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secret phone calls

hawaiigirl's picture

anyone else have this issue- my bf's daughter is 2- and apparantly they talk to eachother on the phone a cpl times a week (he works nights, so its in the eve when he aint home) but on the wknd he never calls her when i am around (obviously he has to call her mom cuz she is 2) but is that a bit odd? Could be that he dont want to deal with me having jealousy issues, because he cheated on me with this woman and had a child. I dont know. I find it very odd. He says he dont call that much, but according to BM they talk a cpl times a week, or she says "she calls her daddy a cpl times a week to chat"

purpledaisies's picture

My dh wouldn't dare have a secret call! See I was sorta in your situation but dh choose to not do it but he still has 3 kids with her and they have to talk. I told him that if he ever wants my trust back he better never ever have secrets! That would be a red flag to me.

hawaiigirl's picture

well he is at work at nights, and this is when they talk, so i guess its not so much of a secret, but on the wknds that she isnt at our house, i dont hear him on the phone with her....ugh...tough spot.

BellaMia's picture

My DH does that. SS7 lives with his mother in a different state. Every now and again I hear that he talked with SS, but he hardly ever talks to him when I'm around. I think a part of it is he knows I despise the child's mother.

There was a point when I didn't the private call thing but I have so much other stuff to worry about that I've stopped giving a shit.

purpledaisies's picture

here is where I will compare, bm calls dh while he is at work and dh makes it a point to tell me she called and what she wanted. Most of the time he will let it go to VM and IF he thinks he should call back he will. but most of the time bm will text b/c she knows dh hardly ever returns her calls as they are stupid. So dh will make it a point to tell me that she texted and what she wanted. It is all about respect especially if he cheated with her it should be a given he has to keep you informed. Ask him how he would feel if the shoe was on the other foot? I bet he will not like it one little bit if you were having conversations with a guy you cheated with and not tell him that he called.

Auteur's picture

Yes. . .and how about the "walk away?"

Or the stroll and cajole? That's what I call it when they get a call from their precious spawn or the BM and walk out of earshot of you. As if to scream "PRIVATE CONVERSATION HERE, YOU OUTSIDER, WITH MY PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED FAMILY!!! NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS AND I'LL MAKE DECISIONS ABOUT THEM WITHOUT YOU!!"

Of course making promises that you know you are unable to keep "yes, hooonnnnneeeeeey, I'll buy the moon for you!!!"

BellaMia's picture

HA! Yes, indeedy... It's both awesome and sucky to know that other people feel SO much like me...

Auteur's picture

Skids and the Behemoth caught on to this at an early age. The Behemoth used try and call when she figured I wasn't home. Then the ONE TIME, that's right, ladies and gents ONE TIME that he actually said "i'll check with Auteur FIRST" to the Behemoth, all of a sudden any calls from her or the skids started happening before I got home from work.

They figured it would be easier to put the squeeze on GG if I wasn't around to "make waves."

Totalybogus's picture

I think something is going on. A 2 year old is usually in bed at night. He had an affair with this woman. He's calling her house, or she's calling him in order to facilitate these "calls" with the child. I'm sorry but if it quacks like a duck, it's a duck.

luv007's picture

My husband called his ex a lot when I wasn't around for the kids to talk to her. I had to tell him how much it bothered me before he would stop. He thought he was preventing hurt feeling and drama, when really he was causing it. Once that was explained, he had no issue making sure I was there during the phone calls.

cookiemonster08's picture

Maybe he is trying to keep you safe from feeling jealous, maybe he is just uncomfortable talking to her in front of you or maybe he is saying things he doesn't want you to hear. The only way to know is to ask him.

I hate it when DH takes the conversation out of earshot when he is talking to BM, so I asked him to stop doing it. If he had something to say to her he didn't want me to hear then he should be saying it.

Tx mommy of 3's picture

Idk. If he doesn't want to make you feel uncomfortable, ok I get that. And if he is calling to keep his relationship with his kid then that is good! But tell him he doesn't have to hide it from you. The only red flag for me is that she is 2. How much talking can he do with a 2 year old?! Have you ever heard him on the phone with his 2yo? If he's just baby talking and obviously talking to a baby then no worries. If he hides his conversations and you have never heard him on the phone with her then.... I wonder if he says he's talking to his daughter in case you check his call log and see bm's number a lot. Or is he really talking to dd that much or is that what bm is saying to start trouble? Hmmmm....

Bethtx's picture

My DH does the same thing. He goes into the office and calls or else he'll call when he's out running to the store or something. I've never understood it but she's 15 so the 2-year-old...............I'm agreeing with stepdown in that he's talking to baby mama.