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Just need to vent!!

midnyt's picture

I want to apologise in advance for any forceful language, am incredibly angry ATM!

Ok, so my SO has just turned 40 in the last week, so we organised a bday party for him. I have posted on here a few times about SS11 not wanting to come here bc he doesnt feel welcome or comfortable, and that he lies to his BM about me, well we organised the party for a weekend with no kids, SS never comes so I didnt think anything of it, and my bios were at their dads for the weekend. Well fuck me, SS says he wants to come this weekend. so SO picks him up from school on the friday and he supposedly says to SO that he has decided he wants to come every 2nd weekend (yeah right, so why all of a sudden does he feel welcome and comfortable, nothing has changed??) SO tells him he needs to help set up for the party, I spent all friday night and saturday cooking and decorating, only to turn around and have to re-do the decorations coz SS has pulled them all apart and is eating the food as I am cooking it so that i have to then turn around and make more.
Spent most of the time when not under my feet, expecting to play my bios Wii or Playstation, wont play his own that he made sure was in his room so that my bios couldnt play it but expected to be able to play their system and games, leaving games out all over the tv unit to get scratched etc.

So saturday night rolls around and the party is underway. SS goes behind SO's back and talks to some of the wives of SO's mates who are still friends with BM and tells them that he misses his mum, (for fucks sake he only saw her the day before, oh sorry he saw her thursday morning coz he insists on staying at his grandparents house on thursday nights) so they take it upon themselves to call BM and arrange for SS to leave with them and be dropped at home. No one bothers to tell SO that this is happening. So when these people go to leave SS goes and grabs his bags, and SO asks where he thinks he is going, and is told at that point that SS is going home.

Do i have a right to furious about this, coz I am!

So, I normally refuse to have SS on weekends when my bios arent here, i like me time, selfish i know but gotta take it when i can get it! So i say to SO that he needs to have SS next weekend as well to get back into sync with the weekends, low and behold SS cant coz BM has plans for him. Which means that the weekend after that is Easter, my bios will be with their dad, and I will be fucked if i spend another Easter with that brat after last year.

So do I have the right to put my foot down and say no to easter?? i really want to put my foot down and say he isnt welcome here at all........thinking that wouldnt go down all that well!

Thanks for letting me vent, dont feel much calmer but at least its off my chest!! Any advice appreciated!

oneoffour's picture

How about you locking away all your kids stuff and telling SO how great it is that his son wants to be with him again. How great it is that his son makes all the decisions for your lives. And tell him for Easter you are heading into the city (Melbourne?)for a spa weekend.

Kids do not get to make the call on when they come and go. So way out of line!

midnyt's picture

Apparently this kid gets to make the call on when he comes and goes, and SO accepts it coz if he doesnt he doesnt see him. But will definately mention the kid making the decisions for our lives!

I did think about just saying to him that if SS was coming Easter weekend that I will go away for the weekend without him. A spa weekend sounds like a very good idea but not in melbourne, down the peninsula would be better and my family have a holiday house down there so accomodation wouldnt be a problem under short notice.
Think i might just wait and see what happens and not mention it, dont want him to think i am giving him an ultimatum. If SS just happens to be coming easter weekend I might just happen to be going down the peninsula for a spa weekend!!

Thanks oneoffour, awesome suggestion!!!!

autopilot's picture

Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. They need to be set in stone in no uncertain terms with the SS and the SO. It's your home, too, and you have the right to expect your home to be run according to your rules and expectations regardless of who is there. If those rules won't be adhered to by the SS, then it's his choice...but the consequences are that he is not welcomed in your home. Your SO has to take the lead on this commitment or it will not work. He needs to hold his son accountable for respecting your home with him. No child should be allowed to control the family environment, but it seems to happen all the time. If you can get your SO to hold a united front together with you, then you will make positive steps forward in setting and enforcing the boundaries and rules of your home.

I'm a dad who has had to deal with that with my two kids. Kids generally will push those boundaries as far as possible to test them. It's not always easy to put your foot down as a parent, but it's imperative that you do so for your sanity and peacefulness of the home.

enddora's picture

Something tells me the "mutual" friends discussed the party with BM and she and maybe SS came up with a plan. He came for the weekend, screws up your planing, eats your food, destroys the decorations, just creates general havoc. Then gets mutual friend to call BM so he can leave. That just sounds convenient.

I would mention to mutual friend you have plans for a spa weekend with your girlfriends over Easter weekend. DH is staying home for a guys weekend. I doubt you will hear he wants to come over any weekend soon