First off, I want to say that this woman was my first true love. I met her in my late 20's and continued with her on and off for 4 years. During that time I raised her one son from almost infancy to 4, and another from 7-11. Both boys, both extreme ADHD, both from different fathers. Now, if that isn't hard enough, the oldest is a sadist (i'm serious, animal cruelty, sexually deviant, a pure bred liar, and lazy as hell when it comes to school). He's bright enough to play video games and get into mischief, but goes crying to his grandmother the instant a reprimand comes. The little one, as wound up as he is, is a good natured boy. Or I should say was. The glares of hatred he gives his older brother from the years of abuse. People say boys are boys, but that was predator and prey. I feel sorry this kid because not only is his home life a one way ticket to being a loser, he's also picked on at school because his mom dresses him like a hipster.

So apart from them, and I love that little boy, is the mother. What a piece of work. I first met her and thought she was so beautiful i couldn't believe it. I fell so hard i proposed after less than half a year, and that was my big mistake. I was under the delusion that she was smart. I should have been tipped off by the fact she lived in filth but she blamed it on her kids. they are young so i bought into that lie.

So one day she asks if we wanna move in together at a new place. Unbeknownst to me, she runs out and signs a lease (in her name only.... what a dummy) for a place far out of our means. Not only in this place over priced, it had drug dealers upstairs (chemicals... junkies) and i had to work 2 jobs to support this woman. Soon after the place looked like someone broke in and trashed the place. this is the filth they all live in. soon there were children services and police coming over because of the oldest's behaviour in public. Now i still ran with it, and tried my best. Then comes she wants appliances, couches, new this new that. she started getting out payday loans and leaving me to pay them. unreal. so we finally break up, been apart for awhile, i have my own place now.

If she were not so greedy with money (she doens't work btw) i never would of seen how pathetic she really is. massive amounts of debt with no claim of responsibility. its my fault that i don't make enough. tells me that i should be thankful shes the only one who cares for me (i have 0 family on this earth). and at times has beat me up. she gave me at least 4 black eyes and a broken tooth in that time. she's about 350lbs, so she packs a punch. she was about 160 when i met her and then about a year ago she just packed on 100+ like nothing. her mannerisms became masculine and rude (burping in public, doing things in public a teenager would do that is ignorant). She started to belittle everything i try to accomplish. she loved to sandbag all my opportunities.

i'm writing this pretty much just to vent and give a warning to others out there that life feels better once you detach yourself. i had to kill my feelings for the little boy, as i see him as my real son, he's just like me. this was the hardest. when he cried and asked me to live with him forever, i had to say no. he was crushed. its a sad thing.

money is not the root of all evil, it just shows us the true nature of a person.

I've been pretty jaded from love now. I do enjoy meeting people but i've been soured from a relationship out of the fear this will all happen again.