I know my topic is bold, but 7 years of blood, sweat and tears have brought me to it. I am the stepmom of my boyfriends two kids. His son (10) is my boy... couldn't ask for a better kid! His daughter, however, is the complete opposite. You name the problem and we have delt with it! I have been help raising her since she was 7. Over the first 5 of those years, she lived with us full time and her BM had very little interaction (every other weekend). I was her primary caregiver. If the school, teacher, camp, aftercare called - I responded. I loved her dearly and claimed her as my own. She was never anything short of difficult, but I always had hope. I knew I rocked her world because when I came into the picture her world was completely changed. She wasn't allowed to take any movie she wanted into her room and watch it anymore, couldn't eat whatever, whenever she wanted anymore and her beloved grandma was pretty much cut off. I know this seems harsh, but here is the background. Dad and BM never married and split when she was 2 1/2. He remarried by the time she was 3 and by the time she was 4 her baby brother was born. She is a very smart girl and picks up on everything. She was awful to her then step mom and she eventually split them up. I'm not saying they would have been married forever, but if I'm honest with myself, it more than likely would have lasted a lot longer. She loved her grandmother because grandma would let her rule. She was with her grandma more than her mom. Her moms weekends would be split with her grandma taking her Friday night and not dropping her off to her mom until Saturday night or sometimes not until Sunday. Grandma taught her it was okay to talk nasty to her mom, watch adult content movies (not porn, but not kid appropriate), and over eat. So by the time she was 7 when I came into the picture SD had learned that she ruled over all adults, she could do whatever she wanted, she was considered obese, she had the power to break up a marriage and no rules or consequences applied to her. Then I come into the picture, cut out all bad foods and portion control all meals, take away all inappropriate movies and only make kid friendly movies available, and lastly limited grandma drastically!! I understood this turned her world upside down and knew I would catch heat from it. What I had not expected was to get little to no support. Her dad didn't say much and allowed me to do all this... At first I thought it was because he knew it was best for her. I think he does know that , but he did not want any part in doing it himself. It was easier to let me be the big bad wolf. Seeing this caused even more rebellion and resentment from his daughter. She was over developed in her mind for a child of her age, so I brought this up. Not well received. I got her into a good school, around good kids, etc. hoping this would make a difference. My mind set was, if we show her how to live like good people and put her around good people then she would come around. No such luck. She always managed to find the bad crowd. Her BM didn't make things any easier. She would and still does bad mouth me... so, in reality, I guess I've never stood a chance. Anyway... I poured my heart and soul into this kid for 5 years. Finally, I exploded and told my boyfriend we had to go to counseling. We started off with just the three of us and then added her BM and Step dad (who she calls Dad). The end result was that she is manipulative, she was intentionally trying to break us up and the she had oppositional defiant disorder. She moved in with her mom towards the end of our counseling. Counseling ended soon after because no one was listening to his advice. Since moving in with her BM, she was gotten Much, Much, Much worse!!!!! She is disrespectful, continues to trie to manipulate her dad and make him feel guilty, doesn't listen, throws in our face all the stuff she does at her moms knowing we don't approve... She has had 3 close encounters with the cops in one year, is promiscuous, all the works!!!! In the end, I'm always the bitch. I need to back off, I need to shut my eyes and except it. HOW??? How, do I ignore this behavior is my question. Yes, I know he is torn and that there are times he will not get her in order to make it more pleasant. I talk to him and tell him what I see, but he always turns it around on me. Never making her except her role. She has never faced a real consequence for any of her actions. She doesn't clean herself and knows it bothers me, so she uses it against me... It causes fights between her father and I. It's so bad that in the last almost two years, I go around and wipe down anything she touches with a disinfectant wipe.... And last year, I said no more sitting on the couch when I found her 13 year girl issues in the pants she sat in all morning and the big spot on her bed that she covered up and wanted a friend to sleep over in. Drastic... maybe, but do you knowingly want to sit in someone else's piss and blood? To top it off, it's not like this is a recent issue. I had already taken her to the doctor and had the doctor talk to her about not cleaning herself properly about 3 years before. So, cleaning properly has been a constant issue that I finely came fed up with. She has also prevented our relationship from furthering... Yes, her dad is very much to blame for this as well. His inconsistency of dealing with her makes me doubt and resent him at times. My relationship with her has also meant no baby of my own... I'm so tired of being punished because of her!!! I would very much like to get married, have a baby and have a happy family life that I see so many others have. It has gotten to the point that every time I see her or here her name I feel nothing but resentment.

I found this site while searching for ways to help me cope. I'm hoping that reaching out to others that may know what I'm going through might help me deal better. Dealing with her has changed the person I am for the worse. I can no longer look at things the way I used to. I know see things and hear things through her eyes (sex, drugs, negativity, etc). I feel too much bitterness, hatred and resentment. I love my boyfriend and his son dearly. We have a great relationship and family life until you add his daughter into the mix. I want this all the time and I want to add our family... I'm once again at a breaking point. I'm tired of feeling punished.