my resentment is affecting my marriage
I JUST CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE. Since the triplet SDS18 moved in, I don't feel like I have a husband anymore. These past few months, we've gotten into countless argruments over how I feel about his DDs- they've been living with us for a year now because BM got married to man she didn't bother introducing to them. DH thinks I'm being childish and just looking for any reason to not want them around.
These girls know how to play their father and no one sees it. The second I walk in through the front door, my anxiety goes through the roof. I've broken down countless times at work because of the tension between DH and I . When they weren't at odds with BM and visited us on the weekends, I felt good. Now I'm miserable.
DH brought the girls back despite my reservations. We tried to have them living here but they caused so much damage to my marriage and DH sent them back to live with BM and everything improved drastically.
We started to go see a counsellor and I was essentially labelled as the "The Evil Stepmother". Yes I resentment SDS. They've never been held accountable for how they treated me in the past nor were they made to apologize for their actions. I resent the fact that DH coughed up 2K to pay off MSD's credit card without having her pay it back. Essientally they've disenaged from me as much I have from them. I'm having a very difficult time with them living here when I resent them so much and it's affecting my marriage. DH has since backed off a bit from BS15 due to my feelings about his daughters. To him he shouldn't have a good relationship with my son since I don't have one with his DDs. The different between BS and SDS is night and day.
Yes they go to uni, work on weekends, clean up after themselves now. It's just I can't live with them anymore. DH is neither blind or clueless about the triplets.
I would be benefically for everyone/my marriage if they moved to be closer on campus and visited us on weekends. I know that idea would just get shot down and I would be labelled as "The Evil Stepmother" again. I don't want BS3 to grow up in a broken home. My feelings towards his DDs is affecting my marriage and I don't want a divorce.
I love DH and before this nonsense started, everything was great. Now lately I've been questioning my reasons in staying in this marriage. I started putting money aside just in case.
This situation is heartbreaking
How long are they planning on
How long are they planning on living with you? Why aren't they living on campus?
DH has agreed to let them
DH has agreed to let them stay with here to complete their undergraduate degree i.e A minimum of 4 years- I don't think I would last.
Our house is only a 30 minute drive from campus. And I believe they also Iike the perks for living here ( each have their own graciously sized bedroom, a huge bathroom- they essentially have the basement to themselves because DH had it finished for them). Plus they want to live with "daddy" for a little longer
Are they social? Lots of
Are they social? Lots of friends and/or boyfriends?
If so, dispite the bedrooms, perhaps they will want to spread their wings?
They're extremely social.
They're extremely social. Basically their social butterflies.
No boyfriends yet or that we know of. Secretly praying that they do/find one. Maybe that'll give them the push they need.
Nanny cams
Might help you with gathering evidence of treachery, but if your DH has his head in the sand, he might not even believe his own eyes.
He is letting his children treat his partner badly, doesnt have repercussions for their behavior, and its been quite some time since your last post - did you get your ducks in a row financially? The issues you currently have wont get better or go a way. You must stand up for yourself. Be the Queen of the house. It sounds like your H gaslights you with accusations because his precious princesses are more important than you are. They more than likely gang up on you.
Are they truly triplets, same age, or differeing ages? I am confused on that one.
If I did get nanny cams ,they
If I did get nanny cams ,they wouldn't get anything. We don't interact at all. When they first lived with us, he wouldn't do anything. He's hates confronation and is very much passive. I think deep down he knows I'm not happy with having them living here but he doesn't want to do anything that would push them away. When they were first sent to live with BM, they actually didn't speak him properly or much for months. I believe he's tramaistized somewhat from that. This man loves his daughters to death. Plus right now their struggling with BM essentially choosing a stranger over them. They're hurt. I can see that and he doesn't want do anything that will hurt them more.
I've started putting money aside in case and I've started paying some of my debt as well.
I did take a stand once and they just walked away. I believe the princess want to decrown the queen. Then Dh and I had a pretty bad fight after that with him saying I'm actively trying to make them feel unwelcomed and wanting them to leave. Basically I'm going out of my way to start conflict. Since then there's zero communication between myself and them. Maybe a "good morning "and thats it.
We never argue in front of the kids and he'll ask to speak with me in private. They're not stupid and not having facing any consequences.... I'm sure they can connect the dots.
He understands I'm not happy and his daughters are hurt. He thinks that us ignoring each other is the only way for us to coexist peacefully. I understand his daughters are hurt. Believe me, I do and I can sympathize with them but that doesn't mean I will tolerate anyone disrespecting me.
They're truly triplets ( same age. Born within minutes of each other). Hope no one ever has to experience this.
I don't think I could live
I don't think I could live there for 4 years feeling as if DH had zero care about how I feel about what's going on in my own home. He clearly just doesn't care at all. Even if you make it 4 years, will there be any love left?
Let alone 4 years. At this
Let alone 4 years. At this rate, I don't think I'll last 4 months
I am a little confused?
Do they each have their bedroom? Who owns this house? I would have preferred, if it were my DDs, to buy a smaller house and pay for dorm room.
ETA -- appears to be a finished lower level, not certain how much that raises the cost of the house, dorm may not be so affordable, and I always recommend keeping college costs to a minimum.
One toxic Skid is hell and
One toxic Skid is hell and bad enough. Three identical toxic Skids is beyond the call of tolerability particularly when your DH is a failed father who can't find the testicular fortitude to man up with these toxic harpies and get them in line.
It is time to play the 3yo kid card and nail daddy to the wall by the short and curlies on continuing to sacrifice your son's turn to be a 3yo and his father's kid focus. Worse is that DH is sacrificing his young son and marriage for the toxic clones.
Got news for you.
Your BS3 is already growing up in a broken home. This situation is about as busted as it can be. And I can assure you that your own DS15 is feeling it, too. A particularly hard time for a boy to be shunned (no matter how subtly) by your DH, all because your DH wants to play tit for tat. "Well, if she doesn't like my daughters then I'm not going to like her son ... so there!"
This is playground level immaturity. Your DH has damaged you, your son, and your joint son all in favor of his "girls." Your resentment is well placed but should be REplaced by anger.
Your DH will never come around to see your view of things, particularly since you had a counselor tell him that YOU were the problem, i.e. evil stepmother. That seed is firmly planted in his brain now and nothing you or anyone else can say will change that.
Not to mention the financials. You are working and contributing to the household. Yet your DH is supporting these young adults by letting them live there, as well as paying off their ridiculous bills. What 18 year old needs to have $2,000 of credit card debt? Who knows what else he is paying or how much cash he is handing over.
I think you should IMMEDIATELY start having your paycheck deposited into an account in YOUR name only. Then tell your DH that you want the household expenses divided accordingly, with you both splitting the percentage for your joint child. In other words, you pay for 2 1/2 people's worth and he pays for 4 1/2 people's worth. Look at the grocery costs and divide those accordingly too. I'm sure your 15 year old doesn't eat as much as 3 18 year olds.
I am sorry to say that you will probably wind up having to leave this mess. I honestly can't see your DH doing anything to save it since you've been identified as the "problem" (according to counselor) and he "loves his daughters to death."