Pick Up/Drop Off Times
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Just checking to see what the norm is for people on this one.
DH and BM don't have very specific times listed in their CO. BM's schedule changes at least five to eight times a year--don't get me started on that one. Now that it is summer time, we are lax on bedtime, so picking the kids up at 9 isn't that big of a deal. However, once school starts again, we will be going back to our regimen, and that means that the kids are in bed by 9, at the latest (They are pre-teens). BM doesn't see anything wrong with a 9:45-10pm pick up on a school night. Personally, I think this is too late, and will create problems; but, I'm just the stepmom, so what do I know?
Your thoughts?
This is my thought process.
This is my thought process. We send the kids to bed so we can have time together. I go to bed at 10, and she has a habit of running behind. I don't want this for many reasons, but I don't know how to express the encroachment on my time/space.
Our exchange for SD is Monday
Our exchange for SD is Monday 9am on school breaks/holidays, or after school Monday (directly from school) during the school year. Makes it so there is very little interaction most of the year and no weird evening drop-off/pick-up.
For BD, I meet her dad halfway early AM Mondays year round...during school breaks and holidays our schedule varies, but we meet halfway for drop-off/pick-up. During the school year, he comes out to take her to dinner once during the week, and then I take her to his house after school on Friday. The driving is pretty much split 50/50.
Wow 10pm on a school night!
Wow 10pm on a school night! I don't even stay up until 10 during the school year LOL. We do pick up and drop off at 4pm on Sundays. That way everyone has time to get home, have dinner, and wind down for the next day whether it's during the summmer or school year. We do not change times to accommadate BM EVER. She knows the schedule and she can make her plans around that time.
This is the biggest problem
This is the biggest problem we have. Due to bm's revolving schedule, everything changes constantly. For the past year, we have had the kids 85% of the time and bm didn't care about us doing all the extra work, spending the extra time, energy and money; that is until she told dh he'd better not file for cs, & then followed it up with another "work" schedule change, so she had the kids almost 30% of the time.
I'm not sure what is going to happen. She hates me (everyone knows it, even the kids) and I know she's angry because dh and I have each other and she's alone (she was with someone who saw her crazy too early). I think she would hate anyone who dh was with.
Why does BM's schedule change
Why does BM's schedule change so much? Is it her work?
And of course she hates you, you live her life with her ex and her kids and play a bigger role in their lives than she does. They always hate us! I am a bio mom too and I hated most of my Ex-H girlfriends until I realized that if I tried to be nice to her and co-parent with her as well, not only would I be happier and less stressed out, but I would know that my kid was in good hands. It worked out well until he got bored and everything was going too well. Now he's back to bar hopping and whores. oh well!
It is work related.
It is work related. Sometimes, I think she asks for her work schedule to change, but of course, there's no way to prove it-I think it's based on what she determines she wants for the kids, not considering their schedule or our schedule. She doesn't look at the big picture and hasn't (according to DH) since he's known her.
I've tried to be nice. I do as much as possible for the kids; so does DH. She does what she wants, and doesn't always take the kids into consideration. It's frustrating, but I'm hoping the kids will see it when they grow up, but I guess it's wishful thinking.
That may not be too late for
That may not be too late for a bedtime, but it seems too late for a pickup. Kids still have to get home, settled, and into bed ..
I don't understand why the schedule NEEDS to change so much. I get being flexible when things pop up, but this seems consistently inconsistent.
I don't understand why it
I don't understand why it NEEDS to change as often as it does. DH and I tend to argue about this. I'm tired of working so hard to "make things easier" when it is more frustrating for everyone else. The kids have expressed to us that it's frustrating to not know where the are going when; but they won't vocalize that to BM, because they know it's going to set her off and her rampage will be directed at them. Sad, but true.
Diligent adherence to a
Diligent adherence to a schedule is one hallmark and lynch pin of blended family success. This is much harder in an EOWE/EOW, etc, situation that it was for us with a long distance visitation schedule.
Still we had issues with the Sperm Clan and getting them to return the Skid home after visitation in a timely manner. The only solution for us in this situation was to keep a rolled up copy of the CO handy so we could beat them around the head and shoulders with it when they got stupid about returning the Skid on time. (Figuratively of course)
We had to bare some toxic Sperm Clan ass by having my DW's HS BFF's father's officers (He was chief of police in their small town then sheriff) pick the Skid up on time. Having my FIL and an officer walk in to the Sperm Clan's fringe cult church to get the kid when they conveniently did not put him on the plane, or crash a family reunion to get the kid when yet again "his flight got canceled and we can't get him out for 3 days", or picking the kid up when he gets out of Sperm Grandma's car in her driveway in front of all of her gossipy neighbors, etc, etc, etc... It worked for us with the added bonus of really barring their asses and pissing them off to a point of public melt down.
Getting this clarified in your CO will be the best tool you have for enforcing a schedule regarding pick up and drop off times.
IMHO of course.
Good luck.