Resent my soon to be step daughter b/c of bad relationship with dad
Forums:
Hi,
I need some advice. My fiance has an 8 year old daughter. She is not a bad child but I had a really bad relationship with my dad growing up and subconsciously I take it out on her. I try not to but I can't help it. Sometimes are better and sometimes are worse. I have been in therapy on and off for years about issues with my family upbringing but I don't know how to fix this b/c it happens subconsciously.I resent her so much. Me and my fiance have been together almost 4 years and I thought this issue had gotten a lot better but now its seems to be worse. Is it horrible that I would rather her not be in our lives?
I think it's great that you
I think it's great that you recognize a) where your feelings are coming from, b) that you're in therapy to deal with them, and c) that you know that your soon-to-be-stepdaughter isn't to blame.
If you feel comfortable, would you consider getting your dad involved in your therapy and trying to develop a workable relationship with him?
If that's not an option, perhaps you'd consider writing him a letter that you won't send. Sometimes, those letters can take huge weights off of our shoulders.
Can you give us an example of how you subconsciously take it out on SD? If we have an example, then we can try to think of ways to help you not take it out on her.
Crystal, you have a great
Crystal, you have a great idea!
Forming my own relationships with SDs helped me to see beyond their exteriors of being rude and mean. Once I got to know them, I saw kids who were really suffering because of PAS. It also helped us to live together peacefully, and feel like we didn't have to fight over DH.
I also agree with you about the exclusion. Perhaps you can meet DH in the middle here and implement a schedule where SD gets some one-on-one quality time with DH, you all do something together, and you and DH can have a weekly date night. That way, everyone's needs are met.