private schools questions, how much do steps have to particiapte???
so here's the latest:
we are applying my BF's daughter (fsd) to schools out by us b/c she is "supposedly" moving here IF she gets accepted into a good school. (i say supposedly cuz i am skeptical as to whether it will really happen and if BM will actually fork over the money for tution.) (FYI: BM and FSD live 2,000 miles away right now). Public schools are not really an option cuz my BF doesn't think that city schools are good enough. (and they probably suck, i don't know). so in this whole school application process the schools (which are all private independant schools)require that ALL adults living in the home submit their financial info and tax info, participate in school functions and work 30 hours per year at the schools, go to a "meet and greet" at families' houses of students who already go to the school and much more!
every time my BF asks me for something else in regards to the applications to the schools i get irritated b/c i just started a new job last spring and am really trying NOT to miss as little work as possible. then he gets mad like i don't want to have kids or that i don't like his daughter and don't want to assume any responsibility for her (which i take on alot as it is , i think). which isnt true. i just feel like he all of a sudden expects me to drop everything for these schools. (which we don't even know if she will actually get into any of the schools). Also, i have explained to him that i am trying to prove myself at this job, so i have some leeway at work when she actually DOES live with us and/or we have kids.
then he asks, "what would you do if WE had a kid togheter? you would be going on these school tours and so forth". which is true, but i DON'T have a child yet! and i don't even have a step daughter yet cuz we aren't even engaged!!! i feel like he wants me to be an instant wife and mother without even being engaged, or time to ease into the HUGE change we about to embark on.
and YES, i have tried to tell him this stuff.
is it wrong that i don't feel obligated to miss time at work for these freakin schools tours?
and have any of you dealt with private schools that require girlfriends' adn boyfriends' finanacial info and participation just cuz they live in the same house???
i feel like my BF is going to get scrwed on possible financial aid b/c he included my income, b/c he says " i didnt want to lie" hahahah what?
imaSmom: definitely will
imaSmom:
definitely will keep you updated! although i complain, thsi whoel experience has been good researcha dn knowledge for when and IF i ever have my own kids. we are supposed to get acceptance letters and financial aid award info in mid march.
I have been involved in SS's
I have been involved in SS's school from the beginning. My wife and I try to go to these things together but if one of us has a work obligation the other one takes the kid school thing.
When SS went to boarding school we were both involved with the process and with paying for it. We did not have to provide financial information to the school. We flew out so he could be interviewed and take an academic aptitude test. He blew the doors off of the test, passed the interview and the school accepted him. All they really wanted from my wife and I was a check and our active involvement in our son's school experience.
We both attended all of the family weekend functions at the boarding school. Since he was in school out of state we flew in for family and parents weekends. It was a good time. I also acted as a PA area recruiter and alumni association contact and would go meet with families who were considering the school for their own children. I did not go to the same school that my SS did but I did attend a Military Boarding school and am very well versed in the military boarding school experience.
The school that my dad, younger brother and I attended closed in 2002. My son's school let me join their alumni association since I no longer had a school to support.
None of the schools I attended or that my SS attended required specific levels of participation by parents. Any school that would require a parent to jeopardize a parent's employment requiring participation in school activities is highly suspect IMHO.
That said, we always received a lot of kudos from
ours sons schools, teachers and administrators for our participation in his education experience.
You guys aren't even
You guys aren't even married??? I think that he is WAY overstepping his boundaries, and you are letting him.
Until you get married, do not take on any "parental responsibilities" on a regular basis. It's one thing to help out here and there when specifically asked and THANKED, but this is just too much.
"then he gets mad like i don't want to have kids or that i don't like his daughter and don't want to assume any responsibility for her"
You are not RESPONSIBLE for his daughter, why shouldn't you assume that??
I'm sorry, but I think that you are headed into a really bad situation here. Find someone to help you establish healthy boundaries based on the status of your relationship. If BF balks at you doing so, he is not the one you want to marry, it will NOT get any better than this.
My BD6 is in private school
My BD6 is in private school and my BF's 5skids are in private schools.
Apparently if we move in together, they take the entire households income in consideration for tuition. In our case the more kids in the private school the less it cost per kid.
Honestly, if you are not
Honestly, if you are not married, especially not even engaged, I would not get involved in providing ANY financial information to him or the school. I would not care if the paperwork said 'All adults living in house'. Screw that.
If he wants a partner to share this stuff with, there should be a MARRIAGE. Otherwise, I'd tell him he's on his own.
BS and SS go to a private school. BS has been there since Kindergarten. Tuition costs were included in the child support calculation and EH agreed. However, since then, EH has been barely paying any CS for the last year or so so I've been footing most of the bill. It's my choice.
DH and I were married during the summer before SS went into 5th grade. I'm the one that insisted that SS go to the same school as BS as I knew I'd be the one dealing with getting kids to school and what not and I didn't want to deal with two different schools and two different schedules. DH reluctantly agreed due to the cost but since, he was no longer having to pay for a separate rent, utilities, etc living on his own, he could afford it. Initially, he didn't see the benefit of a private school over a public school so he didn't like forking out all that money for it.
thanks for all the input
thanks for all the input guys! yes, i know i am stepping (actually already in!) a messy situation. of course it didnt' start out like this, at first we were just excited to live together and so forth. I feel responsible some what for the amount of time and responsibility my BF expects of me with his daughter. This is b/c in the first year of our relationship i had lost my job and was home all the time, so instead of pay for summer camp, i watched his daughter while he was at work.
(and i think i was so eager to help out cuz he was paying all the rent) i didn't mind watching his kid, we had fun. but now that i am working full time, i think he forgets that for me, my job comes first. of course i would go pick her up from school or camp if he absoutely couldn't, but i think he (never being a step parent) does not realize the hesitation i have. of coruse i want to have kdis of my own, but i need to get to that palce in my career first, to allow me the freedom to do so.
so we are in couple's counseling now, (my idea b4 things go any further). we'll what the shrink says tonight! HA