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OT - Extreme Age Differences

paul_in_utah's picture

Hey folks,

Not really a step-issue, but I wanted to throw this one out for comment.

I recently learned that a male acquaintance of my father married a 21-year-old woman when he was 57. He's successful, and I have certainly heard about gold-diggers, but does this seem like an extreme example, in the board's opinion? Just curious, as I know that we have some folks who are younger than their spouses on here.

Anon2009's picture

This one doesn't seem too extreme. Heather Mills was extreme, as was Anna Nicole Smith. She sounds like a usual, naive little girl. Does this man have adult kids?

Anon2009's picture

I think it is gross, but I'm even more grossed out by the age difference between Anna Nicole and that Marshall guy. THAT creeped me out.

This seems like another case of a naive little girl thinking she's got it made now. If this guy has kids her age, she doesn't know what she's in for.

SanAntonioSoccerMom's picture

Personally I find that disgusting. A 57 year old man has no business with a 21 year old and vice versa.

RedWingsFan's picture

No kidding right? I just can't even imagine! When I was 21, anyone over 35 was "too old" LOL

RedWingsFan's picture

That's how I see it! Shit, I couldn't imagine dating/marrying someone THAT much older than me. Would feel like you were sleeping with your grandpa or something! Hell, I'm 40 and wouldn't consider dating someone 57!

Shook's picture

LOL. Yes & it's the usual custom, upon introduction, that his entire family question if her career involves a pole & does she know how to "make it rain".

RedWingsFan's picture


not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

This one actually saddens me. I worry all the time about DH passing--I'll be 78 when he's 90, and I love him so much that the thought of him going so much earlier than me upsets me. I've changed diapers for my grandmother so that's not a big deal to me.

I talk to him about it, and he always tells me I'll have our kids and grandkids...but I don't know. How could I stay with someone 50+ years and one day he just disappears? How do I wake up in the morning knowing he's not going to be there? How do I go to sleep at night not holding his hand? I think I'd probably die of heartbreak but who knows.

I also worry about him getting Alzheimers and then he won't recognize me anymore--but you know, I'm going to do what that one lady did--see if I can make him fall in love with me by the end of the day.

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

It is. My calligraphy teacher (married to my language teacher) has it. We had them over for New Years and he ended up in the bathroom for 30 minutes talking to himself in the mirror. When he came out, he said to my mom, "I just met an old friend at your house! What a coincidence!"

He knew he recognized this person but did not know it was himself. My language teacher then told us she has all the mirrors in their house covered up since he would just talk to them for hours... she's scared of the day when he looks into the mirror and has no idea who it is and freaks out because he thinks it's a stranger in the bathroom.

If she doesn't lock the gate correctly, he'll sometimes slip out and get lost. He was gone for 3 days last time and ended up 20 something miles away looking for home. When the police found him and tried to get him back (he doesn't speak english), he freaked out and they had to tackle him.

I don't know how she lives with him. He's almost set the house on fire trying to warm his socks on a lightbulb.

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

Hm. My DH is 12 years older than me, we met when I was 20 (he was 32), started dating a few days after I hit 21, a year and a half later we married. A year later (now) we're pregnant, and our marriage seems to have no sign of slowing down or stopping.

DH's older brother of 4 years met his wife, who is also12 years younger than him, when she was 19 (so he was 31). Got married when she was 21. They've been married for 5 years and are starting to try for a baby this year.

What can we say? Both brothers are exceptionally handsome and still get carded regularly. They are also quite young at heart (BIL's wife and I are of the opinion little boys never do grow up) so even though we enjoy long walks, reading books together, watching documentaries (ugh, we sound so old), we still can do more rugged things--martial arts for me, airplane flying (BIL's a commercial pilot) for them..

We do enjoy being pampered and cherished and babied by them (and they are quite a bit more, ahem, experienced, in bed), they do give in easier when we're upset--must be the paternal instinct in them... but we're also both very successful and financially independent, so gold diggers we are not. In fact, both of our financial sense and savings are way higher than those two.

paul_in_utah's picture

As a bit of further info, the 24 year-old girl just had her first "anchor" baby with the guy. She is several years younger than the youngest kids from his first marriage.

I guess that I hadn't thought about it - what in the hell could they possibly talk about? I am considerably younger than that guy, and I don't think I have ANYTHING in common with the 24-year-olds of the world. Also, she'll only be in her 40's when he's in his 80's. It's not out of the realm of possibility that she will be in her 30's or 40's when he dies of natural causes.....

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

Err aside from the fact that she's younger than some of his kids (a friend of mine is the same age as his dad's wife, they got into a fight and uhh, my friend actually threw her down the stairs--just toxic all around since this friend is a little nuts. Her dad and his wife just recently had a baby too), you'd be surprised that if a young woman is well read and learned, she can talk about just anything.

Our first date (me being 21, him being 33) was to go see the Dalai Lama at Radio City Music Hall. I know a crapload of stuff he's interested in (finances, zen buddhism even though he's Catholic, psychology, in depth knowledge of Asian culture.)

Why is it so hard to believe a youngster could have the same intellect/knowledge/interest in the things someone considerably older does as well? Haha, like this site, I'm 24 yet can relate to people who are both older and younger here.


Sunflower1's picture

Totally get what your saying! One of my dearest friends just turned seventy today. We have tons to discuss and have since I met him 16 years ago.

Sunflower1's picture

I've dated older men. I really don't see the issue. If they both care about each other and are both adults, who I'm I to say what trips their trigger. In my mid to late twenties, men that where fourty or older had their shit together far more than the men my age. I have always been financially independent also, so I never worried about being seen as a gold digger.

Shook's picture

ROFL, you guys beat me to it. LOL.
I cringe when I see her. It's like a White Snake video meets Lolita. Very very disturbing.

realitycheckmom's picture

I thought her husband was a creeper. I seriously thought he had child molestation problems in his past. (accusations or whatever)

Shook's picture

Maybe there's something men find enticing in Duck Lips?
Or maybe it's just that the ugly duck lips come along with that smoking hot body she parades in clothes she buys from Baby Gap?

Shook's picture

You all know that Priscilla Presley met & fell in love with Elvis when she was 14 right? She was a step child too.

Jellybeam's picture

IDK, when I was 20 I married a guy that was 26, and that would have been as old as I would go then. I wasn't attracted to men who are in their 50's until I got into my 40's.
I don't think it's gross, I guess because it's not me, but I'd bet money that girl has been molested as a child. Just my opinion.

Anon2009's picture

She may not be a gold digger. But if these guys weren't loaded, these younger women wouldn't give them the time of day.

What she may well be is very naive. She may think his kids will love or like her. And maybe they do. But having seen how these situations play out, I'm betting they don't.

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

But, how do you know that they wouldn't even if the person was decrepit? How many people of the same AGE would go for another person who was, in fact, destitute? Very few anyway. Everyone takes finances into account when it comes to the stability of their future lives with the person--do we call them "gold diggers"? No, we call them sensible.

I was talking to someone who's husband was 24 years older than her--she's in her 20's. He originally wanted to set her up with his son, but then they fell for each other. The way she speaks of him is so loving and kind, and her eyes shine with passion. She doesn't talk of how much money he has, only how he treats her well, is sweet to her, makes her feel special. There is love in her eyes when she speaks of him, despite the age difference.

Why must someone who is so much younger always be seen as wanting something material?

Besides, you can be called a gold digger even if you are older--BM accused DH of only being with me for my money, and hey, he's over a decade older.

EvilWickedSM's picture

My grandfather is 35+- years older than his wife. I can't remember the exact, but he is in his late 70's currently and she is only in her early to mid 40's. They started dating when she was 19. It's funny because none of us ever really thought twice about it. I, putting myself in that position, would never want to date a guy THAT much older than me, especially at 19. However, looking back, his wife was more of an "old soul" and was certainly more mature and level headed than your standard 19 year old. We all get a kick out of calling her "grandma" because she is younger than 5 out of 6 of her Come to think of it, she must only be between 5-7 years older than me, his oldest grandchild.

Drac0's picture

There's a 10-year difference between DW and I (she is younger than me). At the time that we met we were actually "not looking". Both of us actually resolved to spend the rest of our days single. I don't think anyone has ever accused DW of being a gold digger, but I have been called a "dirty old man" (jokingly) from time time. I keep saying that after my ex-wife, I upgraded to a younger, better looking model that requires less maintenance.

I've heard of more extreme cases. A work colleague here is in his 60's and his wife is in her 30's. That's a 30-year age difference. Don't know how long they've been together but he is definetly happy and he he stays in pretty good shape (seriously - you wouldn't know he is 60 just by looking at him).

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

Me and DH's SIL, as well as MIL always jokingly call them dirty old men too, cradle robbers, etc.

Sometimes if I'm giving him a warning, I'll say "Watch it old man, when you get osteoperosis, I'm going to stomp on your bones."

Drac0's picture

You see, I play into it! If DW told me that I would reply. "You're going to have to speak up. My hearing aid is not working. And why are you bothering me? Don't you have school work to do?" Smile

Shook's picture


thebrokenrecordmachine's picture

I am probably another minority. But SO is about 20 years older than me.
What sucks about that is society doesnt generally accept this and its true, I am seen as a "Gold Digger" to external people. Primarily, SO's EX Wife.
For me, it works well. Everyones situation is unique and SO is definitely not wealthy by any means.

I have found, those that are older are not only wiser lol, but less judgemental than my peers(im 27).

I also had my daughter young(not too young), early 20s and after dealing with my ex and his immaturity....perhaps this drove me to it lol.

SO adores me and I adore him.
My mom always told me something when searching for a partner, "make sure he loves you more than you love him."
I have finally found a guy that is actually into me, he doesnt want to just be in me LOL.

myspoonistoobig's picture

10 year age difference between my DH and myself. I just think it's hot. Most people think we're the same age, as he is very very hot and looks quite young. I have to beat the gay men off with a bat!

And the bedtime game possibilities are endless!

I do worry though about being left alone without him. Hate the idea, and try not to think about it.