Legit BM Drama

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My husband and I got married 4 years ago and it has been a battle with BM since day one. My husband spent 2 years battling her in court for joint custody and in February of 2019 the case was settled. BM is a pain in the butt, but she has crossed the line...she moved into the house right behind ours. Not just in our neighborhood, but we share a fence, I can see into her house from my bathroom. It's so frustrating and I don't understand why she would do that? Am I the only one that thinks that is inconsiderate? My husband won't even bring it up to her and expects me to accept it. Neither one of us likes her nor do we want to see her. Any advice would be appreciated.

Welcome to the site!

I feel for you - this would send me screaming down the road in a straight jacket! Can you plant some tall, fast growing conifers at the end of your garden? This BM sounds like she has zero appreciation of appropriate boundaries. This being the case, you and your husband need to establish really strong ones, to ensure she doesn't abuse your proximity to her, by for instance, asking for spur of the moment babysitting and stuff like that. Good luck! Hateful BM, ugh!

My first reaction was to sell

My first reaction was to sell my house, but I'm not giving her the satisfaction. The sight of her and the sound of her baby talk irritate my soul. If my husband isn't going to say anything to her, he gets to step it up as their Dad. I usually do all the work while he "babysits" them when I go to work. This has crossed the line, they aren't coming over unless it's our custody time, we aren't going to be emergency babysitters and she better not pop her head out when we correct bad behavior. This is going to be rough, but I guess this is 2020s gift to us. She has f'd with my husband's life for 5 years and guess she's not done yet.

I'd be so tempted to rent a

I'd be so tempted to rent a hot tub and put it in plain view of her yard. Make her so revolted she'd move on her own accord

Tempting

I told my husband I'm walking around naked from now on when the kids are gone so she better not look over here. She can look into my bathroom window and she our shower too.

Don't forget to hang your

Don't forget to hang your sexy underwear out to dry where she can see it rather than put it in the dryer!

What the hell?!

Psycho alert...

She clearly isn't over everything otherwise she would want her own life. There are massive benefits for the child to have parents still close but I dont agree with it being that close, its almost harmful for the kid to know that if they don't get their own way at yours they can physically leave to go to BM.

Unfortunately you can't stop her actions unless she begins to be threatening etc and then a prohibited steps order may be worth looking at? I'm from UK so not sure on the laws where you are.

Otherwise...I'd be tempted to move and not let her know the exact area you live in...sorry your stuck there thats awful.

She's Nuts

Nail on the head, she doesn't do anything with logic. Worst part is she convinced her new boyfriend to live there with her, does he not find it weird? My Step kids are 6 and they both have behavior issues so she'll be hearing a lot of corrections. My son's Dad lives 15 minutes from us which is close enough. There is no reason to live over the fence. It's inconsiderate, but then again my husband never stands up for himself with her. He had a tough custody battle and said he fears her trying to start problems if he addresses this.

Welll its only a matter of

Welll its only a matter of time isn't it? (Until he has to address this), and surely sooner while the kids are still young is better? He also needs to reaffirmed that he's a good dad and the courts saw that before and will see it again. If he doesn't stand up to her and maintain that role, she will use it for her advantage like a f. Puppy.

I cant believe her boyfriend moved in! Hah at least its nobody you care about in his shoes! He is gonna have such a rough time bless and I expect by the time he notices, it'll be too late for him too. I dont understand men who see a woman be vile to their Baby daddy's and think oh this is a good place to settle!!!

Be strong and patient, maybe the answer will come before you have to be the one acting it out! Focus on you doing you and your family in your home, everything else is irrelevant.

And def make a point to give BJs in the garden!!!!

I'd be the furthest thing

I'd be the furthest thing from a neighborly neighbor towards her. Don't let her settle into feeling this is a comfortable and welcomed situation.

This is a serious problem ....

This is a very serious issue to your well being. This is not going away. This is going to be a constant daily issue.

It doesn't matter how tall of a fence you put up, what scheme of the day you might win at, this is a roller coaster ride you are never getting off until one of you moves. Your days are going to be spent plotting your next move. There is no hope of a peaceful life or harmony in this. I am not saying this to be negative, I am speaking what is likely going to be true in the hopes that you will get a better plan for your own peace of mind.

The second issue here is that your DH doesn't recognize the issue for what it is. Also that he has no plan to confront it. With all of the property that exists in the world and in your town WHY would she buy a house behind you if not to taunt you? No other reason that you have stated. It is not as though you get along and the kids want to roam freely between your houses which I am sorry still requires blocks away!! She did this for a reason and that is what you need to explore first. You probably already have the answer and know the reason, I don't know your story. Likely she is not over your DH. Wait till she gets a pool and starts sunbathing while DH mows the lawn. BM is going to be part of your daily life. Bottom line during a storm your lights go out at the same time, that is WAAAAYYY to close of a living arrangement.

While you could wait and see I don't suggest it. Get on you DH for a resolution. Taunting her until she decides to move sounds like a lot of work and energy that you don't need and could take a while if she even ever decided to move. I say unless you love your home more than your marriage and sanity, you move. Oh and remember, if you do she doesn't win you do!!!! First it's about your peace of mind and second I bet she moved there to taunt you and you will have ruined her game!!

I agree, 100%. This is

I agree, 100%. This is basically legal stalking. I would move, and as soon as possible. Find a house where it's difficult for her to move close by. (As in, she can't move right next door - rural area).

This is Fatal Attraction level stalking. And your DH is a fool if he can't see it. This might be a deal breaker for me, frankly.

WhT can your DH really do

Tell her to move ? Not talk to her? Start a war with her? Do you actually think and of that would work? The Woman is nuts. Nothing you can do about nuts .

So you are suggesting.......

"Tell her to move ? Not talk to her? Start a war with her? Do you actually think and of that would work? The Woman is nuts. Nothing you can do about nuts ."

So you are suggesting her DH do nothing? Let's go through it for you.....

Tell her to move........ that would be a waste of words...

Not talk to her.. Ummmm YES!!!!!!!!!!! HELLO?????????

Start a war with her... If OP and her DH stay in this horrible situation that is exactly what will happen.

Nothing you can do about nuts ...... and wrong again!! She and her DH can remove themselves from the situation that is what they can do about it.

You suggesting they have no recourse is absurd!

You need to move, period dot.

You need to move, period dot. Your home is supposed to be your sanctuary, and you will never know peace having the woman who has caused so much upheaval living adjoining you.

Your H is probably worn out from the fighting, a bit afraid of her, and selfishly hoping this means he gets to see his kids more often. He doesn't want to acknowledge this is not normal, but rather an escalation of the crazy. Still, YOU matter. Your mental health matters.

I would die on this hill. Tell him you're selling, or its marriage counseling with a possible divorce and selling the house anyway.

She's doing it so she can

She's doing it so she can constantly keep up with what is going on at your house. It's a control thing for most of them. Whether she's doing it so the kids will be tempted to skip dads time since she's just a yard away or she's doing it to be a constant reminder to your SO and skids she's there, you'll have to protect your mental health from her extensive manipulative ways. Years ago on here I read about a stepdad dad doing the same thing. The stepmom was here ranting about how the stepdad (who could afford to follow them anywhere) had bought the neighboring house and had gone as far as building some sort of ladder/bridge so skids could cross the fence. If I remember correctly the BM was the primary custody holder so he's plan was to give the kids easy access to LEAVE more often. He didn't want the skids underfoot so he gave them an out. If there's any chance the BM you're dealing with isn't using this to spy and control (know everything youre up to) then she's doing it for the same reasons this guy did it.

If I were you I would find whatever quick growing tree/shrub/plant that will shoot up tall and quick (like bamboo) or add another foot or so to increase the privacy fence. That will cut out her peeping into your backyard and house. I would enclose the parking area so she couldn't see when you are home or not and I would put up security cameras all around the property to make sure she doesn't snoop around while you're gone. When the kids are with y'all I would make plans to be away from the house like staying out late and leaving early, spending weekends camping or away at relatives OR if he goal is similar to the stepdads I mentioned above, do the opposite: when Bm has the kids but wants to push them on to you make yourself scarce so she can't ever know when you're home to send them over.

Seems like an awful lot of

Seems like an awful lot of work ... I vote for leaving.

Exactly!!!!

Exactly! More time, energy and money than this situation needs........ MOVE! there will never be peace any other way!!

And selling sends a

And selling sends a definitive FU to BM. It's the highest card you can play.

Sell up...

I would sell up if either of my step childrens mums moved that close to us- they are both an hour away and that suits me just fine aha!

It aint worth the shit just so she doesnt get the satisfaction, over time it will really annoy you...I used to have problem neighbours and thought putting up big fences would solve the issues but even when I didnt see them they used to annoy me with their snooping, cant even begin to imagine what it would be like, id be worried about how she will escalate once she realises that doesnt get a rise *shudder at the thought*

Move!

What a nightmare! Don't worry that she'll get some kind of satisfaction from having driven you away. In no way is your moving a win for her. She wanted you to stay right where you are. Instead rejoice that the trouble and expense she's gone to will soon be for naught.

If your DH does not see the hostility in her move, you have two problems on your hands--both him and his ex.

I agree on 2 problems. I am

I agree on 2 problems. I am not bothered by things that either of my SO's BMs do nearly as much as i am bothered that their actions don't seem to bother him. They can do whatever they want. How he handles these things determine my feelings on them. If he were angry right along with me and we were a team defending against her i would have a lot more tolerance than him making excuses for BM or trying to defend her (or them.)