reading katrinkie's blog, i could have written most of it myself.

MY father was in my life (still is), unlike katrinkie's. however, he was not affectionate at all, and was a workaholic. i grew up resenting my cousin who was 'daddy's little girl'. as i got older, i saw that my dad did care, and now have a great relationship with him. but, it must have still been insode of me way deep, because my resentment went to exsd.

exbf showered her with attention, love, and gifts. my dad didnt.
exbf called exsd princess, lovebug, boo, sweetheart, ect. my dad didnt.
exbf made exsd feel like she was his number 1. my dad didnt.

i was looking for all of that in exbf, to compensate what my dad didnt give me. and when i saw it wasnt happening, i began to resent exsd's existance. i didnt show it until much later in the relationship, and used what she did to me as the cover-up (although it was all that too).

my realization that part of my hatred for exsd was jealousy, and it came too late to try to fix it. karinkie, you have time hun! good for you for going to therapy! keep going, it works if you work it!

had i sought out therapy or even admitted, out loud, about my problem, things may not have gotten so bad. but i didnt and they did. lesson learned.

its amazing what i find out about myself over time. leaving him was a blessing in disguise, as i was finally able to work through my demons and find myself again.