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question for happy step kids

hawaiigirl's picture

Hi, i just have a question for any step kids out there that are adults reading these posts. Are any of you really happy with your step mom? Have you been around them since young children, have you seen them help you grow into adults, and do you hold them at the top of the todem pole along with your mom and dad? I just wonder sometimes if all the efforts I put into my sd will ever pay off down the road, if she will ever bond with me like i would like to happen. And what is the liklihood of that happening these days? I dont want it to feel like wasted energy.

marissamae88's picture

I dont know if this will help but I will explain my step childhood lol. My mother and father were married I think a grand total of six weeks. Just enough time to conceive me. My mom then remarried and remarried and remarried. I was fine for step dads. My first one was someone who had alot of emotional problems but I felt as though he really loved me. My mom had my sister and brother with this man. Even after they were divorced he still sent me a birthday card and whenever he sent a care package for my siblings he always included me in it. My other step dads were not as great experiences, so we will leave that alone. My stem moms on the other hand whew different. My first step mom has known me since I was three. She is very nice and I really like her. She didnt like me though. I remember her fighting with my dad about why she had to watch me I am not her kid blah blah and then my dad found out she was cheating. They also had my other sister. My dads next wife I hated her from the moment I met her. I thought she was two faced and very fake. She would tell my grandparents I disrespected her authority and how I was horrible child. I swear I did not do anything to this woman. I would go see my father once a year in the summer. I did this at age 6,8,10,12. I met this evil woman when I was 12 I had been abused my 3rd step dad and was not comfortable with these people. I was very homesick. So I dont know if she took my silence as disrespectful but I always answered her when she spoke to me I just wasnt the funnest person to be around at that age. The one step dad that I felt truly had love for me I also share that love for him right back. He past in Jan of 09. I have a tattoo to remember him. I think your love will translate as long as you keep trying.

Roseybird's picture

I think this is an excellent topic. Here's my 2 cents: My parents were never married (my dad's not the marrying type). However, my mom got married to someone when I was 12 or 13. I didn't like him at all. Probably because he was just a person that thought he could come in our lives and discipline teenage children (my brother was like 16 when he moved in). We were pretty much set our ways as my mother raised us pretty much by herself. Now, I saw so much stuff that went on between my mom and her husband that was crazy. He would cheat on her, they would fight, etc. My brother and I didn't like him, but we knew that it wouldn't last. And the summer I went to college, my mother filed for divorce.

Now, my father on the other hand, 'dated' this lady (who I consider my stepmom) for about 18 years. Like I said previously, my dad isn't the marrying type. She and I got along fine. She never had to displine me - heck, my dad never had to discipline me. I have never gotten a spanking from my dad. It's like I always tried to make sure I pleased him. And with that being said, we have a great relationship. That 'stepmother' finally left my dad and I haven't talked to her in years. She was a nice woman to me, but I just don't talk with her anymore.

Like most women on here, I do hope that all that energy that I am putting into my SD15 will pay off. Not to bring race into this, but it's hard for a black girl in America now. Statistics, such as AIDs/HIV, pregnancy rates are sky rocketed in our community. I am trying to make a difference in her life. Trying to be a person that has class and shows her that black women do rock, but it's HARD!! I mean, I just obtained my MBA and I would love to see SD15 go even higher than that. However, it's hard when you are competing with her BM (no job, collects welfare/food stamps, sits at home with nothing to do) while I BUST my ASS working trying to help DH provide a better life for his daughter. Unfortunately, she sees exactly what her mother is and in my opinion, would probably want to follow that lead better than mines. But what am I to do? However, I would hope that she straightens up and fly right soon. 18 isn't that far away.