Looking for input on what to do...??
OK, I will try to make this brief...SS16 comes every scheduled visit. When we lived in town, he even fought with BM to come more often. SD17 got pregnant right after turning 16 & had her baby the end of March. She cried in the hospital and said that she didn't think we'd come. Next time we went to visit, BM refused to leave the hospital room and would only allow H to go in to visit. H said that it was very awkward and they didn't say much to each other.
Since then, we have only talked to SD twice, once for baby shower and once when she brought baby over for a few hours on Father's Day.
Both H and I have sent her texts and voice mails and she has never responded to any. SS says she is not mad at us. BM tells people SD is having "issues with her father." Nothing that we are aware of that has changed...? He didn't even yell at her for getting pregnant so young.
I have requested friends with SD, SS and BM through FB. BM blocked me from her page. SS "friended" me right away. SD ignored me the first time and now the 2nd request is just sitting there.
I called SD once & left a voice mail. I called back immediately from my work phone and she answered. I asked her why neither of us had heard from her and she said she had been busy.
Recently we found out that BM is forcing SD to work almost FT to support SD & her baby - although BM is getting CS for SD, SS AND baby --- and has NEVER worked FT herself. SD has dropped out of high school (senior year) because of all this. She is working on her GED. SS says she is trying to save up money to move out.
H and I both sent texts to SD asking what she and baby want/need for Xmas. No response to either of us.
H refuses to get a lawyer to go to court again unless BM does so first (which she may..he just turned in financial paperwork etc because BM requested another CS increase). H also refuses to speak with BM since she called up and screamed at him after she found out SD was pregnant (what a way to find out you are going to be a grandfather!).
Now, I kind of felt all along that SD was going to get PASed out by BM as, for some reason, BM interfered greatly with SD's visitation but let SS come most of the time unimpeded. I have never understood THAT. I thought she'd PAS both skids or neither! But if SD is PASed out, it sure happened quickly! One day she is crying because we came to see her, the next day she won't talk.
H and I talked last night about going for a surprise visit to her work when we drop off SS on Sunday.
It used to be I was annoyed about my H never getting to see his only grandchild; now I am scared that H is not going to have a relationship with SD at ALL anymore!
Do you think this is a good idea to drop by her work? Do you think I should make myself be scarce in case her problem is with ME for some reason? Any other suggestions????? I am at my wit's end and H is so hurt that he is almost ready to quit trying to contact her.
I agree with the above ^^^
I agree with the above ^^^ Sky. Perhaps letting DH go "alone" will tell all? Don't beat yourself up though. It is not your fault. You are a wonderful person for caring.
I have been doing the same thing, just with a much younger person lately to tell me a few things. If I am not around and listening from another room, SD6's attitude does a 360 with DH even if she starts talking like a baby to him when I am not present.
I feel scorned and very hurt, but this is not my child and I never expected her to love or even accept me. It's her loss, not mine as she really needs a strong female role model in her life for once.
You have great judgement so think about it some more.
It just drives me crazy!! I
It just drives me crazy!! I have learned how to deal with BM's crazy over the years. But SD and I had (what I thought was) a great relationship - as do SS and I.
SD had me meet the baby daddy (before she was preggers) to see he was a good kid since BM was trying anything and everything to keep them apart and H said that he would probably punch him if he met him. SD confided in me quite a bit. I thought that our relationship was better than what she had with EITHER of her bios. That's why I find this so baffling and hurtful.
The only thing I can possibly think of after wracking my brain about it, is that maybe she is upset that her dad didn't fight for her?
BM kicked her out of BM's place about 6 months before she got pregnant. Of course, H went to get her. BM was threatening to beat her up. After she was at our place for 3 days, BM called and said she would call the cops on H if he didn't bring her back. So he did - I thought this was TOTALLY wrong. He thought he'd show the skids that you should ALWAYS follow the court order since BM doesn't unless it is in HER favor.
I have a hard time dealing since my family was raised to talk to each other if you had a problem with one of them.
I would definitely let H go
I would definitely let H go alone and stop reaching out myself. Atr this point it's up to H and SD. Once they mend then you two can mend. Until you can only be there for H and offer advice on what he should do to have a relationship with his daughter. Good Luck.
You need to let him have this
You need to let him have this relationship. It is about them. Not you. When she comes back to him, eventually it will lead to a relationship with you. Whatever that may be. But, for now, this is his daughter and that relationship is what has to work.