My girlfriend has 3 kids and they are driving me insane !!
So I've been in a relationship with my gf for almost 2 years, she has 3 kids one boy(12), 2 girls (7,5).
The 2 oldest have ADHD, and I think the youngest one might have it too.
We have the kids every other week when they are not in the house we seen to retake on our relationship but when they are here this house turns into a battle zone. My girlfriend is constantly screaming, always stressed out because the oldest is very difficult to deal with, he thinks he knows everything, always argues everything someone says, doesn't do anything around the house, complains about everything, he's very spoiled, the 2 girls will just not listen at all and are always throwing a tantrum about anything and everything. My gf is screaming at her oldest as we speak. I don't know how to deal with this situation, I don't have kids of my own I will want to have kids in the future but this situation is making doubt that decision. It's hard for me to be happy to go home after work everyday . Even when we are not with the kids they manage to stress her out . I understand kids come first for her but I feel that all I'm doing is being there to help her out with them because she's too busy to concentrate on us now . I'm just venting and trying to find a way to be happy I lover her very much but this situation is scaring me for what my future hold with her. Would it be this way for ever or will it change ?
...I'm sorry to say but you
...I'm sorry to say but you are right to be scared as this will be the kind of parent she will be if you guys have future kids together, and honestly, I'm not sure if I'd want someone who screams at her kids on a daily basis as the mother of my children... but that's just me. It is an ineffective form of parenting, as proven by the fact that it hasn't made her kids behave any better.
I think she could greatly benefit from parenting classes, and if she won't and is extremely against that idea, perhaps you can take parenting classes and gently nudge her in the right direction.
But as it is, I can see how it will suck, and like I said, I don't know if I'd build a family with someone whose proven track record is 3 out of control children. Don't want mine to be the fourth.
Edited to add: You asked if it'll get better. Not unless your Gf changes how she parents. Otherwise it will only get progressively worse, and the kids will learn that yelling is an acceptable form of communication (which it's not.)
I second the suggestion of
I second the suggestion of parenting classes - I would suggest doing it together. I have to say that I read the diagnosis of ADHD in 2 or maybe 3 out of 3 of her children with some scepticism. I feel like ADHD is used more and more as a convenient catch-all to justify bad behaviour and poor parenting. That's not to say that we don't all lose it at times, or that some children don't genuinely merit that diagnosis, but constantly screaming at your children suggests a parent that does not know how to communicate with and discipline her children effectively. If your GF can't learn to manage her childrens behaviour then this is not a relationship to stay in, or bring more children into.
Not only does this situation
Not only does this situation have the potential to become worse, but there's always the possibility the circumstances can change and her children will live with her full time. Are you prepared for that?
You feel like your relationship is suffering, and your needs aren't being met. Have you tried discussing any of this with her? She clearly needs some guidance with how to raise her kids, and is likely unhappy with the "battle zone" scenario every other week herself. Is she the type of parent that defends bad behavior, or can she be rational?
If she is able to have a calm and reasonable discussion about their behavior and is open to suggestions without becoming defensive, then maybe things have a chance of improving in the future.
Also don't allow this experience to determine how you feel about having a child of your own in the future. If anything, this could be a learning experience and help you to see what behaviors to discourage in your own child, and ways you don't want to parent.
Unfortunately. Things
Unfortunately. Things probably won't change and only will get worse. Have an 18 year old ss with ADHD. Looking back, when he was 12, was a cake walk then compared to when he grew older.
Echo isn't wrong. It's
Echo isn't wrong. It's possible things can improve, but more likely they won't. I think you should prepare for the worst case scenario and decide if her good qualities are worth what you will be dealing with.