So, it took a lot from me to finally decide to get outside opinions on this matter. I feel like I might be a bad person for feeling the way I do; maybe I am selfish and think too higly of myself? You be the judge...

About me: Pros: I am in my late 20's, early 30's. Never married, no children. Successful 6 income figure job. According to others, extremely attractive, funny, and outgoing. Any old lady I meet, wants me to "meet her grandson," before I tell her I am married. Cons: Am a serial monogomist, jump from long-term relationship to the next- only had three relationships my entire life. Was in a very emotionally and physically absuive relationship that ended badly and I feared my life. I've had three relationships, and each one was bad in its own way. To put it this way, I dont have a type, but my choice is always bad when it comes to relatioships-everything else I am 'smart' in - except for love. I am the type of person that loves hard and sacrifices myself to make things work. I also feed from others energy and If I am around negative people for long enough, I become negative. This only applies to people I love, like spouse, siblings, etc. So I choose my circle wisely and keep a small handful of people around me.

The story: After a very long abusive relationship, I jumped back into a relationship with an ex (the one who got away) thinking he would be the same man from years ago and protect me; he was always in the background protecting me even when I didnt know. The guy has a proven track record of loving me and caring for me. My ex got too crazy (stalking me, guns, cops involved, etc.) so when my husband asked me to marry him, I said yes, thinking this would make all my problems go away. And heck, the guy was awesome to begin with (we only dated about 6 months again before getting married). The reason why we broke up to begin with is that I couldnt see myself getting married to a man who was married previously and had a child; I wanted to be the first in everything- knowing a child comes first, I didn't want to share my man with someone else or have a constant Ex lurking in the background (although she is chill and doesnt interact at all with me or cause problems). So going through what I did in an abusive relationship, I realized that it is the person that is important, not the little things like a child or ex- as long as he treated me good, why should I look elsewhere when the man of my dreams is staring right at me?!

My issue: Right before the wedding, he started to change. Tempermental, argumentative, emotionally unaware. He has become quite cocky in an unattractive way. Honeymoon I spent crying. Since we have been married, we fought almost every day, and spend more time apart than together. In the few years that we were apart, he changed. When I try to talk to him about his behavior and how it makes me feel, he reverts it back to me and tells me that I AM the problem, that I am now too sensitive because of my past, and "taking out what the other guy did on him." He is right in a way, I am emotionally exhausted, but I dont take anything out on him. I told him before we even got into a relationship again that I am not ready and I need to find myself first before I can start another relationship. He told me that he would help me and be a shoulder to cry on until I find myself again. But here we are. Examples: We do not see each other at all all day, he comes home in a bad mood. As soon as he opens the door, he is huffing and puffing and I walk up to him to make small talk, but he makes me feel a certain type of way especially since I havent seen him all day, I would assume he doesnt want to talk to me so I become quiet and let him do his thing. Then he says I am in a bad mood and quiet and asks why and says I am always like this when he walks in. I've tried giving him space, tried being hyper and happy, tried asking him whats wrong- same end result day in and day out. He does not call or text me all day. I send him nice texts throughout the day wishing him a nice day and that I miss him. I dont get a response or I get a "Me too." He wasnt like that before, he was emotionally aware and supportive. and when I say I dont get any attention, he says that not everyone is sitting at a computer available to text or call all day. So, he doesnt have two seconds in a 10-12 hour work day? So that gets me going... thats just one example. But these I guess I can work with and we can work through. I tell you this stuff so I can tell you the next part and it makes more sense.

He has a 8 year old kid who is about 20 pounds over weight. We barely see each other. He works 6 days a week, sometimes comes home in time to sleep. He works alot- I give him that. In the mornings, maybe -3/4 times a week his daughter comes, so he spends the morning with her and takes her to school. He is so involved with her in the morning, sometimes he doesnt even hug or kiss me bye and just storms out- I get it I guess. The only time he comes home early is when he needs to pick up his kid, then we spend the rest of the day together. We have her every Friday night and sometimes I am with her alone on Saturday until he comes home, and sometimes on Sunday all day to have a 'family day.' I barely get time to myself with him. I cant be affectionate with him in front of her in consideration of how she might be feeling about the situation- if I do hug him or sit next to him, she wedges herself between us or when I show him love, she says or does something to redirect his attention and he thinks thats 'cute.' so I just stopped being affectionate. She is disrespectful, talks back, doesnt clean up after herself, her hygiene is sub-par, and he continuously finds excuses for it. He blames her behavior towards me on us always arguing and her telling her mommy that she is concerned bacause I am always yelling at her dad. To be fair, I try to let things slide, but her dad picks fights with me and when I tell him not now, not here, not in front of her, he keeps going on and on so I burst and yell back- but because I keep getting poked. Of course she doesnt realize what her dad is doing, she only sees what I do. He says that she normally cleans up after herself but shes rushed in the morning so she doesnt.Okay, but what about the rest of the day? Not only does she leave dishes and cups, she leaves wrappers, napkins, you name it. If she used it, someone else needs to pick it up. She dropped chocolate on the floor and my dog ate it and was sick for two days. I told him it was probably chocolate, he said that his daughter isnt stupid enough to do that- so I guess I am and I did it? I found chocolate wrappers on the floor of the bathroom, and it was chocolate she likes and I dont eat, and she knows she cant have junk food because of her weight so I guess she was hiding it in the bathroom. But i didnt even bother going at it with him. She is unlady like- she is not conscous of what she is wearing and spreads eagle wide with a dress on or picks her wedgies in public, she doesnt wash her hands after using the bathroom. I brought it up with him casually, and he gets offended and argumentative about it. Its like she is an angel and can do no harm. I feel like an outsider in my own home. Everything revolves around her, I knew it before but I didnt KNOW it. For example, we do not spend time alone at all, we used to be intitimate at once or twice a day, now we can go for a month or two, so I assume maybe some time alone away would be good for us? No. he wants all three of us to go on vacation together for a week. It hurts me to hear it. He wants me to take a week off of work to be miserable and walk on egg-shells? I wont be able to have fun, drink, or do adult-things, or even be intitimate. I don't understand the things he does; I feel like everything he is doing is drifitng us more apart. When I try to talk to him, he argues and tells me that he feels like he is always doing something wrong. How can I fix something when the other party wont accept responsibility? He snapps on me, speaks to me in a disrespectful tone, and when I react, he only holds on to my reactive behavior, not what triggered the behavior which was HIS behavior. I feel like all I do is work, barely see my husband, spend time with his daughter and his family, my weekends are ALWAYS SHOT, and on top of it, I am extremely extremely bored. I also feel like because he is 10 years older, he is not into the same things I am into. I want to go out and have fun. He would rather spend that day with his kid. I suggested at least once a week to go on a date- that hasnt happened. We havent been on a date in two months. He thinks going to grab a quick dinner to bring home constitutes a date. He also committed to getting back in shape and he hasnt- he is gaining weight which makes him look older. I am always mistaken for 20 or 21 years of age. So I kind of feel ashamed to be around him sometimes, when he is overweight, has a kid who is overweight, and I am a slim young girl. I feel like I look like a gold digger which is not the case.

I feel like I am extremely young, successful, attractive and he is not adding benefit to my life, if anything, I feel like I am being dragged down. 6 months after our wedding, I moved out for a week-  I wasnt happy and said twice that I am moving out if things dont get better, he told me that if thats what I want then it is what it is. He didnt try to make things better. We got in a fight and I said I cant take the constant fighting everyday anymore and I should move out, so he asked me to move out and I did. We talked and I felt like a marriage cant end this way without trying, so I moved back. Within that week I was out, I was so happy and reverting back to my happy self. I moved back and things changed after that- his demeanor was better, but now its reverting back. We have not been married a year yet. He is 10 years older than me, carrying baggage that I dont know I can live with. But I am ashamed of continuously unsuccessful relationships and I dont want to have another one under my belt. I want to make it work. I wish he would revert back to the man he used to be. I think I could deal with the kid drama if he were there emotionally. I married him for being there emotionally for me. Why else would I marry a man much older than me, with a kid? I hate the way that sounds, but its true. I feel like I really gave myself the short-end of the stick. I should have waited to see how things would end up before getting married, but I was too dumb to. So now I am here and I don't know what to do. I am not happy in the relationship and I am not happy out of it. My family has noticed the difference in his behavior and personality; my mother continously calls me to ask if everything is okay because 'She knows her daugher isnt happy and wishes Id talk to her." I dont want to though. I was extrremely extremely close to my family- my mother was my best friend. I dont like to be around them much now because 1) anytime I see them, he comes there after work and we have to leave early because he is tired and then just goes home and watches tv 2) I dont want them to realize I am not happy and for it to affect and hurt them.

 When he and I broke up the first time, I compared everyone to him and no one could ever compare. This man? If I were to meet him and not know him, I wouldnt even respond to his hello. I don't know if that man is underneath all of this 'new man' or if he really is gone. I fell in love with a different person and a different story. Its like I am picking up where I left off on a show, and the new season has the same name, but a completely different cast and story.