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In love with my husband, like my sd5 but hate her mom & she's turning my mother n law aganist me!!!! PLEASE HELP :'(

Super Mommy's picture

:? I don't really know where to begin...I'll just start when we were dating. Okay, when my husband & I first started dating, i met his daughter(she was 1 & a half yrs old at the time). She began to get use to me being around after i spent time with her when she visited every weekend (he wud to pick her up fridays after work & take her home sunday evenings), he always brought her clothes, pull ups, cups & whatever else she needed.(he wasn't on cs). I bonded really well with her, i bathed her for him, fed her & played with her. As our relationship got more serious he started getting her every other wknd instead so we cud spend more time together(my request). The bm started going off on him through texts(i guess cuz she was mad i came into the picture).He brushed it off & life moved on, then eventually things started getting shakey between my bf at the time & i,so he asked me for time apart, we got back together & i got pregnant. When his bm found out she then put him on cs ,out of anger i guess? He was upset i was pregnant, we argued after i told him, then he texted his bm that night & i saw a text with him telling her "i didnt want n e more kids right now & that her wanted to get back with her"....my heart was broken when i saw it & he called her to let her try to explain to me they had nothing goin on & he was just mad thats y him & her were texting(i still dont beleive it)& ever since then i can not trust their communication)But we got married while i was 8months pregnant(Nov.08)she would often ask him to buy pull ups for his daughter even though he pays $400 a month in cs. I've gotten upset bcuz of this when he likes to spend extra $ on clothes & stuff when he already pays cs. Well eventually she started disrespecting me when she couldn't have her way & he never put his foot down about it so i took over the matter & told him we are not buying n e thing extra (besides birthday & christmas gifts & food when she visits & for family outings)i had him tell her to lose his # & she started calling me & texting me when it was time for his daughter to visit every other wknd & sometimes we'd get along & other times she'll have a bad attitude & we'd argue then she'd say his daughter isnt coming to visit. Over the years my huband & I changed the visitation schedule to us picking her up every other saturday morning & bringing her home sunday evening @ 6/7p. So sometimes she wouldnt pick up the phone & we'd end up taking her home @ 10 at night & got fed up cuz we had work the next day & didnt want to be up that late. So we told her that were now gonna pick her up on Sunday mornings & bring her home sunday night & not to mention we had to remind her every other wknd to put (decent clothes in her bookbag, a tooothbrush & pjs) she always says " yall always requesting shit!" like isn't she suppose to send these things??? so last year she stop letting her visit us for about 6months cuz she didnt want to cooperate. recently her & my mother n law have been talking, shes been lying to my mom n law telling her that im the cause of y me & her wud always agrue so thats y she stop letting her daughter visit, she a liar, i wud only curse her out when she started with me, so now my mother n law has been behind my back talking to this bm & getting his daughter every wknd & she's been beleving her mess & telling my husband not to let me handle the situation n e more, they have been filling my husband head up with crap & she is even upset we dont have a picture on the wall of his daughter (the bm has not given us one), my mother n law does not visit my kids (oh yeah, we had anohter baby in 2010)she says were keeping them away? how? she's full of it too. The same way you ask her to bring my sd5 is the same way you should ask us to bring my bio kids to come spend time with you. Im just so stressed cuz i cant trust my husband communicating with her (his mom got him to give the bm his # so they cud communicate), & i dont feel like my mother n law care about my kids like she does his 1st daughter. ive been so down n out lately. & constanlty thinking of fututre isses thats gonna happen with this blended family. & im only 21 years old!!!!!they think im treating his daughter different than mine. I dont! finiancially we dont buy the stuff we buy for them cuz he pays cs but physically, emotionally & mentally i do not treat her different. whats wrong here????

Comments

Totalybogus's picture

Well forgive me for saying this, but it DOES seem like you severly altered the time he spends with his daughter. I can totally understand not doing it every weekend, but limiting it to 1 day a week is jsut ridiculous. This little girl still needs her father no mattr what her mother is like. I also can understand you not wanting to pick up diapers for her when the girl is with her, but I don't think you should dictate that "no extras" be bought because mom gets child support.

Now as far as them communicating, if he actually wrote that to her, I would be alarmed abuot their communication too. However, he does need to communicate with his child's mother. She does not have to communicate with you. If he isn't communicating when he is getting his daughter and she has to go through you, I can understand why he's not getting his daughter. I think the quick fix to that is that he communicate directly with the BM but in your presence.

I have to ask you though, why would you want to be with a man you can't trust?

Super Mommy's picture

She was not respectful of the schedule we set so we had to change it to one day to try to change her mind about being so disrespectul to me & trying cooperate with us. We were suppose to bring her home one night at 8pm after we had dinner & she cut her phone off & we didnt hear from her until the next evening.

oneoffour's picture

Until I got to the last few lines I thought you were rather troublesome. Then your age says everything.

I think in 20 yrs you will look back and see the mistake after mistake you 2 have made.

She went after CS because SHE had the girl the most and was legally entitled to it. They don't give CS based on whether someone is pissy or not.

CS is based on how much time each parent has the child. She ended up having the child more time and it was reflected in the CS. Which meant there was NOTHING wrong with you and her father buying the girl PJs and a toothbrush just fopr your place.

There is nothing STOPPING you from going to WalMart and getting your own photos is there? Or are you so angry about percieved injustices that you will not spend a cent on this child?

I think you are extremely young and immature and really should consider reading some parenting books about blended families.

lifeisshort's picture

^^THIS^^

You're 21. You got married back in '08, which means you were around 18 when you got married to this person, is that right?
Dear, you have a LOT to learn.

Your DH pays child support because the mother of the child is the primary parent, thus her expenses in caring for the child are MUCH more than your DH's. He's just paying his share of those expenses. And you have no say as to how that money is spent. It's meant to supplement the mother's expenses. And just because he pays child support doesn't mean that he is not responsible for having the necessary items for the child on hand at HIS home.

Your insistence on controlling every little thing is going to drive everyone away from you. You're reacting out of fear and distrust. You're trying to keep things from happening, controlling everyone else's interactions so that you won't be afraid any more. You have to stop acting and reacting out of fear. Whatever's going to happen is going to happen, whether you try to control it or not.

Allow your DH to be a father to his child more than one day a week. Allow your DH to communicate with the mother of the child. Allow your MIL to have relationships with whomever she deems worthy of having a relationship with.

Live your OWN life and stop trying to control everyone else's. You'll be much happier.

JMHO.

oneoffour's picture

I agree with you. If you see the child only for extended periods of time then of course you expect the basics to be provided. But a toothbrush? She cannot afford a $2 toothbrush? That is being petty and silly.

FTR the BM in my world has been getting a nice little taxfree benefit for popping out a couple of kids for the last 10 yrs. This will come to a grinding halt at the end of this year. In the end DH has paid over post tax $33,000 to the woman which she has never had to pay a cent in taxes on it. Yes, it drives me crazy. But DH has paid ontime for 10 years. I wonder how her world will be when that nice little benefit comes to an end?