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BM is the Devil...i know it...

hawaiigirl's picture

Ok, let me vent please! First of all we havent seen SO's BD since June (she is 2.5) All because BM asked for more $ and didnt get it. (he pays cs,and does his part, and was active in her life) but since she didnt get the money for daycare (she is on assistance and the state shut down- she told us she had to pay upfront, we found out the center did not make her do this) after the shut down ended, she then attempted to get $ for so called medical bills. She said 1300. She didnt get it. Said if she didnt he wouldnt see his kid, and he still hasnt. I have a friend that works at the clinic she claims she went- and told me there is a 0 balance on this account, never has had one. And funny, we never seen a bill. So, i guess she is mad that he stopped asking to see he as often as he was and being denied, cuz she knew it was pissing him off- so now, the is running her mouth spreading rumors that he got someone else pregnant. She txtd him last weekend and said she heard he got someone preg and that she had a right to know if it was true. (mind u, she did this same rumor shortly after her kid was born, because they had child support issues) He told her no, this is not true, and none of her business, and not to call or text unless it is regarding seeing or talking to his kid. She then txtd me with the same bullshit. The worst part of this all is I am 6 weeks pregnant. She didnt know, he didnt even know at the time of the rumor text. I told him after it all. But I know she is the devil, because how coincedental. She is just looking for him to be miserable anyway possible,and this would be it becuase she hoped by telling me it would cause a huge problem with him and I. She told me she heard it 'from someone who told someone who told someone who told someone" no names, and then she said, well he denied it, so i dropped it. He then told her to quit texting me with that bs. And she had the nerve to say I textd her!! Ughh. I just want her gone, i swear. I dont need this stress right now. Here is some history of her and I. I was 4 months pregnant with my son, when i found out she was pregnant with his kid. Yes, he was a douche bag at that time- and we have worked thru it all. I even accepted this kid, and loved her like my own. Her plan didnt work out from the start of her "happy family" so she will forever be our thorn. She wont quit until she feels she has accomplished her goal of ruining us. Anyway, I just had to vent. Now we have to face court fee's just so that he can see his kid. He has a court order for visitation currently but it just reads "open and liberal time according to his work schedule" he travels for work sometimes, so they couldnt determine exact dates and times, which leaves her in control of saying nope, u cant see her I guess. Unfortunate for the lil girl, and my kids who keep asking to see her. I wonder what the next rumor will be. I just hope to get thru this pregnancy without her ruining my joy again, like she took from me last time. Its her purpose in life. But only if i allow it, right?!

Delilah's picture

Why has BM even got your number? Seriously block her or change your number.

I appreciate that you may want to know whats going, if BM is causing problems and esp since you are taking her to court for access but sometimes when a BM is SO intent on causing problems, lying and being nasty just because she can you can become caught up in the stress of it all. I know this because I did, it got so bad I needed to know everything she was saying to DH, about me, about everything. All that did was fan the flames of stress and hate inside me and got me wound up.

I got sick of hearing about it all, sick of her spoiling happy times, sick of feeling consumed by her and her drama so I told DH that she wasnt permitted to call our home, know our number (I changed it), come to our door, I asked him to buy a seperate phone that only she had the number to in order to *manage* her stalkerish, harassing hatred (unfortunately DH refused but I know this has worked for other people, in terms of being able to control as much as possible the vileness). I also told DH I didnt want to know what she had said, unless it directly impacted me - so in your case if it has anything to do with the court case, as you didnt need to know about the stupid rumours.

Lock this woman out as much as possible. Dont have her on facebook, block her. Let her make loony requests for money - just get OH to keep them as evidence of her lies and ignore her. So e.g. she claims sd has medical bills - OH can state "I would first like to see a copy of the itemised bill" (and that is all), when she texts her poison and chucks a fit - ignore her. She asks OH if x person is pregnant by him - ignore her. She continues - ignore her and report her to the police for harassment.

Seriously, treat her like a *job*. Neutrally and efficiently. Dont engage in her drama, it will probably escalate because she wants the dirt and no one is fuelling her drama by ignoring her so she will tantrum.

The one thing I learnt a LONG time ago to deal with a psycho BM was to change me, the way I reacted and managed her in my life. You havent got to see this woman and you dont have to speak to her, so cut her off. OH only has to deal with her when it comes to the case, money and his child's welfare - anything else ignore and minimise as much as you can any form of communication.

Optimistic Soon to Be Step Mom's picture

Ignore this BM at all costs. Sounds like she is a large child herself. Get a father's rights lawyer if you can afford one and have him get some court ordered visitation. If can't afford lawyer, do the petitions yourself, Dad should be entitled to visitation without her deciding when, where all the time etc. Too often women manupilate BFs and use the kids to get what they want. Let the court handle it.

CORRECTION: Have the visitation adjusted to specific dates and times. Sounds like the prior order is not working, she will just keep taking advantage.

hawaiigirl's picture

His current court order just states "open and liberal parenting time according and as his work schedule allows" so there is no specific set times and dates, so the cops wont go to her door for us, we contacted them already. They need specific times and dates. So, we are S.O.L on that route, so we have to go back and get this order modified. Hoping it doesnt break us. We need to start saving now for my time off after baby. Thanks everyone for your support and advise. She makes me crazy. Ughhh 15 yrs to go...ughh

hawaiigirl's picture

Delilah- THANK YOU!!! I really need to print off your reply and keep re-reading to myself. I am going to promise myself to now alow this person in my life anymore. Like u said, there is no need. And i wont allow her that power. What you said is all sooooo true. I appreciate your response. FormerAAgirl- Yep, u are right too, i was just checking out the state court forms website and we prolly could do this alone. She wont have an attorney, if she did she would ask the court to make him pay court fee's im sure too. But i will print these forms off and see if he would just wanna go pro se' as its worded. I think there might be some fathers rights groups in the area he cld check into too. I dont even wanna worry about that crap either right now. Im to early in this pregnancy for that level of stress. print it for him and let him run with it, or not. on him. Right!