH bring her up especially after the last time when I was in her presence I felt threatened as she was trying to physically intimidate me by blocking my path when I was walking to my seat to see my youngest SS graduate high school. Any mention of her actually causes me to have heart palpitations and stresses me out to this day years later as she got many of her relatives to gang up on me with her lies (not good for my health at all).  I believe she would delight in trying to sabatoge anything that has to do with me since she hates that her father and I married (and she could not control his household with her brothers as she was out of the house when we married and only 2 SS lived at home at the time).   Have any of you been in a similiar situation and how did you handle?   It's easy enough to forget about her and not sure if it would matter to leave her off in these circumstances, but I am in a panic at the thought of adding her name to the form if even to say we are estranged and I have no information about her.   I want to be transparent but feel terrified she could cause problems for me.

Rags's picture

The FIS may schedule an interview with your SKids.  They interviewed me when my SS was getting his clearance.

Since you did not raise the adult SD, I'm not sure if you need to list her.  I would call the nearest FIS office and ask.  Or ask your attorney.

NobodyMom's picture

appreciate your response!


Thumper's picture

Agree with RAGS.

I'd skip calling a lawyer unless is was JAG.

What ever you do, never lie about anything. .


la_dulce_vida's picture

From the DCSA website:

"List required relatives to include children (foster/adopted or stepchildren), foster parent, mother, father, siblings, stepsiblings, half-siblings, stepparents, and your in-laws — whether they are living or deceased. Include applicable relatives you have never met or do not know."

I have experience with this. There is a comment block on your SF86 where you can add details. I have been estranged from my family of birth for nearly 30 years. I don't know their current addresses or contact information, so I say that in the comments section. My XH2 lied to investigators during my last renewal and I explained that our divorce was contentious in the comments section. I would advise you to list them, but explain that you don't know them, don't have a relationship with them and what little contact you've had with them has been contentious. That will let the investigator know that they are not reliable sources.

My XH2 lied about something serious, but my other references and long term associates including XH1 told the investigator (when the investigator RE-interviewed them) that what my XH2 said was utter BS. I really appreciated my first husband defending me.


NobodyMom's picture

I don't want to come off as defensive from the start and your wording seems a great way to lay the groundwork should Evil SD start with her BS.   I want to lay the groundwork she is not credible with her negaive (lying) bias.


la_dulce_vida's picture

Don't label her as a liar. Just say that she has been hostile towards you since marrying her father, and that you have no relationship and she doesn't know you at all.

ESMOD's picture

I think that the people doing these reviews are fairly used to dealing with situations of family estrangement.

I also agree that it's best conveyed in a way that is not "accusing" the other person of some failing.. but a statement along the lines of.

X is my husband's oldest daughter.  I did not meet him until after she was an adult and we do not have a close relationship and I would consider it an estrangement as any interractions we have had have been strained.  I have not seen or heard from her in X years.

NobodyMom's picture

about her hostility towards me should lay enough groundwork that they will hopefully take any of her lies with a grain of salt.   thank you!  In otherwords if they know up front she has been hostile towards me and that we have no relationship, that they will be less likely believe any lies she spews forth.

Rags's picture

The biggest area of questioning from the FIS when they interviewed me regarding my parents and a trip DW, SS and I took to visit the in the Middle East when SS was 6yo.

I agree with la_dulce_vida. Be direct, explain the situation, giving them TMI regarding the toxic StepSpawn is likely better than TLI.  That pre-loads the FIS agent with information if they speak to the SD.

advice.only2's picture

I have to do this for my job, but it’s “to the best of your knowledge.”  So if YOU don’t currently know SD’s address then leave it as N/A.  I have my ex husband and DH’s Spawn that I have to list and I don’t know either of their addresses. 

Harry's picture

Address and phone number unknown.  This gives them the hint you have no contact with these people,  They can do with that what they want.  Bet you are not the first person doing that