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My SD confessed: She wants to destroy the lives of my son and I.

Biomedical Geek's picture

It's almost 3:00 AM, and I am floored by what I learned today.  Almost five months ago, my husband and I had to remove my step-kids from their mother's home, because she and her boyfriend/fiance were abusive and neglectful.  My step-daughters are 14 and 11, and the 14-year-old made a bold decision to no longer keep her mother's secrets about what was going on in their home. Therefore, when the kids came to visit one weekend, the oldest one told my husband and I everything and begged us not to send them back. Their mother always struggled with issues like drug and alcohol abuse, so my husband was awarded custody years ago.  However, his ex subsequently lied and said that she was dying of cancer to get the kids back. She only wanted to have her girls back during her final days, and she promised that she was getting help for drug dependency. My husband wanted the kids to spend as much time with their mother before she died, (She was even bold enough to tell this lie in court) so he allowed her to keep the kids during her final days  (or so he thought). Fast forward a few years later, and she is getting into serious legal trouble, allowing her fiance to treat her kids like crap,  giving the kids stimulus money to her fiance to keep him out of jail for not paying his child support, and working full-time to take care of her felon fiance while he lays on her couch all day. Oh, and the lie about her saying that she had terminal cancer to get the kids back? When you ask her about this now, she says that she doesn't know what anyone is talking about, and she never said she was dying of lung cancer.  Any judge would disagree since she memorialized this lie in court. 

When my step kids came to live with my husband and I, I knew that they would come with their fair share of issues due to the fact they were abused and neglected. So, I poured everything into my step-kids to make them feel safe and loved.  I also had to teach them things like how to wash their private areas, (because I could smell them even when they were five feet away) to take showers daily, and how to brush their teeth. These girls are 11 and 14, and yes, everyone on my side of the family  tried to help them with their hygiene for years. However, they would always stop caring about their hygeine the second they returned to their mother. Last year, the 11 year old told her aunt, who had a history of miscarriages and FINALLY carried a baby over three months, that I was starving her. So, her pregnant aunt was furious with me, and we got into a huge argument. Fast forward to this year, and I started hearing the same story again. I am not feeding her.. I don't talk to her.. I don't take care of her...I am cruel to her and only nice to my child.  However, the 14 year old began calling out her younger sister for lying on me, and she told those who believed the lies about me that they were, in fact, lies. Then, the younger sister started going after my six year old son with autism (their half brother). So, she started telling lies about my son, and doing things to intentionally hurt him. No matter how kind and forgiving I was, she always did the same thing over and over...lie about my son and work diligently to hurt my son. Unfortunately, she knows how to look innocent while she continuously lies about others. So, she is great at getting adults to believe her. 

Earlier today, I finally found out WHY she kept lying on my son and I. She loves to insult my son with autism about his looks (Which I don't understand, because all three of the kids are beautiful. All of the kids are multiracial, but my step kids  look more African-American. However, my son's race is ambiguous to many since he is very light with blond hair).  After she insulted my son's appearance, I sent her to her room, and I instructed my son to play a game while I talked privately with his sister. The words that I heard come out of my youngest step-kid's mouth has completely changed my relationship with her, and I don't know if it's salvageable. So, when her pregnant aunt was mad at me last year, that was my step-kid's objective. She wanted her aunt to physically attack me. So, why did she continuously lie about my son and I? She said that she tells as many lies on my son and I, because she doesn't like us. In fact, it went beyond just dislike. She wanted their grandparents to hate my son and I, so we would not have the support of my in-laws. Furthermore, since my step-kids know about CPS (Child Protective Services) and social workers due to the situation with their mother, my step-kid TOLD me that she intentionally lied and said I was neglectful, so CPS could take my child away from me. The darkest part us when she said the following: 

I see what I do to you like a video game, and I have a mission. My mission was to mess up your life. Whenever I lied about you and your son, I viewed it as me earning points and accomplishing my mission.

  I WAS FLOORED! When Iearned that she was intentionally trying to ruin the lives of my son and I, I asked her to tell her older sister exactly what she was doing.  I knew at that moment what lengths she would go to in order to hurt my son and I. This is not even counting when she writes in her journal about hurting my son. I needed a witness, because I don't think ANYONE would believe me if I said that my 11 year old step kid pretended that the lives of my son and I are like a video game,. Furthermore, she earns points any time she hurts us. I also pulled out my phone to record her. 

So, I now know that my youngest step-kid wants to hurt my son and I by any means necessary. Her goal was to "Get rid of him" and my son adores her.  There were times when my son would be okay, and as soon as my youngest step-kid entered the room, he would cry or have a tantrum. Now, I know why this happened.  I now have to protect my own son against one of his sisters. Furthermore, I have to keep proof of what she is doing, because one day, an adult WILL believe her lies about me and contact CPS. So, I now have a recording of her admitting that she has been actively trying to destroy my life for at least a year. 

So, why is she doing this? I did not take her dad away from her mother. In fact, her father and I were high school sweethearts. I was his first love, and this was years before my husband even met her mother. When we finally ran into each other years later, we both were divorced,  and their mother was living with another man. Am I being nice to her? The oldest girl is the one who has hated me for YEARS. She wanted out of her mother's house, but she initially had her reservations about me. Now, she says I am one of her best friends. I thought I had a decent relationship with my youngest step-kid until recently. My youngest step-kid just hates me, and she refuses to listen to her older sister when she asks her to give me a chance. 

My step-kids are petrified of their mother's fiance, and he was one of the strongest reasons why my oldest step kid no longer want to stay there. Both of the kids had to pull him off of their mother when he was choking her. She kicked him out, and he threatened to kill her. A few days later,  the kids' biological mother forgives her abusive partner, and he brings his child from a previous relationship to her home. The child, who is EIGHT YEARS OLD had a gun and knife in his bookbag. He told my step-kids that his father was abusive to his mother, and he needed to hide his dad's gun and knife to keep his dad from killing my step-kids' biological mother. Oh, the mother also refuses to pay child support. She claims she is broke, but then she went on an elaborate vacation with her fiance. He is a convicted felon who is unemployed, so she used her kids' stimulus checks to take her felon boyfriend on vacation. However, she was dumb enough to post extensively about her vacation online.  I look forward to handing those photos and posts to the judge who will make her finanially support her own kids. 

We all know the saying "hurt people hurt people". I know that my youngest step-kid  is hurt  by what her mother did to her. She wants to pretend that her mother did not abuse and neglect her, and she wants to go back to that environment. I understand that a lot of step-mothers raise kids who dislike them, and the hate sometimes never go away.  However, what actions do you take when a step-kid wants people to physically injure you, fantasizes about hurting your biological child with a disability, and intentionally says buzz words to any adult that will listen in order to make people believe that I am a neglectful parent in order to "get rid of" my kid?  I don't understand this level of hatred that is inside of my step-daughter. 

I usually worry abouh grammar, punctuation, etc., but I am so shocked about what happened. Therefore, excuse the typos! 

 

The_Upgrade's picture

You shouldn't be holding onto that recording for a rainy day, it needs to be reported NOW. You're right, hurt people sometimes go on and hurt other people. Defenceless people like your 6yo son. At the very least your youngest SD needs to be in therapy. Save your energy for your son and eldest SD. Your DH needs to step up, inform his family and take full responsibility for his daughter.

Disengageme's picture

Wow. I am stunned. She sounds like an evil vindictive little spawn of satan. My ss11 also has the power to fool adults into believing he's completely innocent. When he shows up my baby cries and doesn't act right the entire time. I don't trust him alone with the baby so when he's sleeping and I'm out of the room I have a baby monitor. One time the brat knew I didn't have the monitor on but didn't know I was just a few feet away and when the baby woke up and started crying he didn't dare move his lazy self off the couch to come say hey the babies up. He was just gonna let him cry. I don't trust my dh to watch the baby while he's here alone. I don't think I would ever be able to forgive this kid for all the evil things she's done. Especially towards my child. I think she resents you because she was rightly taken out of her mothers home. I would secretly record her. May be an invasion of privacy but who cares. With what she's done already who knows what else she will do. I'd keep an extra eye on my son which I'd say you already are since having that kinda bombshell dropped on you and I would let her father know just exactly what's going on and make him parent her and stick with it. Please update us. I hope things get better for you. 

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

If she isn't already in therapy, you need to get SD in ASAP. She may need more than that, but you have to start somewhere. As she ages her issues could become pregessively worse.

lieutenant_dad's picture

Where the eff is your DH in all of this?! I see a lot of trying to get the older sister to be a witness, to talk SD11 down and into obedience, etc but not a single word about your DH and what he is doing to help his daughter AND protect you and his son!

This child has SERIOUS mental health issues. Like, she might legitimately be a sociopath or psychopath. She shows no emotions towards you and your son. She has already hurt your son. She outright admitted what she is doing and didn't say she'll stop. This is a child that needs to see a psychistrist, not a therapist. This is a child that needs to be evaluated for in-patient care. 

This is also a child who, under no circumstances, should be around your son. That means you need to move out. It won't be long before SD is at an age and intelligence level where she could poison you. Where she could figure out how to make something look like an accident. How absolutely horrible that your son is trapped with the person who wants to KILL him (that's what "get rid of" means).

You need to take that recording to an attorney and ask for advice. You need to find an apartment or someone to live with until a permanent housing arrangement can be sorted. And if your DH so much as hints at "she's just a child", you play that recording on loop while you file for divorce.

Your SD11 legitimately makes me worried for your health and safety. You can't outlove this. This needs professional help, and I mean professional with an MD not LCSW. 

Dogmom1321's picture

I totally agree. You need to act on this recording NOW. Call CPS. Even if they don't do something immediately, it will be a paper trail. Tell DH about the entire situation and your plans. Absolutely record him too. If he refuses to get SD help, he is being neglectful to his son's safety and this 100% should be evidence in court when you divorce his @ss. Do not leave your son alone with this whack job no matter what. I fear for his safety. 

Biomedical Geek's picture

Well, there are some things I didn't mention in my initial post, because it was already as long as a novel. My husband and I are both military veterans, and before I decided to pursue a career as a physician-scientist, I was a behavioral therapist. I am actually a year away from graduating as a medical doctor, and my husband is a nurse who has extensive experience in psychiatric nursing. So, when my husband and I first saw signs that his child could be mean and calculating, he directly told her that her behavior was unacceptable and took action. By the time she developed a history of repeatedly apologizing on day one, and then reverting back to her old behavior on day two, my husband talked to her again, and this conversation was about actions he may impliment, such as a therapeutic school for kids with behavioral problems, if she remained recalcitrant. To be honest, if her biological mother wasn't unstable, addicted to drugs, and abusing his children, my husband would have packed up her stuff last night when he arrived home at 11:00 PM, and she would have been back to her mother by 2:00 AM. I knew that the girls would have scars the minute they arrived. So, when both of  my step-kids entered their new schools, my husband and I already talked to the counselors and school psychologists and came up with a preliminary treatment plan. With my 11 year old SD, she was allowed to leave class anytime she felt negative emotions and hang out with her counselor, and I  conversed with her school counselor, or school psychologist, almost daily. She is transitioning to middle school this year, and I have already connected to the middle school counselors and helped them come up with a treatment plan. So, the second she steps one foot into her new school, a counselor will be waiting for her. They also have  psychologists who practice beyond the scope of what a typical school psychologist or counselor handles. 

So, where is my husband? Working his butt off. We both are sacrificing. I decided to take a sabbatical for a year to help stabilize my step-daughter and help my son process the pain he is currently feeling. Between the both of us, I am simply better fitted, and better trained, to handle the challenges that comes with damaged kids. He commutes two hours a day to work as a nurse in a supermax prison, and he never complains.The kids came to our home with nothing, because their mother refused to give them their clothes. So, we had to replace everything down to their undergarments. My step-daughter's hair was in such a horrible state when she arrived that she had MOLD growing in her hair, and her hair was so matted that chunks of her hair had to be cut out. She was also so neglected that she is on a third grade level, but she is a rising six grader. The school she attended just promoted her again and again when she couldn't pass any of her classes, without going to summer school, for three years straight! I just felt so horrible that my step-kids had to face such ugliness in ther lives. It broke my heart to learn what they endured, and I wanted to do anything in my power to make life easier for them. 

So, my husband is more of the hardliner, and I am the one who begged for him to give his daughter  chance after chance. That was before I found out that her actions were designed to hurt my child and I. As a matter of fact, my husband warned me about my step-daughter. When my husband started seeing her true nature, he told me that he knew what was about to happen. He knew she would lie and try to manipulate things in her favor. That is why he has been more stern in his approach with his daughter. He said that he knew about the game she was playing, because she learned it from her mother.  Her mother played games and tried to ruin his life, so watching his own daughter do this to my life was not surprising at all to him. I noticed the same signs that my husband warned me about. However, I wanted to do everything within my power to try to get her life back on track. After all, no kid deserves to be abused and neglected by his/her own mother and/or father. CPS had already ruled that her biological mother is not fit to raise her children, but my SD keeps saying that she wants to go back to her mother.  I  tell her that there is nothing but pain waiting for her if she had her way. If she went back to her mother, her social worker would immediately remove her from her mother's home, and she will likely end up in foster care or a group home. So, I poured all of the love and compassion that I have on her, and my husband and I established a little Army of medical professionals, and loving friends and family, to give my step-kids a shot at a better future. If she refuses to accept what my husband and I have to give her, she cannot say that she was not given opportunities to positively change her life. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

That's great that you're doing all this.

What are you doing to keep your son away from his abuser? You removed the girls from theirs, but now your son lives with his. What's the plan there?

Don't let the love for your husband and your want to help your SKs blind you from the hurt your son has and will continue to experience. 

Also remember that all because you're trained to do something doesn't mean you're the one who should do it. While you are trained to help SD, you are also now one of her victims. Your son is her victim. You now have to shift from being her mentor/doctor/parent to being her victim and the parent of her victim. 

I'm not trying to dog on you. I'm trying to express to you that the role has now changed, and you have to act differently. 

SeeYouNever's picture

I don't have any useful advice because I have no idea what I would do in that situation. I think I would be just as stunned as you are. 

But I do want to acknowledge that I read your post and find it. Good luck. I would begin recording my every conversation with her when you are alone and she thinks that nobody else is listening. Tell your mom tell your friends tell your husband tell everybody about this and show them the evidence. Don't have to act like you're being an evil stepmom and trying to get her in trouble ask what do you think you should do about this. The safest thing for you and your son is for a lot of people to know that this is her MO. 

Rags's picture

Nothing a campaign of abject misery won't fix in short order. Get that recording to court and a therapist who will medicate this POS kid into a slobbering semi coma.  When she abuses  your special needs son.... press charges.

She chooses the behavior, she chooses the consequences.  Make the consequences so brutal that she will avoid them at all costs.

You are fortunate that the eldest SD is a young woman of character unlike the POS 11yo.

smh

advice.only2's picture

Please take all of this seriously and take action, the last thing you want to happen is for your son or yourself to be seriously injured or killed.

When my DH's Spawn posted all over social media she wanted to kill me I took it seriously and reported it to the police. My DH, my family and my friends acted like I was over-reacting. Don't allow anybody to normalize having a child say they want to hurt or kill people...that's not normal!

advice.only2's picture

This was over 7-8 years ago so social media threats weren't being taken too seriously back then. The police made a note of it, they knew who we were, who my DH's ex was and who Spawn was...it's a small town.
DH confronted Spawn about it and she laughed it off, claimed it was a joke (really funny). We also tried to get the social media platform to ban her account and remove the threats...they did nothing.

simifan's picture

When people tell you who they are, believe them. While this is a child, there are studies that say personality is fully formed by 10 years old. Remove your son from this situation before the damage done is irreparable. This is one time I would recommend living separately. 

Caroline2b1211's picture

You are doing a great job trying to help her.

Hovewer, now she told you who she really is, you must protect your son and make it your top one priority. 
Remove the child from your household, at any cost.